Xmas New Years strategies
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Xmas New Years strategies
I thought it might be good to get some ideas going about ways to safeguard our recovery over the Festive season as it's a time of particular worry for a lot of us...
many of you would know this checklist - I post it a lot...it's ostensibly for Thanksgiving but it has application now too:
Of course, someone may ask you why you're not drinking. Have an answer ready.
D
many of you would know this checklist - I post it a lot...it's ostensibly for Thanksgiving but it has application now too:
- Think ahead. Is it hard for you to be around alcohol? Be honest with yourself. Now is not a time for heroics. Keep your expectations realistic: if it is going to be too difficult, maybe this year is a time to do something different for Thanksgiving [Xmas]. Don't set yourself up to fail. You can spend a quiet time at home watching movies or hanging out with other friends, volunteer at a shelter serving food, or go to a meeting instead.
- Thanksgiving [or Xmas] is usually about family. If there are people in your family who trigger you, be ready. You don't have to go to every fight you're invited to .. plan what you'll say or do if someone gives you a hard time.
- Have safe people to call - program their numbers into your phone in advance, and tell them you're going to call if things get tough. If everyone around you is drinking and it starts to bring you down, talking to someone else who is sober helps you remember that you are NOT alone.
- Bring your own beverages. This is especially important if you're going to be around people who don't know you're sober. If you always have a drink in your hand, people won't hand you alcohol or ask if you want something to drink.
- You don't have to over explain. If someone is pressuring you to drink, be ready with an answer. A white lie is totally acceptable - tell people you're on antibiotics, or you're watching your calories and so you aren't drinking.
- Have an escape plan. If you can, bring your own car. Plan to go for a post-turkey walk - fresh air and exercise will get your endorphins flowing and help tamp down cravings.
- Plan your exit in advance. If everyone is going to settle in to watch football and drink and you don't want to be part of it ... don't. Tell whoever is hosting that you have to leave at a certain time so you don't get drawn in to staying longer than you want to.
- Remember to be proud of yourself - shame and guilt are huge triggers. Give yourself credit for staying strong.
- Think about the next morning, when you'll wake up hangover-free and rested. Think about how horribly you felt the morning after drinking, and how sober you don't wake up and think, "I wish I drank last night."
- Think through the drink. If you start romancing how nice "one drink" would be, remember how many times you told yourself you were only going to have one and failed. Having one is harder than having none, because once alcohol is in your system the obsession comes alive.
- Remind yourself that Thanksgiving [Xmas] is just one day. A simple 24 hours, just like any other day. Don't put more importance on this day over any other.
- Go to bed. If the day is harder than you expected, go to bed early just to put the day to rest. Tomorrow is a new day.
- Believe in yourself. Getting sober and staying sober takes serious guts - you are brave and strong and true. If guilt, shame and remorse start talking to you, remind yourself that it's your disease sneaking in the back door. Let your sober voice ring loud and proud in your head.
- Forgive yourself for wanting to drink. Don't expect that you won't be hit with a craving; it's natural. Prepare for how you're going to handle the craving instead of berating yourself for having one.
- Be grateful. Thanksgiving [Xmas] is a time of giving thanks.. make a gratitude list and carry it with you. Try to focus on the gifts you have in your life, all the possibilities that lie in front of you, instead of all the things you can't have. Sober, you can do anything.
- From my own experience - try not to worry about what other people think when you're not drinking.
Of course, someone may ask you why you're not drinking. Have an answer ready.
- if your Xmas is more than one day, plan for that - have excuses to get away for a while...even if it's just a walk.
- Remember - any thought that tell you one drink won't hurt is a lie.
- and don't forget there's always support here - there's always people around, even over Xmas and New Years.
D
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
I needed this today. I didn't go to a work do today as I know for sure I would have picked up a drink. I did a body / mind scan and I was not in a place where I could trust myself.
I'm in bed now grateful for a new dawn tomorrow (unless the Mayans were working to UK time and I have 49 mins left!)
Bottom line, I go with my gut. Nothing/no one is more important than my sobriety. I'm not an expert but that is my penny's worth.
S x (2 months today)
I'm in bed now grateful for a new dawn tomorrow (unless the Mayans were working to UK time and I have 49 mins left!)
Bottom line, I go with my gut. Nothing/no one is more important than my sobriety. I'm not an expert but that is my penny's worth.
S x (2 months today)
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 57
Thanks Dee. I realise now that I have been romanticising the drinking recently and conveniently forgetting about the horrible aftermath. I will focus harder on thinking through the drink and remember how horrid it feels to wake up sick and shaky the morning after.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
I was just going to do what I do every new year. Sit in the corner and moan. I never managed to see the new year in anyways I was always far too wasted and normally passed out around 9pm lol.
Natom.
Natom.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I just got through my first works party sober! I wouldn't have believed I could do that 9 months ago.
If I was going to advise anything, don't tell people you're not drinking! They probably won't notice. I always felt like I had to announce it or something but really no one cares. People may still ask so it's best to be prepared for that but for me that just got easier to handle with time. Months ago I was skittish about it and defensive, now I just say I gave it up and move on to another conversation. Time is a great healer.
Also, just because you're not drinking doesn't mean you can't have nice drinks that you enjoy. Before I gave up drinking I thought drinking anything else would be boring, now I love ordering elaborate soft drinks. And there are loads behind bars now anyway. I love the Xmas glittery J20. But then I'm easily amused. I always bring drinks to parties too because it's amazing how people just don't think about non drinkers. I was at a party where even though there were a few people not drinking because they were driving and at least one pregnant person, I was still the only person who thought to buy any soft drinks!
But despite feeling okay about it all now, those early do's were really hard and really I should have just given them a miss.
Good luck and Merry Xmas to everyone x
If I was going to advise anything, don't tell people you're not drinking! They probably won't notice. I always felt like I had to announce it or something but really no one cares. People may still ask so it's best to be prepared for that but for me that just got easier to handle with time. Months ago I was skittish about it and defensive, now I just say I gave it up and move on to another conversation. Time is a great healer.
Also, just because you're not drinking doesn't mean you can't have nice drinks that you enjoy. Before I gave up drinking I thought drinking anything else would be boring, now I love ordering elaborate soft drinks. And there are loads behind bars now anyway. I love the Xmas glittery J20. But then I'm easily amused. I always bring drinks to parties too because it's amazing how people just don't think about non drinkers. I was at a party where even though there were a few people not drinking because they were driving and at least one pregnant person, I was still the only person who thought to buy any soft drinks!
But despite feeling okay about it all now, those early do's were really hard and really I should have just given them a miss.
Good luck and Merry Xmas to everyone x
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Thank you Dee. I remember how challenging my first Christmas was. I hadn't been sober for one in decades, & was a lost soul at first. I was so relieved I had SR to turn to, and gathered strength from the people here. Knowing I wasn't alone made a huge difference.
I built up in my mind how odd it would seem to everyone that I wasn't drinking. I don't think anyone even noticed or cared. It wasn't all about me - imagine that!
.
We are a family here, and we will see each other through. The new year will be brighter for the hard work you're doing to get yourselves healthy and happy. I'm proud to be part of this amazing community.
I built up in my mind how odd it would seem to everyone that I wasn't drinking. I don't think anyone even noticed or cared. It wasn't all about me - imagine that!
. We are a family here, and we will see each other through. The new year will be brighter for the hard work you're doing to get yourselves healthy and happy. I'm proud to be part of this amazing community.
Been there, done that!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London
Posts: 539
I done Xmas and new years sober 3 years ago and really enjoyed it and saved loads of money and hassles for myself... And to be honest it's lovely eating a Xmas meal sober it tastes so much better....
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
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I use a lot of positive acronyms in trying to be a better person.
A good one re alcohol is STPLTP which stand for short term pleasure long term pain or if you have spent a lot on the grog too,$TPLTP.
Easier,at that Xmas party KUG.....Keep up guard!
KIS Keep it simple.
KIK Keep it kind.:day6
A good one re alcohol is STPLTP which stand for short term pleasure long term pain or if you have spent a lot on the grog too,$TPLTP.
Easier,at that Xmas party KUG.....Keep up guard!
KIS Keep it simple.
KIK Keep it kind.:day6
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Thanks Dee, great post. We've told everyone we're having a shut in Xmas Day (except my Ma's now coming over as she'd be alone otherwise) so I can keep escape activities handy. My Dads taking us to the pub for lunch on Xmas eve, he knows I've got a problem and despite having one too he won't be pushing drinks on me. Boxing Day driving to my brothers in London so have the driving excuse and NY eve we stay in anyway as babysitters charge a feckin fortune anyhow.
I'm working (on purpose) through the break too so that's an added defence.
That's my plan folks!
I'm working (on purpose) through the break too so that's an added defence.
That's my plan folks!
Last edited by NapsteR1; 12-22-2012 at 03:09 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Cardiff
Posts: 144
I will be driving everywhere! The easiest excuse of all and also the one thing that will definitely stop me from drinking.
I told my mum I would be driving to her house Christmas Day so she need not over board with wine etc. she said 'so you are not drinking at all?!?! Surely you can have just one glass of champagne with the family?'
Talk about guilt trip. I know she does not mean to but some people can put so much pressure on you to drink.
This will be first Christmas sober and I have to be honest I'm not looking forward to it at all. I almost wish Christmas would disappear which is a horrible thing to feel. I've always loved Christmas and this year I feel lost, detached and isolated. I have got old friends texting me to meet up for drinks and for the most part I have not even replied.
Ill get through this week but surely being sober over Christmas should not be this miserable? Just want it to be over already.
I told my mum I would be driving to her house Christmas Day so she need not over board with wine etc. she said 'so you are not drinking at all?!?! Surely you can have just one glass of champagne with the family?'
Talk about guilt trip. I know she does not mean to but some people can put so much pressure on you to drink.
This will be first Christmas sober and I have to be honest I'm not looking forward to it at all. I almost wish Christmas would disappear which is a horrible thing to feel. I've always loved Christmas and this year I feel lost, detached and isolated. I have got old friends texting me to meet up for drinks and for the most part I have not even replied.
Ill get through this week but surely being sober over Christmas should not be this miserable? Just want it to be over already.
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Hi sneeker
I think a lot depends on the situations you put yourself in - the more booze sodden the situation the less happy we're likely to be, especially over the first Xmas.
Why not try and find as many fun things to do as you can that don't involve alcohol at all?
and be careful of the designated driver lark - I've seen it often here, many a DD has come undone by taking 'just that one drink'...especially when other people don't understand why we won't, and they keep offering...
there really is no 'one drink' for people like us...if we never forget that we'll be doing ok
D
I think a lot depends on the situations you put yourself in - the more booze sodden the situation the less happy we're likely to be, especially over the first Xmas.
Why not try and find as many fun things to do as you can that don't involve alcohol at all?
and be careful of the designated driver lark - I've seen it often here, many a DD has come undone by taking 'just that one drink'...especially when other people don't understand why we won't, and they keep offering...
there really is no 'one drink' for people like us...if we never forget that we'll be doing ok
D
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by DarkDays 
Seen so many desperate slobbering drunks rolling about London in the Last few days, more than enough to keep me sober. Uk is sinking under AlcoHell .
One thing that's struck me now I'm looking from the outside in, is how fast peeps get drunk. Went to the pub after a team meeting in London a week ago (drove to town so I could have that excuse and duck out early) at 15:30, by the time I left at 17:00 half the crowd was starting on their 4th pint and getting to that red faced and shouting stage.
Was a real wake up call, looking at one guy thinking - he looks w@nkered already and he'll push through to shots and the last train home and he's me, except I'd have had a hangover before I started.
Makes me think how I've looked to non drinkers and normal people over the years. Probably explains why 90% of my social circle are heavy drinkers too.
Hmmm.....
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Between the Moon & the Stars
Posts: 211
Thanks for the post Dee! Unfortunately, I will be alone for the holidays so no outside pressure to drink. Instead, it'll be the overwhelming loneliness that I will need to deal with not to drink.
I've always loved to park myself on the pity pot. I will need to be aware when I slip into it and try to use positive self-talk.
It won't be easy but I'm determined. I'll also be on SR a lot!
I've always loved to park myself on the pity pot. I will need to be aware when I slip into it and try to use positive self-talk.
It won't be easy but I'm determined. I'll also be on SR a lot!
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