WiggleIn

it is only day one, but at least i have begun. last time i was here i couldn't go more than a few days without drinking. this time i am committed and am going to do things best i can. starting with talking to my doctor, and probably finding a counselor. i did not do this last time. i had a therapist but i was not honest with her, i didnt even mention that i drink. i am ready to be honest.

i feel so low right now, but hopefully logging my progress here will help me to process what i am feeling, and get me to hang around here this time around.

i am feeling so so bad about lying to my boyfriend about my drinking, although it was obvious i have a problem, i still wont admit it to him. i dont know what to do, other than quit (drinking). i dont want to talk to him about it because i am embarrassed. does anyone else feel this way? what is the right thing to do? do i need to talk to him about it?

Elisabeth888

You are doing the right thing by planning to talk to your doctor and a therapist! That is a huge step! And you are admitting it to yourself and on SR.

Be kind to yourself. If you don't feel like talking to your boyfriend about it, maybe you should not at this time. I am VERY embarrassed to this day about things I did while drinking. I think it takes a lot of time for healing.

Keep posting here and we will be with you every step of the way.

WiggleIn

I think you are right. I feel like at least admitting to myself and getting the help I need is at least better than nothing, and hopefully he will see that. He is so much more important to me than drinking. Perhaps one day I will feel like talking to him about it, its just too much right now.

kiwi1971

I am on day 4. On Sunday I admitted to my partner that I was an alcoholic. While I knew it before I never admitted it to myself and this was the first time I ever said it out loud to anyone. She loves me and so was very supportive and kind. Fronting up has giving me the strength to make a change and knowing someone very close to me is there for me will make the journey that much easier.

If your boyfriend loves you and you can trust him to support you through this then you should consider sharing.

andisa

When honesty is compromised, that's a clear sign something is wrong. We can make excuses forever about why we're being dishonest, or secretive, but at the core we know we're hiding from something. It's my experience that what we hide from is most often something in ourselves. We bury in in drugs and alcohol so we can't see it, hoping it's so well hidden others don't see it either.

Don't worry about anyone else right now. Until or unless you stop drinking you probably won't be able to see what the problem is, so that would be step one. Talk with someone you trust and find help.

Say, I'm right where you are right now, in the hiding, and feeling scared and embarrassed and fearful about being exposed. So I don't have answers, but people here at SR helped provide direction, and I'm taking their advice. An NA meeting is in order for me tomorrow. Perhaps AA, or people at AA, might offer you some direction, some help.

hypochondriac

I can really relate to this WiggleIn. I lied to my last partner about my drinking, or at least was deceptive about it, and although we are not together now I still feel too embarrassed to admit my alcoholism to him (we're still good friends). Now I feel it isn't any of his business but it did really affect our relationship and I feel guilty about that.

Your situation is totally different to mine though seeing as you're still together, so maybe it is worth thinking about. I told my family (who had no idea) after a few months sober and even though they haven't always understood it, it has felt better knowing I am honest with someone in my life about what's going on. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted once the panic died down.

Michael66

Hi WiggleIn

I think many of us started feeling low (or the feeling low kicked in after a few days). I kept a diary and it's interesting to look back - I was miserable to begin with and them around weeks 3 and 4 for me, I can see the lifting of my mood in my diary.

Well done on starting off on your day 1!

God bless.

Deleteda

Hi WiggleIn, Im in the same situation just now and on day two sober. I dont want to tell my boyfriend either of my problem, too scared and embarrassed to admit it also. Ive hid a lot of my drinking from him, we dont live together so have managed it so far. We drink together at weekends, he is able to have a few and stop, I cant and it has crept into the rest of my life again. Dont want to admit to him than Im an alcoholic, I know I am but admitting it to him or anybody else in my life terrifies me! Im sorry I dont have any answers or help to give you just now just wanted to let you know that I feel the same way.