Racing thoughts tonight :(
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 21
Racing thoughts tonight :(
In just a few hours I will have 26 days of sobriety under my belt and I couldn't be more excited! But today has been an excruciating day emotionally and I feel on the edge. I am kind of in between sponsors at the moment as I had a falling out with the one I have and am in the process of getting another which is what is aiding in my edgy feelings today. She had some very selfish actions and threw me under the bus in a business meeting for my home group AA yesterday and it left me feeling embarrassed and irritated.
Today my "best friend" verbally attacked me and threw my past in my face. It made my whole day feel out of whack and it triggered my anxiety pretty badly. My husband is currently out of town, my oldest is having health problems, and then there is just every day life as a mother and wife that is stressful. All I want to do right now is just run to the store and grab a bottle of wine. My brain is doing that typical alcoholic chatter..."just one bottle, that won't do you any harm" over and over and over in my head. I know better, I know that I don't want to ruin almost 30 days because someone else had to be a jerk and lash out, but it is a low night and I am feeling pretty crummy. I have gone to an AA meeting everyday for 20 days and today I didn't go to any....I was going to go to the online one here but I missed it because I forgot it was EST and I am PST
I am torn between drinking myself to oblivion and just curling up and crying and "oozing self pity". I am so thankful for this forum and I am hoping that it helps keep me sober when the rest of the world can't
Thanks for letting me vent
Today my "best friend" verbally attacked me and threw my past in my face. It made my whole day feel out of whack and it triggered my anxiety pretty badly. My husband is currently out of town, my oldest is having health problems, and then there is just every day life as a mother and wife that is stressful. All I want to do right now is just run to the store and grab a bottle of wine. My brain is doing that typical alcoholic chatter..."just one bottle, that won't do you any harm" over and over and over in my head. I know better, I know that I don't want to ruin almost 30 days because someone else had to be a jerk and lash out, but it is a low night and I am feeling pretty crummy. I have gone to an AA meeting everyday for 20 days and today I didn't go to any....I was going to go to the online one here but I missed it because I forgot it was EST and I am PST
I am torn between drinking myself to oblivion and just curling up and crying and "oozing self pity". I am so thankful for this forum and I am hoping that it helps keep me sober when the rest of the world can't
Thanks for letting me vent
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 43
I think your post just answered exactly what you know is going to happen if you have a drink. You originally state that your typical alcoholic chatter is saying, "Just one bottle of wine... ", but at the end of the post you talk about drinking to oblivion. For me, and I am assuming for you, that first bottle will lead to another and then another.
If you can for at least tonight, just know that there are others going through this same feeling as you. We are all here for you. Try to do a little exercise to get rid of the racing thoughts and get some rest. When you wake up tomorrow you are going to feel so much better than if you were to get a temporary fix from alcohol tonight. 26 days of sobriety is great. Just imagine how 27, 28, or even 90 days will feel.
Please stay strong. It is only going to get easier.
DNVR
If you can for at least tonight, just know that there are others going through this same feeling as you. We are all here for you. Try to do a little exercise to get rid of the racing thoughts and get some rest. When you wake up tomorrow you are going to feel so much better than if you were to get a temporary fix from alcohol tonight. 26 days of sobriety is great. Just imagine how 27, 28, or even 90 days will feel.
Please stay strong. It is only going to get easier.
DNVR
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Allentown pennsylvania
Posts: 47
Don't take the dive. Hang in there. I always say if you feel like crying then do so. It does relieve some stress. Tomorrow is a new day and you're gonna dazzle everyone. I actually just took a ride to clear my head at 1030 in the freezing cold. I pulled over next to a small wooded area and grabbed a piece of wood that was left from a tree fort my big brother and my friends built Ohhh about 15 years ago. Idk why but it made me feel better. I think I'll make something out of it for his birthday to show him how much he means to me. Sometimes you gotta do something positive to keep your mind from the stresses until you feel you're ready to re evaluate the events of a tough day. I'm not that far ahead of you at 43 days. So I still have those racing thoughts as well.
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Hang in there utopia. Think thru the drink...it may numb you for a few hours but tomorrow you will be feeling even worse. 26 days is awesome, keep it going! Can you get to a morning meeting? When I have times like those just knowing I can wake up and go rt to a meeting helps me keep it together.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 21
You are all so right...
I am going to try and go to a meeting tomorrow after I drop my oldest off at school. I am going to sip some tea and go to bed, and you are right, tomorrow is another day! I hate this tug of war feeling that alcohol does...you know it's wrong but you want to justify it anyway!
That speaker site Sapling is amazing...THANK YOU!
I am so blessed to have found SR!
I am going to try and go to a meeting tomorrow after I drop my oldest off at school. I am going to sip some tea and go to bed, and you are right, tomorrow is another day! I hate this tug of war feeling that alcohol does...you know it's wrong but you want to justify it anyway!
That speaker site Sapling is amazing...THANK YOU!
I am so blessed to have found SR!
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