Again - sadly & disappointedly drunk
Hi Girl!
15.5 months is quite an accomplishment and you can do it again. I had a nice sober streak for a while then decided I was doing so "good" that I could try a beer. The moderation worked for a while then totally back-fired and loss all control.
Drinking is just not worth loosing control of your life.
Nice to see you in the December Class! :ghug3
15.5 months is quite an accomplishment and you can do it again. I had a nice sober streak for a while then decided I was doing so "good" that I could try a beer. The moderation worked for a while then totally back-fired and loss all control.
Drinking is just not worth loosing control of your life.
Nice to see you in the December Class! :ghug3
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I love to quote OTT. She says the question of drinking has been asked and answered. That's how it is for me too....asked and answered. Period. I know all that I need to know about it, and I don't revisit it in my head. Maybe it will be that way for you too.
BTW, "because I said so" would never be a part of anything related to AVRT. AVRT is about self-recovery. In that paradigm, not drinking is not contingent or conditional on any circumstances.
LOL I feel ya on the hair removal. UGH....
BTW, "because I said so" would never be a part of anything related to AVRT. AVRT is about self-recovery. In that paradigm, not drinking is not contingent or conditional on any circumstances.
LOL I feel ya on the hair removal. UGH....
And for your refrence: Amazon.com: R.E.M. Spring Facial Hair Remover: Health & Personal Care
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
LOL thanks for the link...look how the model is smiling...riiiiight ha!
You can do this girl. You can do anything you decide to do. Period.
You can do this girl. You can do anything you decide to do. Period.
HEY GFCO!
Thanks for your honesty. As you said, you know what to do. I have complete confidence in you that you can do it too!
Glad you are back. Your advice and good spirit always help me along
:ghug3
P.S. I thought Dee was a "Mrs" too! He is just too sweet to be a man!! lol
Thanks for your honesty. As you said, you know what to do. I have complete confidence in you that you can do it too!
Glad you are back. Your advice and good spirit always help me along
:ghug3
P.S. I thought Dee was a "Mrs" too! He is just too sweet to be a man!! lol
... this ... explains what happened when I decided to drink again. Maybe it will help somebody.
I had been thinking about drinking a lot for a while and just could never shake the feeling that things were different now and I should be able to handle myself better. Even after that thread with TU I still felt like his answers to my question of why couldn't I drink now were basically "because I said so" reasons and I wasn't really satisfied with them. It felt good for a while to say I wasn't going to drink again but soon I knew that I was. I just didn't know when.
'''
It feels peaceful to really know that I can't drink, sort of like how making the big plan or statement or whatever felt for a few days. Only now I know it's not just because TU said so
I had been thinking about drinking a lot for a while and just could never shake the feeling that things were different now and I should be able to handle myself better. Even after that thread with TU I still felt like his answers to my question of why couldn't I drink now were basically "because I said so" reasons and I wasn't really satisfied with them. It felt good for a while to say I wasn't going to drink again but soon I knew that I was. I just didn't know when.
'''
It feels peaceful to really know that I can't drink, sort of like how making the big plan or statement or whatever felt for a few days. Only now I know it's not just because TU said so
Some eventually quit for good, and some don't. I quit for good, once and for all time. What made the difference on down the road as time passed was that I DID take the strong position that I was staying quit "because I said so". Not because someone else said so, but because I said so.
I think Soberlicious was reading the idea as having been TU saying so, not GFCO saying so to herself.
AVRT's Big Plan is all about staying quit "because I said so" to myself.
Dissecting GFCO's quote above with AVRT attributions is an excellent exercise for anyone wanting to understand the single-minded potency of the AV and its persistence at getting that pleasure at any cost; and also for understanding the infallibility of using AVRT with the real Big Plan.
GT
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Well you got to give us all reminders that of the fact, that I have tried to tell and countless others..That it just didnt get any better out there for our kind.
So it happened. Your still alive. And welcome back. Those 15.5 months so were not in vain..
Was wondering where you were, sorry to hear from you this way. But the key is we get to hear from you again.. :ghug3
So it happened. Your still alive. And welcome back. Those 15.5 months so were not in vain..
Was wondering where you were, sorry to hear from you this way. But the key is we get to hear from you again.. :ghug3
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by GerandTwine
I think Soberlicious was reading the idea as having been TU saying so, not GFCO saying so to herself.
AVRT's Big Plan is all about staying quit "because I said so" to myself.
AVRT's Big Plan is all about staying quit "because I said so" to myself.
I was pulling from this part of Girl's post:
Even after that thread with TU I still felt like his answers to my question of why couldn't I drink now were basically "because I said so" reasons and I wasn't really satisfied with them.
In any event...looking to others to answer questions about your drinking/not drinking, etc. is futile. The answer is within you. You already know the answer. That's what creates the discomfort, the sniggly feeling, the unrest, the uneasiness you described in your post...because you know...
Actually, I think GFCO WAS talking about herself and not TU in that phrase. That makes it clearly AV vs. Self. GFCO simply didn't identify the dislike of that phrase as her AV. She decided that dislike was her own better judgement.
Nah, sorry to say I didn't have that much insight - but I'm flattered that you guys are giving me much more credit than I deserve ;-) I felt like TU was saying because he said so. I do get it now, but I didn't then. I let some of his posts get on my nerves so I wasn't fully engaging with the ideas we were talking about. Mea culpa.
Thanks for the SR archives
I think one of the great advantages SR gives those of us deciding to quit using AVRT is the gigantic database of past conversations we've had that can be re-read and re-understood from the MY OWN BETTER JUDGEMENT vs ADDICTIVE VOICE perspective.
The Beast can sometimes seem as persistent as this lock of hair.
And making a Big Plan can feel like doing this, but once you hop out and get into the sauna, it's sooooo nice. And because you've cut off (separated from) that lock of hair.
And your knowing you can quit whenever you choose can leave your beast feeling like this. Following a Big Plan the rain will gradually dissolve it down to a pittance of its former self, not as fast as the Wicked Witch of the Wets (typo, ... I think I'll leave it), but still.
Hey, it's fun using smilies to come up with AVRT examples!!
GT
The Beast can sometimes seem as persistent as this lock of hair.
And making a Big Plan can feel like doing this, but once you hop out and get into the sauna, it's sooooo nice. And because you've cut off (separated from) that lock of hair.
And your knowing you can quit whenever you choose can leave your beast feeling like this. Following a Big Plan the rain will gradually dissolve it down to a pittance of its former self, not as fast as the Wicked Witch of the Wets (typo, ... I think I'll leave it), but still.
Hey, it's fun using smilies to come up with AVRT examples!!
GT
Re:
I had been thinking about drinking a lot for a while and just could never shake the feeling that things were different now and I should be able to handle myself better... answers to my question of why couldn't I drink now were basically "because I said so" reasons and I wasn't really satisfied with them...
It feels peaceful to really know that I can't drink, sort of like how making the big plan or statement or whatever felt for a few days. Only now I know it's not just because TU said so
It feels peaceful to really know that I can't drink, sort of like how making the big plan or statement or whatever felt for a few days. Only now I know it's not just because TU said so
That, in itself, is your Addictive Voice (it supports and suggests drinking), and the whole "I can't drink" line of thinking is a trap, set to spring at a later date, when your AV inevitably chimes in and suggests that "things are different" now.
Can you see this?
What I'm reading between the lines here, GirlFromCO, is you saying in a roundabout way that if you could drink, that you would, indeed, drink. Is that correct?
That, in itself, is your Addictive Voice (it supports and suggests drinking), and the whole "I can't drink" line of thinking is a trap, set to spring at a later date, when your AV inevitably chimes in and suggests that "things are different" now.
Can you see this?
That, in itself, is your Addictive Voice (it supports and suggests drinking), and the whole "I can't drink" line of thinking is a trap, set to spring at a later date, when your AV inevitably chimes in and suggests that "things are different" now.
Can you see this?
As always, I respect anything that keeps a person sober, be is AVRT, AA, whatever. I don't mind if you want to contextualize my experiences within the framework of your viewpoint, but personally I'm sticking to understanding this process within the context of my own experience, which is much more meaningful to me. Hope that comes off right.
Thank you for sharing your journey, GFCO. Hated reading it but it is such an honest reminder of what lies in wait when we feel we have conquered this disease. Merry, sober Christmas, sweetie. Glad you're here with us again.
WB GFCO,
I haven't relapsed because many folks like you had the courage to not only pick yourselves up and go again, but having the courage to admit it. Which helps others not make the same mistakes.
I haven't relapsed because many folks like you had the courage to not only pick yourselves up and go again, but having the courage to admit it. Which helps others not make the same mistakes.
What you wrote next about being done forever is actually far better than "I can't drink", which externalizes the reason for not drinking, makes abstaining conditional on "not being able" to drink, and which might actually mean "I'm not going to drink for now because I can't, but if that ever changes, then all bets are off."
All the AV has to do with that shaky foundation is to chip away until it convinces you that you can drink. This is not difficult to do, since few can actually prove that they can't drink, and over time, many will forget why they concluded that they "can't" drink in the first place.
I know that what I'm saying may sound like recovery heresy. However, it is far more difficult to convince someone that they will drink, when they have decided that they simply won't drink, than it is to convince them that they can drink, when they already hope that they could.
No worries. I thank you for an interesting thread, GirlFromCO.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by GirlFromCO
I know I'm done drinking forever - the technicalities of why/how don't really matter to me.
Why? to be honest...it's because I didn't understand the technicalities.
I don't subscribe to any "program". I only learned about AVRT after I quit this second time. I have a working knowledge of many programs. Understanding the mind, especially the addicted mind, has been key in my journey. Ignorance is bliss...but for me, it has proven dangerous.
Just throwin' that out there.
I'm super happy that you are finding some peace!
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