lilgolden73

On 12/19/10 I was begging my hubby to go to the ER because he was sick and it wasn't getting any better, he refused and said " I will know when it's time" 2 days later he woke up confused and ended up in ICU and on 12/23/10 he took a massive turn for the worse and coded and died. What followed was heavy drinking and not caring whether I lived or died, I actually thought it would be better for me to just die too, because I didn't wanna live with this pain. Last Christmas I was a mess as well, and drinking of course. This will be my first sober Christmas in a long time. I want to be positive and think I won't get stinkin' drunk Sunday, at least I hope I won't. We miss him, and no amount of numbing changes that This I have learned. Bah humbug I say! LOL!

Anna

I'm sure this must be a very difficult time for you and your family to get through, but I think your husband would want you to take care of yourself.

lilgolden73

Yes Anna he would and I can't very well judge him for not taking better care of himself when I am not taking care of myself. When I get to heaven, after I hug him I am going to smack him upside the head for putting me through this!!! Can you even do that lol?

Hevyn

I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, lilgolden. As you've already found out, getting numb and foggy solves nothing. The pain is still there when we sober up, and then we're also disgusted with ourselves. You don't need that. You need to continue to heal, with a clear head.

It's good you're talking about this and not holding it inside. I hope you'll be able to enjoy the holiday season to some extent. Glad you are here and sharing your feelings.

Delilah1

Hi Lola,

I am thinking about you and sending you hugs. I am here on Sunday if you need me. Hang in there. :ghug3:ghug3:ghug3

Dee74

Hi Lola

I just wanted to let you know you're part of the family here - there's no way you'll be alone this Christmas

D

Pondlady

Lola,
I knew this difficult memory was coming up for you and have been thinking of you and your daughter. Hevyn is so right, drinking doesn't help, and makes us disgusted with ourselves.

You've been doing an amazing job....keep it up...and keep close to SR on Sunday if it helps. You have a fresh New Year ahead of you

Sapling

Praying for you for peace and strength....Stay close.

Weasel1966

I agree with dee. You are family. Spend this time with us. I cannot pretend to know the depth of your pain but I can be here for you.

Ken

lilgolden73

Thanks Everyone! My son will be in town for the holidays so I will have all 3 of my babies together, that always makes me feel better of course and I will be checking in here as well, you guys are great