Again - sadly & disappointedly drunk
 

I don't recognize any names here... except D, natch (Hey bud, big hugs, wish it was a sober one). Man, I was so convinced it was over, I was over it. I started again Oct 3 but my mind "went there" way before. I had 15.5 mos sober. I hate being on this site drunk and crying again, hoping for some hope. So disappointed, but from the beginning there was no other option in my mind. Drinking was always, ALWAYS on my mind, even after I made a false pledge to never drink again. The pressure was there to make it... started an old thread on secular conex but didn't fully engage the conversation. I convinced myself I was different, convinced myself I could hang. I can't hang. This is taking an absurd amount of time to type. Hunt and peck wino style. Thanks as always for listening (reading). I've been drunk 3 times in the last month, today included, today especially. Sounds so pedestrian compared to what was once reality but I see a big flag flying... I got to hang like normal for a couple of months but my drinking is accelerating.. Not cool. I know what to do. I needed to tell & be accountable. Thanks for bearing witness.

XO GFCO

glad yer back. if nothin changes nothin changes and if ya always had alcohol on yer mind, i have to think nothin changed.
pass out, get up in the morning, and make a decision to change. yer worth it.

Hey GFCO

I wish it was under better circs, but it is always good to see you :)

so...you know what you did wrong...now you have to turn your focus to what to do right.

Sounds like you really want to be a normal drinker, hang out with your buds, live your your old life and not be different anymore.

I have bad news for you - I don't really think you can.

You changed over those 15.5 months - you can say know it was all BS but I don't believe that.

You really got somewhere and you did good things.
Read some old posts if you don't believe me :)

Now I don't know what you think is missing from the sober life you had for those 15 months....but I think it's a heck of a lot easier to find that out, and then try and fix that, than it is to try and squeeze back into your old drinkers clothes.

You already know how that movie ends.
No need for a re-make :)

A lot of faces have gone - but there is great support here still...why not join the current Class of Dec thread?

It's a start :)
D

COG,

This is one tricky disease. Powerful, cunning baffling! The only way out is not drinking. I had to make significant changes in my thought processes and in my daily life. you know it can be done, you did it before. SR is still the same great place!

Love from Lenina

Dee, you fckn tear fountain. <3 your words, thank you for being here angel. Cant go back to old posts right now but I will when I'm strong enuf. Thank you thank you thank you. <3

Welcome back, Girl, we all want to see you beat this. I wish I could tell you how it worked for me, but it is possible to quit drinking and not obsess about it every day. There is serenity in sobriety. I hope you find it.

Hi Girl, I was wondering about you. I am so happy you are back :). You can go into 2013 sober.

I hope you find relief.

Hey Girl from CO. Been wondering about you. When I was struggling you made some posts that helped me a ton. Even tho I went back out for awhile they stuck with me and contributed to me getting back on track.

Sorry to hear you are human :)

I remember you Girl. Always loved your avatar.... Glad to see you back. All is not lost, my friend, so don't give up.

I, too, took a brief "vacation" ( term used loosely) after 18 months of sobriety. Came to my senses and am happily back. Sorry for being redundant ( to those that have read this before).... buyt my sobriety really did ruin my drinking for me.

I hope you'll stick around :)

Hi Sober:

I have gotten sober several tmes, once for 2 years, then I got a divorce and I fell. Don't beat yourself up about it but do try to find other things to replace the alcohol in your life. It's so very hard. I have to fight it everyday. This seems like the worst but best time to get sober. I wanted it this time. I hated that I could not do without it, and the way it hurt my kids. So I finally reached that point where I realized I am an alcoholic. I can't have just one drink. If you would like to talk....I am here. Godspeed!

Thanks for coming and telling us what it's like out there.

All the best.

Bob R

Ugh, barf, feel so gross right now. Thanks everyone. I know what I need to do.

Me too, I hear it's a fatal condition ;)

OJ & re-hydrating. Thanks to everyone who posted. Day 1, b*tches!!! LOL. Not doing this again. I can do this. Day 1 is the easy part. Love you & thanks for the support, SR. Jumping back on the wagon immediately.

I'm glad you're back!

Thanks PD :) It's good to be back! Wish I didn't need to, but here we are. Hope you & your kiddo are doing well!

Hello - Girl. I do not know you from before but pleased to make your acquaintance now. You should be so proud that you had 15.5 months sober. I hope I can say that someday. You know you can do it - you just need to keep on trying!

Thanks TTBABP :) You'll be able to say that you've got 15.5 months sober, most assuredly. I will too, 15.5 months from now! We can do it. Big hugs :)

I was wondering about you, too. You can do this. Anyone with a kick-ass avatar like that can beat this for good. Be kind to yourself. Come here often. Best to you.

To clarify, I started drinking moderately again Oct 3. Only not moderately, you know? Always wanting more even if I was done for the night. I got drunk once "by accident" a couple of weeks ago, convinced myself that I just needed to remember what it felt like. On Sat I got drunk in a social situation and last night I was by myself. So, I can say I've really given my best shot at moderation and I can't do it. Lesson learned.