Fighting the urge
 

it is 1:13am where I am as I type this, I am currently looking at a bottle of vodka and fighting the urge not to give to the same old routine of feeling numb then a passout - repeat etc.

Problem is at the moment I an boiling with anger as now I have to think about my past without the fake haze that alco provides, I am fighting with myself right now not to remove those feelings (temporarily) by going to the alco.

Then I think why bother? tomorrow I'll wake up (if I sleep at all), no job, no friends, social anxiety that even going out for a walk to the park/cinema or something actually is not an option for me. Victim of daily verbal harassment by the local thugs which the police seem to be to dumb to get stopped for the last 2.5 years, and then I get the criminal record when I go out and give the trash a little "justice" ;) :a043:

My father just recently died suddenely so there is grief as well to deal with.

I have mass amounts of valium/dieazepam I could turn to that could be a standin for the effects of alco - but that is just trading one demon for another.

I have been trying to distract myself by other methods that is the only possible solution I can think up.

3 options currently to me:

Drink
Take the pills
Sit here in the dark brooding and fighting with myself

Then I suspect the alco withdrawal effects are slowly sneaking in as I feel slightly shaky in the hands at the moment, if I get that severe insomnia again I AM drinking.. 3 days of 24/7 hour no sleep again? no thanks.

:tapping

There is fourth option...dump the vodka.

3 days of no sleep isn't nice but sometimes we have to go through a little bit of sh;t before we get better. I didn't sleep well/much for a week and a half but then I slept like a baby. Things do get better in time.

I am sure that you could sit this out til morning so you could go and get yourself some help and support. Both medical and help with all the psychological stuff and whatever your bad memories are. Obviously you're aware that alcohol is a very temporary fix and it makes everything worse in the long run.

I hope you find the help you need x

I done that once and then got stuck with severe withdrawal, one of the worst nights of my life.

On the other side of that WD is a life that is free of the junk we all did while drinking. Nobody says 'Sobriety? Now that was a mistake.'

If you think you will have some difficulties then please check with a Dr first. Alcohol withdrawal can have lasting side effects, the fatal kind. Be safe, then sober.

If you're having severe withdrawals within 24 hours of your last drink, you really should consider getting medical help to detox. I was in the same boat: full body cold sweat with arms and legs shaking so badly and equilibrium so off that I could barely walk, etc. I feared a seizure and rightly so, and I'm here to tell you that a talk with a doctor 32 days ago probably saved my life. Just a few days of librium and the dangerous part was behind me and I could get to work on the rest of my recovery.

The three options you listed are all really the same option, aren't they? The other option is to get help with this. Start with a doctor and go from there.

quittings not easy Guyver - if it was we'd all do it and there's be no need for places like SR.

if withdrawal fears are your reason for drinking - go see the Dr.
It's a far better option and just might be a way out of this.

D

I have been where you are. A few times. You don't have to do this alone. The reason you want to drink is because you haven't found a better way to cope with these terrible feelings. I don't know anyone who got better without the help of at least a dictor, family member, friend.... Is anyone there for you? Anyone you can call? I hope you feel better. If you do drink, I hope you make it back. I'll still be here. Maybe we can do this thing together.
:)

You can find someone to talk to in person on the phones or in real time chat.
Try Alcoholics Anonymous : International General Service Offices
There is another way, it works for many of us, perhaps give it a try, or another try if that is the case.

Well I gave in, turned to a "friend" and turns out he was backstabber.. sipping slowly at the alcohol not quite gulping but thats hardly an excuse is it.. always tomorrow I suppose - sounds pathetic I know.

try not to progress beyond valium, it gets wayyyyyyy worse after that, the booze is bad enough on it's own