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Old 12-17-2012, 10:17 PM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Agoura Ca.
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My Introduction

Hello sober brothers and sisters!!!

I am new to this site so I thought I would just introduce myself by sharing with you my story.
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In 1951 I was 3 years old and had asthma, I had an allergy to everything you could think of including life.
One day I was staying at my grandfather’s house when I had an asthma attack and he gave me a shot of whiskey, it worked great. By the time I was 5 and a half I learned that if I faked an asthma attack at my grandfather’s house I was rewarded with a shot of whiskey. I absolutely loved that man.
As I got older I noticed that not only did the whisky seem to cure my allergy to dogs, cats grass, eggs , chocolate and many other things but it also seemed to cure my allergy to life.
As a young boy I was a loner and I did not have any friends. I just did not seem to fit in. I was afraid of my shadow’s shadow. I knew that there was something wrong with me but I didn’t know what, and I was ashamed but I didn’t know why. I knew that if I had a little nip I would feel instantly better.
My parents kept an open bar which I used to sneak into and by the time I was 13 I was drinking fairly regularly, I had a feeling it was wrong so I tried to keep it a secret and I was good at it because I would drink and then isolate.
In 1965 I was 17 years old and had been drinking like a pro for quite some time I had finally found a few friends who liked to drink too. I was also in a rock and roll band and had a girl friend. life was good so it seemed.
My girl friend’s mom use to have a lot of friends over to her house on Wednesday afternoons and they would read out of some book and talk, drink coffee and laugh a lot. Meanwhile we would walk right through the middle of their little meeting carrying a brown paper bag with a fifth of vodka in it and go straight to her room, drink the booze and have sex. No one said a thing. Life just couldn’t get any better then that.
A couple of months went by when one day I walked my girl friend home from school. We walked into her house and found her mother dead in her bed with a empty bottle of vodka and a empty bottle of sleeping pills on her bed stand. There was a note pined to her blouse that read “ I can’t live like this any longer, I love you, mom.
That was the first AA funeral I went to. My girl friend moved to another town with her dad. I got a big resentment against AA because I thought it did not work and because it took my girl friend away.
I continued to drink.
Many years went by when I found out that my old girl friend had taken her own life in the same fashion as her mother.
When I was 35 I had outgrown my asthma but I was having other health issues, I went to the doctor and I was told that my liver was failing and that if I continued to drink I would be dead in 5 years. So I figured that I still had 5good years to drink and so I did and then some.

I knew I was an alcoholic and at the age of 42 I decided to cut back on drinking. I took a solemn oath that I would only drink on weekends. Well that didn’t work so I decided to drink only beer. Well I could not drink enough beer to get the effect I needed and it made me pee too much. So I switched to wine but wine gave me the runs but it did work a little better then beer but I found that I was drinking almost a gallon a day. So I figured that is not what I should be doing so I switched to 151 rum at least I did not need to drink much of that to achieve the desired effect but I hated the taste not that it mattered that much but I finally switched back to vodka until the day came that I decided I would just quit all together.
Well I can tell you that with every fiber of my being I could not stop drinking on my own. I could not even put 24 hours together.
Someone suggested Alcoholics Anonymous but I had a big resentment against AA from my earlier years besides “I am not that bad”
I staggered into Alcoholics Anonymous drunk one afternoon when I was 45 years old. I sat in the back of the room and hated everyone there. No one talked to me but I heard someone say “keep coming back until the miracle happens“. I did not drink that night and I came back the next day, I was shaking and sweating and did not hear a thing except keep coming back until the miracle happens, I still hated these people and I felt different then them and I listened for the differences instead of the similarities but I did not drink for 2 whole days and that was a miracle in itself. This went on for about a week I would not identify myself as an alcoholic and I began to think “see, I can stop maybe I am not an alcoholic” So I drank again and kept drinking until I was 46 when once again I found myself back in the rooms of AA but this time I actually bought a book and said hello to someone ( a pretty girl ) who said to me “stick with the men” what a stuck up bitch I’ll never say hello to her again. Besides I am married with 2 children and I did not need any more trouble then I already have.
After about a week of sitting alone and not talking to anyone I finally got up enough courage to identify as an alcoholic and a new comer and after that meeting a nice gentleman came up to me and said hello and asked how much time I had and I said 6 days and he said “WOW how did you manage to get 6 days “ I said “I didn’t drink” he said “how did you do that? I said “I don’t know” he said “welcome to AA” he asked me if I had a book and I said “yes” then he asked me if I read it and I said “no” and he suggested that I read The Doctors Opinion and that he would see me the next day.
I went home and read The Doctors Opinion and it may well have been written in Japanese.
I went to the meeting the next day and my new acquaintance was there and he asked if I had read The Doctors Opinion and I said yes and then he asked “what did you think” I wanted his approval and I wanted to feel like I was a part of so I lied and said “I thought it was great” I continued lying about understanding what I was reading for 3 more weeks but went to meetings every day and even though I was feeling terrible the tremors that I was experiencing in the first 2 weeks seemed to be getting better and I had not had a drink in 30 days and I took a 30 day chip.
But once again I felt that I had beaten alcohol’s ass and since I had nothing in common with those people in AA I stopped going to meetings.
After a while I began controlled drinking which worked for about 3 days but soon I was drinking worse then before.
I continued on this path for 9 more years going in and out of AA sometimes taking dirty chips never getting a sponsor or keeping a sponsor and never working the steps wondering why I wasn’t dead yet but I did have a head full of AA and I knew that there were people in the rooms that were getting sober and staying sober.
Finally I hit bottom, I could no longer work I was 8 months behind in my mortgage, my house was in foreclosure, my marriage was all but over I now had grandchildren that my daughter wouldn’t allow me to see. I was drinking 2 half gallons of vodka every 3 days I was blacking out every night, my eyes were yellow, I could not keep any food down and I was bleeding internally I was beginning to die and all of that wasn’t the main problem.
I had a big empty hole in my soul and I was alone I could not stop drinking and I wanted to die, I remembered my old girl friend’s mother who committed suicide and understood why and it sounded like a good idea.
I remembered that I had given my guns to my mother to keep for me because I thought this day may come. Driving over to my mother’s house to ask for my guns so I could kill myself seemed like a bad idea besides I was to drunk to drive.
So on August 9th 2006 I walked out onto my porch in the Santa Monica Mountains and I flung a good sturdy rope over a beam and tied it and then tied a noose on the other end, I then walked back into the house to get a chair to stand on , while I was in the house I picked up the phone and called a friend in AA and my friend on the other end of the line asked “so, are you done?” I paused and thought about it for a while and then said “yes”
That was my last drink.
We talked for a long time. I went to a meeting the next day. I can’t even begin to tell you how sick I was. I joined a men’s step study group, got a sponsor, I followed direction and went to a meeting every day for 90 days sometimes even 2 or 3. I did the steps with my sponsor and took a couple of commitments.

You see, lack of power was my dilemma and I needed to find a power greater then myself which I never had before
Thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous and to our fellowship I have been able to find that power.
But it took years of pain that finally brought me to my knees to give me the willingness and the honesty required to be open to letting the power in.
Today I sponsor a hand full of guys that had the same kind of problem that I did. My worse nightmares and ugliest things that I have done in the past have become my biggest assets.
My desire to drink has long since past and all of the promises that they talk about in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous are a reality for me today .
I live in a joyful happy sober home today with my wife of 40 years and grandchildren that visit all of the time. I kept that home in the Santa Monica Mountains and my mortgage is paid.
Keep coming back until the miracle happens.
David B.
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Wow! What a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome David!

Wow - that is an amazing story.... I can only imagine how much you've been able to help others. Congratulations on coming back from the brink and finding a new life! I can totally relate to breaking down in order to break through.

Glad you've joined us and thanks for sharing what you've been through.
"Being happy with who you are and what you have, is a decision that has to be consciously made.
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:36 PM   #4 (permalink)

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Yes, thank you do much for sharing!
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Old 12-17-2012, 11:18 PM   #5 (permalink)
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good to have you here David - welcome to SR

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Old 12-18-2012, 12:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Great story! Welcome to SR. This is why I keep coming back!
I realized I could probably go on drinking like this for maybe two or three more years, or live for another two or three decades...but not both. Suddenly the choice became crystal clear.
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Old 12-18-2012, 12:43 AM   #7 (permalink)

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Beautiful, David!
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Old 12-18-2012, 04:22 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR david.

Thankyou for sharing.
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