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Hopeless

Old 12-17-2012, 08:44 PM
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Hopeless

First post. I'm married with a great wife and a beautiful 4-year-old son. I quit drinking 3 years ago when my wife basically gave me an ultimatum. Quit drinking (after a solid 15 year career as an alcoholic) or get divorced. So, against my better judgement t, I quit.

Here's the problem. Life without alcohol totally and completely ******* sucks. I have no social life anymore, I have no outlet or way to relax, and I am totally isolated from the world. And I actual prefer living in isolation than going out into the world and not being able to drink.

Drinking was my enjoyment in life. Without it I have no joy. No fun. And I feel like a child. I can't drink alcohol? What am I a 5 year-old? Adults drink alcohol. Boring, everyday schmucks and losers don't. Simple as that. Don Draper doesn't walk up to the bar and order a ******* club soda. He orders a scotch. And don't get me started with AA or finding a 'hobby.' I'm an atheist and I don't want a hobby, I want a goddamn drink.

The result of all this is, as you may have surmised by now, is that I'm sober but angry and downright miserable to be around. Not surprisingly my wife has given me another ultimatum. If I don't find a way to be happy and enjoy life sober, she wants me out of the house. I'm a walking black cloud and she can't take it anymore. And I don't blame her.

So barring a miracle I'll be moving out soon. My guess is Ill go right back to drinking, which will kill me sooner or later (hopefully sooner.) Truth be told I'm not even looking for advice. Just the temporary relief that comes with sharing my feelings with the outside world. Which I now have. Toodles.
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Old 12-17-2012, 08:47 PM
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Also, sorry for the swearing. But I'm really pissed off.
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Old 12-17-2012, 08:51 PM
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Wonder what you are hoping to find in a place where most people (it seems to me), feel differently than you.
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Old 12-17-2012, 08:52 PM
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If you are that unhappy, perhaps you are dealing with depression? Sometimes people take alcohol to self medicate. Consider an evaluation.
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:02 PM
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You're always welcome back if you decide you want to stay sober and need support.
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:05 PM
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Thank you for giving us a poster for what it's like to stop drinking without any change effected spiritually in our lives. I am certain I would be just as miserable as you seem to be.

There are 12 step options for atheists......just sayin'
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:12 PM
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So your life has been horrid for the last 3 years? Maybe it is because you didnt quit drinking for you but for your wife. Did you enjoy being addicted to alcohol?
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:15 PM
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ForVv, I hope you stay sober and have a Merry Christmas.

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Old 12-17-2012, 09:20 PM
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I am scared for the christmas holiday. It seems like a big ordeal with my family to drink on Christmas eve. Any advice?
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:25 PM
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I make sure I have a non alcoholic beverage with me...but I also avoid those situations with alcohol unless I feel super comfortable (I skip a lot of events...I'm not usually super comfortable...
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:28 PM
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Well, my family doesn't want any of our friends or distant family to know im in recovery. So if I miss, then they will get suspicious.
It's kind of a tough situation.
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:34 PM
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Oh, that sounds difficult. Ginger ale is what I try to have handy. I don't know how helpful that is, but it helps me for what it's worth...I hope you will have fun without too much anxiety. Is there someone in your family you can confide in and help support you? Just a thought...
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:41 PM
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My dad, he's an addict as well, but he doesn't want anyone to know we don't have the picture perfect family...ya know?
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:47 PM
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My family doesn't want to believe I have a problem at all and they have experienced the worst of it- I can relate to the perfect family stuff. My siblings have told me I can drink safely if I choose- and my sister is trained as a substance abuse counselor! Huge denial going on there- and pressure. Yes, I do feel for you...
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:52 PM
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Hi forVv

I hope you come back - I really do - but I wanted to reply to a little of your post anyway...someone else might read it

Drinking was my enjoyment in life. Without it I have no joy. No fun.
I feared that too...almost 6 years on I have a lot of joy and fun in my life...it's not the same as the rock and roll Ozzy Osbourne style Bacchanalia, no ...but I believe in it more - it's more real 'joy' and a more substantial 'fun'.

I got sick of living in a 24/7/365 A&E Behind the Music....

I want more from life than that now - and I get it.
I needed to want it, and I needed to be prepared to make changes to get it tho.

And I feel like a child. I can't drink alcohol? What am I a 5 year-old?
actually I think adults who know the damage their drinking does to themselves and their loved ones, and yet won't quit...are pretty much like a child.

I know I was - I threw a few tantrums to prove it too lol.

Adults drink alcohol. Boring, everyday schmucks and losers don't. Simple as that. Don Draper doesn't walk up to the bar and order a ******* club soda. He orders a scotch.
Don Drapers not real, though...he's an actor playing a part & that's apple juice in the glass.

However much we buy into the fantasy we all know that.
We don't get to any of the real life humdrum stuff on Mad Men

and the people DD was based on - the real people...they died a while back, man...cancer, liver problems....all that alcohol and tobacco related stuff

That's the reality of drinking and smoking to your hearts content.

I know...'live fast die young leave a good looking corpse'...

When I was lying on my bathroom floor and I knew this was it...this wasn't some TV show...I was really dying?

the only thought I could focus on was how much I squandered of what I'd been given...how many days I'd wasted drinking and drugging, and how much I'd hurt and rejected and ingnored the people who loved me...and not once but time and time again.

I would have given anything for one more day back then...one more day to do it right for once.

well, I was lucky - I've had nearly 6 more years...and counting

And don't get me started with AA or finding a 'hobby.' I'm an atheist and I don't want a hobby, I want a goddamn drink.
OK - not even gonna argue with that one...sounds like one of my old tantrums

I'm impressed (in a perverse way) that you can live like you must have been for 3 years...

but how much longer realistically can you stay pissed off at the world, at your wife, and resist the drink?

If you come back and stick around you just might find there is another way to live...it starts with accepting what you are, and what you need to do.

you'll find more than a few of us are not boring schmucks either

D

Last edited by Dee74; 12-17-2012 at 10:23 PM.
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:53 PM
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:15 PM
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Dee I just gotta say it you're a kickass person!!! ForVv I truly do hope you find the happiness you're seeking. However, losing a family and a home may not be the best way to kick things off. You have options available to help with the way you feel. Good luck and hope to see you around.
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:38 PM
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Hi ForVv,
I understand that frustration you feel with sobriety. I recently relapsed after 8 months sober because my life was devoid of 'fun' and I went out drinking on the town. Unfortunately, that 'fun' I was missing is fleeting and quickly turns into anti-social behaviour on my part. I ended up drinking alone for 4 days and spending money earmarked for necessities like rent and food leaving me hungry, broke and threatened with eviction. I need to be sober or I will be a lonely, homeless drunk in no time at all.
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Old 12-17-2012, 11:12 PM
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Hi ForVv,
I think that you are trying to say that being able to drink is more important to you than your wife, child or health. Is that really true? I never looked at my drinking that way until I had lost a lot and then I realised that I threw it all away so I could be drunk. I hate that I did that. You can avoid it.
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Old 12-17-2012, 11:41 PM
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I hope you give sobriety a shot ForVv. Doing it for someone else probably won't work, as you've surmised. Still, in a way I'm surprised it's been all bad. I was a career drunk too but although I'd love to still be able to do it I'm glad to lay that burden down. Whenever I was sober I was hung over and miserable, and it was getting to where the booze wasn't even taking all the edge off.

Ah, Don Draper! That's the sort of thing that kept me drinking, too! It's easy to be cool when you're fictional. We guys seem to think that the manly ideal is to be able to be macho, drink, fight etc. without consequences. But in the real world there are consequences. I'm thinking when Mad Men comes back again Don may have to address his drinking. If you recall he tasked Megan with monitoring his drinking and not letting him get too ripped.

I'm an atheist, too. I have plenty of hobbies; many of them are more enjoyable now. It would be great to be able to get f**cked up every night but in the end I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the experience.

It's hard to know what to say. I suppose the under the right set of circumstances I'd say to h3ll with it too and just drink myself to deal, a la "Leaving Las Vegas". But in the second half of my life I want to live!

Good luck to you, man. I hope it works out for you whatever you decide. SR is always here if you want to talk, or even to scream.
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