New - 17 days sober - still in denial?
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
New - 17 days sober - still in denial?
So this is my first post.
I last drank 17 days ago at my H's company xmas party. There was an opened bar, but I had only a couple of drinks that night. Out of the blue, it just hit me . . . I need to stop drinking.
When I'm alone in my thoughts, I know I drink too much. I know that when I have one, that usually means I have ten. I know I don't (can't?) always control myself.
But that's when I'm alone in my thoughts.
In the real world, I don't think I really have a problem. I often don't drink for days (yeah I can strings DAYS together - really impressive - sarcasm). After I have too many I usually take three days off to let the poison clear through my system. I don't have any withdrawal symptoms. I told my friend today that I couldn't go out for a drink with her this evening because I'm watching my CALORIES. Even when I admit to others "I think I drink too much", others say to me "No you don't", "Don't be silly" and "If YOU drink too much, what does that say about ME?" and we laugh it off.
I'm lying to the real world, right?
When I drink, I drink A LOT. Two bottles of deep, beautiful red wine - pish . . . easypeasy . . . and a couple of mixed brandy drinks to follow.
Anyway, I thought I'd post today even though I don't really know what I'm doing. I haven't drank for 17 days. I've already decided I won't drink today. I haven't decided if I'll have a drink tomorrow or not. I'll decide tomorrow morning when I wake up. This is the way I've been doing it . . . just deciding one day at a time.
I last drank 17 days ago at my H's company xmas party. There was an opened bar, but I had only a couple of drinks that night. Out of the blue, it just hit me . . . I need to stop drinking.
When I'm alone in my thoughts, I know I drink too much. I know that when I have one, that usually means I have ten. I know I don't (can't?) always control myself.
But that's when I'm alone in my thoughts.
In the real world, I don't think I really have a problem. I often don't drink for days (yeah I can strings DAYS together - really impressive - sarcasm). After I have too many I usually take three days off to let the poison clear through my system. I don't have any withdrawal symptoms. I told my friend today that I couldn't go out for a drink with her this evening because I'm watching my CALORIES. Even when I admit to others "I think I drink too much", others say to me "No you don't", "Don't be silly" and "If YOU drink too much, what does that say about ME?" and we laugh it off.
I'm lying to the real world, right?
When I drink, I drink A LOT. Two bottles of deep, beautiful red wine - pish . . . easypeasy . . . and a couple of mixed brandy drinks to follow.
Anyway, I thought I'd post today even though I don't really know what I'm doing. I haven't drank for 17 days. I've already decided I won't drink today. I haven't decided if I'll have a drink tomorrow or not. I'll decide tomorrow morning when I wake up. This is the way I've been doing it . . . just deciding one day at a time.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 9
I know how you feel... it makes it so much harder (for me anyway) to completely accept the fact that I have a drinking problem when no one else seems to think so (even though I know so)... people on this site have told me that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it only matters what I think... and I think they are right... congrats on 17 days =)
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
thanks for the replies.
Yeah, not drinking for 90 days should really be my goal. It's just . . . I don't know . . . I guess scary. I don't know why that would be scary. Something about having to truly admit that I'm addicted, I guess. I mean if I end up having a drink or two on Christmas eve (it's hard to over indulge on Xmas eve for me since I'm surrounded by non-drinkers then), that would make me a failure . . . a loser . . . an addict.
I've got to get this stuff figured out.
Yeah, not drinking for 90 days should really be my goal. It's just . . . I don't know . . . I guess scary. I don't know why that would be scary. Something about having to truly admit that I'm addicted, I guess. I mean if I end up having a drink or two on Christmas eve (it's hard to over indulge on Xmas eve for me since I'm surrounded by non-drinkers then), that would make me a failure . . . a loser . . . an addict.
I've got to get this stuff figured out.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Hi Milly
Nice to meet you. I haven't exactly admitted out loud that I have a problem but I decided that I am finished with alcohol. I think the labels are less important than the benefits to just quitting for problem drinkers. All I know is that I drink alcoholically. I have no off button. I was a binger and I had to change, or lose my job, friends, house etc. I tried to moderate for over a year and failed. I don't see the point in just drinking one or two. I'd rather have none or all, so I opt for none.
Good luck
S x
Nice to meet you. I haven't exactly admitted out loud that I have a problem but I decided that I am finished with alcohol. I think the labels are less important than the benefits to just quitting for problem drinkers. All I know is that I drink alcoholically. I have no off button. I was a binger and I had to change, or lose my job, friends, house etc. I tried to moderate for over a year and failed. I don't see the point in just drinking one or two. I'd rather have none or all, so I opt for none.
Good luck
S x
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