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Again - sadly & disappointedly drunk

Old 12-20-2012, 05:22 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Hi Girl!

15.5 months is quite an accomplishment and you can do it again. I had a nice sober streak for a while then decided I was doing so "good" that I could try a beer. The moderation worked for a while then totally back-fired and loss all control.

Drinking is just not worth loosing control of your life.

Nice to see you in the December Class! :ghug3
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Old 12-20-2012, 06:05 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
 
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I love to quote OTT. She says the question of drinking has been asked and answered. That's how it is for me too....asked and answered. Period. I know all that I need to know about it, and I don't revisit it in my head. Maybe it will be that way for you too.

BTW, "because I said so" would never be a part of anything related to AVRT. AVRT is about self-recovery. In that paradigm, not drinking is not contingent or conditional on any circumstances.

LOL I feel ya on the hair removal. UGH....
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Old 12-20-2012, 08:11 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by soberlicious View Post
BTW, "because I said so" would never be a part of anything related to AVRT. AVRT is about self-recovery. In that paradigm, not drinking is not contingent or conditional on any circumstances.

LOL I feel ya on the hair removal. UGH....
I know, I think it was my own BS with TU that made me feel resentful of the process and never really commit to it. That's on me, not a fundamental problem with AVRT or with TU. That's my own sh*t that I bring to the table.

And for your refrence: Amazon.com: R.E.M. Spring Facial Hair Remover: Health & Personal Care
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Old 12-20-2012, 09:23 AM
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LOL thanks for the link...look how the model is smiling...riiiiight ha!

You can do this girl. You can do anything you decide to do. Period.
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Old 12-20-2012, 09:29 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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So pleased you came back to us, and Thankyou for posting your story. It is really helpful to hear how drinking in moderation will never work for an alcoholic. It has helped me x
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Old 12-20-2012, 09:43 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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HEY GFCO!

Thanks for your honesty. As you said, you know what to do. I have complete confidence in you that you can do it too!

Glad you are back. Your advice and good spirit always help me along

:ghug3

P.S. I thought Dee was a "Mrs" too! He is just too sweet to be a man!! lol
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Old 12-20-2012, 11:20 AM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by GirlFromCO View Post
... this ... explains what happened when I decided to drink again. Maybe it will help somebody.

I had been thinking about drinking a lot for a while and just could never shake the feeling that things were different now and I should be able to handle myself better. Even after that thread with TU I still felt like his answers to my question of why couldn't I drink now were basically "because I said so" reasons and I wasn't really satisfied with them. It felt good for a while to say I wasn't going to drink again but soon I knew that I was. I just didn't know when.

'''

It feels peaceful to really know that I can't drink, sort of like how making the big plan or statement or whatever felt for a few days. Only now I know it's not just because TU said so
I think this sort of decision making happens to almost everybody who's addicted to booze and/or drugs. It certainly happened to me, a number of times, but with a different schedule and involvement of others.

Some eventually quit for good, and some don't. I quit for good, once and for all time. What made the difference on down the road as time passed was that I DID take the strong position that I was staying quit "because I said so". Not because someone else said so, but because I said so.

I think Soberlicious was reading the idea as having been TU saying so, not GFCO saying so to herself.

AVRT's Big Plan is all about staying quit "because I said so" to myself.

Dissecting GFCO's quote above with AVRT attributions is an excellent exercise for anyone wanting to understand the single-minded potency of the AV and its persistence at getting that pleasure at any cost; and also for understanding the infallibility of using AVRT with the real Big Plan.

GT
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Old 12-20-2012, 12:08 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Well you got to give us all reminders that of the fact, that I have tried to tell and countless others..That it just didnt get any better out there for our kind.


So it happened. Your still alive. And welcome back. Those 15.5 months so were not in vain..

Was wondering where you were, sorry to hear from you this way. But the key is we get to hear from you again.. :ghug3
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Old 12-20-2012, 12:10 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by GerandTwine
I think Soberlicious was reading the idea as having been TU saying so, not GFCO saying so to herself.

AVRT's Big Plan is all about staying quit "because I said so" to myself.
YES! LOL Damn those pronouns...
I was pulling from this part of Girl's post:
Even after that thread with TU I still felt like his answers to my question of why couldn't I drink now were basically "because I said so" reasons and I wasn't really satisfied with them.
It should have more accurately read: "because he/she/they said so" would not be part of AVRT. "because *I* said so" (speaking in the first person) is most certainly AVRT.

In any event...looking to others to answer questions about your drinking/not drinking, etc. is futile. The answer is within you. You already know the answer. That's what creates the discomfort, the sniggly feeling, the unrest, the uneasiness you described in your post...because you know...
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Old 12-20-2012, 12:39 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by soberlicious View Post
It should have more accurately read: "because he/she/they said so" would not be part of AVRT. "because *I* said so" (speaking in the first person) is most certainly AVRT...
Actually, I think GFCO WAS talking about herself and not TU in that phrase. That makes it clearly AV vs. Self. GFCO simply didn't identify the dislike of that phrase as her AV. She decided that dislike was her own better judgement.
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:14 PM
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Nah, sorry to say I didn't have that much insight - but I'm flattered that you guys are giving me much more credit than I deserve ;-) I felt like TU was saying because he said so. I do get it now, but I didn't then. I let some of his posts get on my nerves so I wasn't fully engaging with the ideas we were talking about. Mea culpa.
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Old 12-20-2012, 01:16 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by GirlFromCO View Post
I do get it now, but I didn't then.
Correction - I should say that I *think* I get AVRT now. I thought I got it before but I was wrong, obviously.
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Old 12-20-2012, 02:09 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Thanks for the SR archives

I think one of the great advantages SR gives those of us deciding to quit using AVRT is the gigantic database of past conversations we've had that can be re-read and re-understood from the MY OWN BETTER JUDGEMENT vs ADDICTIVE VOICE perspective.

The Beast can sometimes seem as persistent as this lock of hair.

And making a Big Plan can feel like doing this, but once you hop out and get into the sauna, it's sooooo nice. And because you've cut off (separated from) that lock of hair.

And your knowing you can quit whenever you choose can leave your beast feeling like this. Following a Big Plan the rain will gradually dissolve it down to a pittance of its former self, not as fast as the Wicked Witch of the Wets (typo, ... I think I'll leave it), but still.

Hey, it's fun using smilies to come up with AVRT examples!!

GT
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:19 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Re:

Originally Posted by GirlFromCO View Post
I had been thinking about drinking a lot for a while and just could never shake the feeling that things were different now and I should be able to handle myself better... answers to my question of why couldn't I drink now were basically "because I said so" reasons and I wasn't really satisfied with them...

It feels peaceful to really know that I can't drink, sort of like how making the big plan or statement or whatever felt for a few days. Only now I know it's not just because TU said so
What I'm reading between the lines here, GirlFromCO, is you saying in a roundabout way that if you could drink, that you would, indeed, drink. Is that correct?

That, in itself, is your Addictive Voice (it supports and suggests drinking), and the whole "I can't drink" line of thinking is a trap, set to spring at a later date, when your AV inevitably chimes in and suggests that "things are different" now.

Can you see this?
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Old 12-20-2012, 08:06 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dalek View Post
What I'm reading between the lines here, GirlFromCO, is you saying in a roundabout way that if you could drink, that you would, indeed, drink. Is that correct?

That, in itself, is your Addictive Voice (it supports and suggests drinking), and the whole "I can't drink" line of thinking is a trap, set to spring at a later date, when your AV inevitably chimes in and suggests that "things are different" now.

Can you see this?
Yeah, I mean the whole point of drinking again was to see if I could drink again. I should probably just make clear to everyone that at this point I'm not wanting to get back into AVRT or any other program. I know I'm done drinking forever - the technicalities of why/how don't really matter to me.

As always, I respect anything that keeps a person sober, be is AVRT, AA, whatever. I don't mind if you want to contextualize my experiences within the framework of your viewpoint, but personally I'm sticking to understanding this process within the context of my own experience, which is much more meaningful to me. Hope that comes off right.
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Old 12-20-2012, 08:57 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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Thanks for coming back and posting. And thanks for your resolve to stay sober. And thanks for coming back before the damage got to bad to not be able to come back,.
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Old 12-20-2012, 09:08 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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Thank you for sharing your journey, GFCO. Hated reading it but it is such an honest reminder of what lies in wait when we feel we have conquered this disease. Merry, sober Christmas, sweetie. Glad you're here with us again.
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Old 12-20-2012, 09:29 PM
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WB GFCO,
I haven't relapsed because many folks like you had the courage to not only pick yourselves up and go again, but having the courage to admit it. Which helps others not make the same mistakes.
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Old 12-20-2012, 10:33 PM
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Originally Posted by GirlFromCO View Post
Yeah, I mean the whole point of drinking again was to see if I could drink again.
The problem is that you can actually drink, and you've probably proven by now that you are quite capable of downing drinks. Instead, you are (apparently) unable to do so without a high probability of experiencing problems such as rapid re-addiction. "I can't drink" is ultimately an unprovable assertion, which is precisely why so many people try these so-called "tests" from time to time to see if the assertion is actually valid.

What you wrote next about being done forever is actually far better than "I can't drink", which externalizes the reason for not drinking, makes abstaining conditional on "not being able" to drink, and which might actually mean "I'm not going to drink for now because I can't, but if that ever changes, then all bets are off."

All the AV has to do with that shaky foundation is to chip away until it convinces you that you can drink. This is not difficult to do, since few can actually prove that they can't drink, and over time, many will forget why they concluded that they "can't" drink in the first place.

I know that what I'm saying may sound like recovery heresy. However, it is far more difficult to convince someone that they will drink, when they have decided that they simply won't drink, than it is to convince them that they can drink, when they already hope that they could.

Originally Posted by GirlFromCO View Post
I know I'm done drinking forever - the technicalities of why/how don't really matter to me.
That's the key right there. After all, if you "can't" but still will, you aren't going to beat the rap. When it comes to beating the rat race of addiction, won't is ultimately what counts. Yes, in light of your experience, I do suspect that you already know this.

Originally Posted by GirlFromCO View Post
I don't mind if you want to contextualize my experiences within the framework of your viewpoint, but personally I'm sticking to understanding this process within the context of my own experience, which is much more meaningful to me. Hope that comes off right.
No worries. I thank you for an interesting thread, GirlFromCO.
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Old 12-21-2012, 07:33 AM
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Originally Posted by GirlFromCO
I know I'm done drinking forever - the technicalities of why/how don't really matter to me.
I hear ya. I respect your position. Since we are on a "recovery forum" though, I will just share my own experience. I had the same mentality. Done. Don't care about technicalities. And, with that, I did not drink for 10 years. 10 happy, productive, fairly "normal" years. Then...I drank again after that long, and of course became quickly readdicted. Sadly, I wasted another 7 years of my life, and this time took three young children along for the ride.

Why? to be honest...it's because I didn't understand the technicalities.

I don't subscribe to any "program". I only learned about AVRT after I quit this second time. I have a working knowledge of many programs. Understanding the mind, especially the addicted mind, has been key in my journey. Ignorance is bliss...but for me, it has proven dangerous.

Just throwin' that out there.

I'm super happy that you are finding some peace!
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