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A tribute to my wife

Old 12-18-2012, 12:39 PM
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A tribute to my wife

Teresa was born into nothing, with an alcoholic father who died when she was 6. As the baby of the family, her older siblings worked to give her a better life than they themselves experienced – nice clothes and a car when she was 16. Her mother stipulated in her will that the family home would not be sold unless Teresa had a place to stay; mom was very sick before she passed when Teresa was in her late 20’s.

When Teresa was in her late teens, her sister and best friend died horrifically of leukemia just days after her wedding; Teresa never recovered from this loss. Teresa always liked her beer, but this tragedy quickly drove her down a bad path, including an abusive relationship that included excessive drinking, drug use and physical beatings. Treatment centers were tried and failed, as Teresa continued to run from problems, holding onto the belief that she could fix herself.

Teresa blamed her drinking on the bad memories from her hometown – faint recall of trips to bar with father, early death of sister, caring for sick mother, abusive boyfriend – and left her hometown for what she referred to as the Mecca. She had a decent job and her sister’s family was in walking distance from her apartment. She loved seeing her nephews grow up. Her sister’s job at the hospital provided her with affluent friends; relationships she always longed for, that were deserving of her electric personality. After about a year of her being in her new world, I called her up.

I was a friend of hers in that small town; I suggested that I visit her Mecca. The 90 mile trips became frequent, but the bars were always part of my weekend visits. I had never experienced first-hand the life of an alcoholic and admit I was pretty naïve. After about a year of dating, my job took me 500 miles South and Teresa went with me. She had 3 or 4 jobs in 12 months in Indiana, and the drinking continued. I worked nights so she was often alone; we each worked while the other was home. I tried to fix her by adding a dog to our family. Although she loved her puppy, the drinking continued.

After 18 months of living with “the hicks”, my job took us back to Mecca, but the issues didn’t stop with the move. The good times definitely outweighed the bad. When Teresa wasn’t drinking, she was the best person I knew – smart, giving, and kind to everyone she met, people and animals. You had to love her. Although the alcohol and a couple more trips to rehab made me hesitant to progress the relationship, I decided after about 6 more years that marriage was the “fix” this time. I soon realized marriage and a new house in a great neighborhood wasn’t the answer. Although the bad times were worse, they didn’t last as long. She became a binge drinker, but the binge included job loss, longer detox time, and occasional hospital visits for cuts and broken bones. After about four years of this, I reacted by moving out for a short time and filing for divorce. However, as the time approached for the final court date, I canceled the proceedings to give it another shot.

The last year has been like the others, good and bad. Everything was a trigger, happiness or sadness, too little or too much stress at work, the death of one dog and addition of a new puppy. During these binges, my new way to cope was to leave the house. Al-anon meetings or going to the bar coincided with her binges. Divorce was on the horizon, but again the good times were still very good.

A month ago today, Teresa called me one last time to ask for forgiveness, saying that she was sorry about what the alcohol did to her and how it affected the marriage, and she vowed to do better tomorrow. Overnight, Teresa died in her sleep at the age of 49. The people who Teresa actually welcomed into her life will say they lost one of the best people they knew.
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Old 12-18-2012, 12:44 PM
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So sorry for your loss. Sorry, too, that your wife could not know the peace of sobriety.
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Old 12-18-2012, 12:52 PM
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What a sad story. I too am sorry for your loss but thank you for sharing your experience with us; especially those of who could face the same fate as your wife without encouragement and support.
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Old 12-18-2012, 12:53 PM
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I'm so sorry. Hopefully, sharing your tragic story will help remind us that tomorrow is not a given. It's helped me. Thanks.
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Old 12-18-2012, 12:58 PM
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I'm very sorry for your loss DJ - may she now enjoy eternal rest, away from the pain that comes from alcohol.

I pray you also find peace - it's wonderful that you can remember the goodness you both enjoyed together. I think it's clear, especially from her last phone call, that she must have loved you very much, as you clearly loved her very much.

God bless you DJ, and may you always remember the love you shared for each other.
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Old 12-18-2012, 12:58 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss <3 Thank you for having the courage to share & for the reminder to us all. This broke my heart, but this is the reality.

Xx
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Old 12-18-2012, 01:50 PM
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God bless you for working so hard and loving her unconditionally. Hold on to those good times. I am very sorry for your loss. I pray that she now is at rest in the prescense of the Lord
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Old 12-18-2012, 01:56 PM
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This is such a relentless and greedy disease.

I'm so so sorry for your loss DJ...but thank you for sharing a little of your and Theresa's story.

You'll find a lot of support and understanding here.

D
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Old 12-18-2012, 01:56 PM
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So very sorry for your loss.
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Old 12-18-2012, 02:01 PM
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Thank you so much for sharing this powerful story. Thank you.
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Old 12-18-2012, 02:08 PM
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It truly breaks my heart that Teresa never found peace in her life. This was a wonderful tribute to her.
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Old 12-18-2012, 04:15 PM
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DJ...what a moving tribute to your wife. Thank you for sharing. It is a reality check for sure of what this disease can do to you. May she rest in peace.
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Old 12-18-2012, 04:46 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss, DJ. Thanks for sharing your moving story with us all. Feel good knowing that it will do some good for others. May you know happiness in your life moving forward.
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Old 12-18-2012, 04:52 PM
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very moving rip
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Old 12-18-2012, 05:00 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss and the losses that Theresa experienced too.

It is agony watching the ones you love die in pain.
Hold on to your memories and know they are watching over you too.

Xxxx
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Old 12-18-2012, 05:06 PM
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I'm very sorry for your loss.
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Old 12-18-2012, 05:10 PM
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I'm terribly sorry for your loss, DJ. Thank you for sharing your story with people who need to hear stories like these. I admire your courage and hope you find peace.
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Old 12-18-2012, 09:05 PM
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Just goes to show that even the best people can be afflicted by this horrible condition... I am so sorry to hear of your loss
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Old 12-19-2012, 02:54 AM
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I'm very sorry for your loss. It sounds like she was a very rare and special person, even with the drinking. I hope you can cherish the good memories of her and the time you shared.
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