fallingtogether

Husband has work Christmas party tonight. Dinner and drinks.
I have reservations about going.
God is putting a snow storm in our path, although the resturaunt is very close, it's a great excuse.
I am more than strong enough to say no thank you, I quit drinking, but I am not strong enough to grin and bear it.
My ******** tolerance is low these days.
I don't want to waste a night out at dinner with people who are what I used to be, but I want to be there for my husband.
Bottom line, I'm not scared of the alcohol, I'm scared of my level of discomfort. Does this make sense?
I figured by now, it would be a bit easier than this.

totfit

This makes perfect sense to me. Being around it rarely bothers me now, but sometimes it makes me irritable and ill. I used to really be uncomfortable around it, though my wife drinks a glass or two of wine most nights. There was a time though when I did not want to be at a "party" if there was much indulging. It did not make me want to drink as much as it made me feel irritable and uncomfortable. I have opted out of situations like this in the past because of this. Certainly the most important thing is to take care of ourselves.

MIRecovery

Makes sense to me. At first I absolutely could not be in drinking situations because I would have a panic attack, this progressed to tolerating drinking situations, today they are what they are and I am even learning to enjoy moderate drinkers

Joe Nerv

When I had 80 days, it felt like a million years sober. Truth is, it's still very new in the game. At 80 days lots of situations still made me very uncomfortable. And I had to put myself first. Things that were told to me that were helpul in situations like parties were:

You are not required to go, and a simple no will do. Although I realize realize an explanation is often needed. If a whilte lie is necessary, I have to realize that this IS actually life or death. And it won't always be this way.

I can leave at any time if I'm uncomfortabe, and again, I don't need to offer any explanation. I can also tell the truth the next day, and my real friends will understand and be supportive.

If possible, I can take someone along with me for support. That's usually an AA member, but I don't know if you are an AA member.

I can use the phone for support. As much as I need to. When I got sober that meant carrying a pocket full of quarters. Nowaday it's a lot easier.

Make sure I'm well hydrated as to not get even the least bit thristy, and always have a glass of some non alcoholic beverage in front of me. Most people don't even notice you're not drinking.

And if offered alcohol I've always done best with a simple "no thanks, I'm good." And if peope persisted I'd follow with I'm not drinking. If they still persist, which they rarely do, I give a simple, "I don't drink." End of story. I don't think it's ever gone further than that. If the people knew I drank like crazy, I might have said I need to keep away for a while. Followed by a firn "no" 99.9% of people get it. Even drunks.

LDT

I was uncomfortable in these situation for about a year and avoided many events. But for those occasions where it was important for me to be there for my husband, I just bit the bullet. I figured it was the least I could do since he had sacrificed so much for me, and supported me during my alcoholic spiral. ( but that's just me). Having said that, it really is important to take care of yourself..... especially since you are new to sobriety. p.s. I really do get that intolerance for ********..... but I'm not really sure that ever goes away

Mark75

Oh HELL yea it makes sense, and actually shows some common sense on your part that unfortunately is not so common....

I was about 90 days for my first christmas party and it s#cked a$$.. It was in my own house so not going, well, not an easy option, LOL... though I did "Suddenly Realize" I had an important last minute errand to run, and I left for about an hour to get my head screwed back on right.. LOL

If you aren't ready for it... get the flu, LOL... if you can't get yourself to do that, drive in separate cars and leave early if you have to...

Stay sober AND happy... do whatever you need to to stay both!!

aasharon90

As selfish as it may seem and how uncomfortable
it may feel, I use my gut feelings and how important
my recovery is to me to decide on certain things
I need to face in life.

Today, I dont have to place myself in an uncomfortable
situation if I choose not to. My well being in important
to my recovery as well as my health.

In early recovery I stuck as close to my AA support
because drinking was not an option. All those
holiday triggers, whether it be family, parties, stress,
aggrivation, disappointments, etc, which would cause
me to drink had to be delt with properly for healthy and
right choices for me. Not for anyone else.

Those other people, family or friends, were not
in recovery, were not armed with the knowledge
of addiction and thus have and had no idea the
importance of staying sober by any cost meant
to me.

Today, I take care of me and my recovery,
because Im responsible for my own actions
and recovery where one one else is nor should
be.

Using recovery tools taught to use like those
AA prayers in the Big Book of AA, the Serenity
Prayer, all memorized to say where ever I am,
has saved me from many uncomforfortable situations
and placed me in a calm, serene, grateful, peaceful
state of mind, body and soul.

fallingtogether

Thanks for the support! I told him this morning I wasn't going. He said that he found out last night the boss' wife is planning to play drinking games during dinner. I said, well I was right, it's not a place I need to be.

TSDD

Good call. Personally I made up some very clever excuses to avoid being in places where I couldn't drink when I was drinking. I have used that skill to avoid big booze-up type parties sober. Really after some of the stunts I've pulled in my last half a year or so drinking, I'm sure nobody really missed me when I stopped coming to their parties.

aasharon90

I try to remember when I have to make
excuses that they are not lies. In time we
learn that excuses if are lies could and would
lead to shame, remorse, guilt which in turn
lead to a drink.

People dont need to know why Im not drinking
or why I cant or dont want to drink and to
escape those situation, I needed to honestly
have a reason to not attend. In being true and
honest in your decisions, we avoid having to
return to make amends for lieing and there is
no guilty, remorseful feeling to dumb with alcohol
or drugs.

It's all in the learning to live a recovery life happy,
joyous and free.

pattyj

That's very smart of you to realize that you shouldn't go. I did go to a Christmas party to support my boyfriend after a couple weeks of being sober. I told his coworkers that I wasn't drinking to give my body a break for the holidays. A few of them said they wanted to do the same but never had the courage to do so. I actually had a great time, I remembered conversations, took some great video of those drunk. After a drink or two, no one noticed that I wasn't drinking. I also had a plan with my boyfriend that if I felt uncomfortable I would leave and pick him up later. I didn't want to make him leave his party and he wanted me to feel free to leave if I felt uncomfortable. As far as the boss' wife planning drinking games, she has to respect someone for being the DD and if she doesn't then she can f*** off. It's not your boss and you are supporting your husband and allowing him to have a good time. Good luck!

fallingtogether

I'm home, in my pjs, where I have been since I got off work. He's been gone 2 hours. Not sure what to expect when he comes home, who knows what time that will be. I'm comfy sober and cozy. That's all that matters.

pattyj

Good choice and good for you!

LadyinBC

Good for you and I'm glad your hubby is supportive. One of my friends has told me that I don't have to go to these things if I don't want to. I also have the choice to leave if I choose to.

I do things that are good for me as I use to do things that were good for everyone else.

BillyPilgrim

Your sobriety is the most important. I am coming up to eleven months now, still get the odd qualm around drink

But others drinking doesnt bother me

Thing is , it doesnt interest me either, I lost my job a couple of months ago, and one of the few up points is that I dont have to bother with Christmas Parties.

I think if anyone is uncomfortable , its best not to go. Standing next to drunks isnt supporting anyone.