AndreTT

I went to AA for the first time this Thursday and one guy there who is sober 90 days wrote down my phone number now he is calling me everyday. He asks a sh*tload of questions everytime, like, what are my fears, my regrets, whatever. He is even talking about wanting to be a friend and coming down to my house. He is even talking about getting me a job.
I think he treats me like a child.
I'm feeling good and I dont feel like drinking
I find this very annoying. I just got awoken by my cell phone ringing and it was him. This time I didnt answer.
Does anyone have some suggestion?

least

Yes. Ask him not to call you every day. Especially not early in the day. Tell him that you'll call him if you need support.

Sapling

That's a little much...I think the idea is for you to get a list of numbers as a newcomer to use as necessary...I'd be uncomfortable with that. But you staying connected with sober alcoholics on a daily basis isn't a bad idea.

Mo S

I have been clean and sober 29 years and a member of AA for most of that time. AA people can be a bit overzealous or downright overbearing with their "12 step" work. The selfish program hooks you in with a spiritual awakening maintained by "passing it on" (what you learn.) Just like getting to the pearly gates only you are still breathing lol. So this man, tho may be sincere is doing his "12 step" work. His heart is probably in the right place.

Go with your gut. You have the right to choose your own sponsor. And especially NOT to be woken up by anyone (just my opinion). My sponsors called me at appropriate times. Sponsorship is a huge part of being an AA member. If you want a sponsor......you can pick your own.

Or, you can politely tell him to back off a little. Set some boundaries.

Or, you can follow the herd and be a "good boy". Just kidding, but there are "herds" if you look for them.

Best of luck in your sobriety whatever YOU CHOOSE. It is your life.
AA saved mine and for that I am forever grateful.

Depending on where you live.....there are actually different styles of AA. Not to mention EVERY MEETING has different personalities. I got sober in NY. I moved to FL almost 6 years ago and it is completely different here.

People may disagree with some of what I have said and thats ok. We all have our own experience and opinions based on it.

We all have our very own individual program of recovery. We work it together.

AA is just one option. There are many ways to go.

I wish you a life that is happy, joyous and free. Most of all....sober, because the rest will come if you work for it.

Mo

Sapling

I don't see anything mentioned about a sponsor...I see a guy with 90 days calling a newcomer that just went to his first meeting. That wouldn't have sat well with me.

aasharon90

Newcomers or newly sober or clean members
are sometimes extremely eager to help the
newcomer when they themselves are still wet
behind the ears so to speak.

As it is important to eventually help others by
sharing our own experiences, strengths and hopes
of what our lives were like before, during and
after alcohol or drugs, it is also important that
we take care of ourselves by learning the tools
and knowledge of our alcohol and drug addiction
in order to help others.

For me, trust was and still is an issue for me
and am not eagerly rushing out to get peoples
name and numbers of those I personally dont
know. I think in todays age with so much uncertainty,
I would rather be safe than sorry about getting
close to others.

I find it safe enough to talk briefly at a meeting
outside or in a coffee shop, but giving out my
phone number or address is guarded information
I choose not to release to just anyone.

Over the past 22 yrs sober I have kept my
program at meetings and home life at home.
Sure I had a sponsor and used her as needed
but mostly met her at meetings or a convention.
She was there to call on if needed and always
used suggestions and not telling me what to
do. It was by her examples and actions in recovery
that I followed and patterned my recovery after.

I found what worked for me through out the yrs and
you will too in helping you stay sober or clean and
life a happier, healthier, safer, enjoyable, honest
life in recovery.

Wastinglife

I have heard stories on this forum about "13th steppers". Is it possible this guy has ulterior motives in contacting you so often?

Camperboy

I think he likes you...

Fandy

Early sobriety was difficult enough. (I am assuming thursday was day one)?
Just politely tell him, its way too much, you need your own space. You don't have to allow him in your personal space, home, etc.
But i wouldn't be rude, because he thinks he is helping. Just tell him it's better if you call him instead.

AndreTT

I'm not surprised. That's one reason people end up in a ditch somewhere.

I dont even feel like going to the meeting today.

Camperboy

oh no, don`t let that sway you from going. Just be up front and thank him so much for being there at such a critical time in your life but would feel better if you would contact them if you get weak and need support.
Tell that person that you really appreciate it but you also don`t want to be focused on your sobriety ever moment of the day.......He will understand and move on the the next newbie.....lol

Stride34

Those are really weird questions to ask someone. I'd tell this guy in no uncertain terms to back off.

escapist

I stress about hurting peoples feelings. I would probably ignore the calls. I am a coward when it comes to telling someone NO. I would have to look at it like this person probably does this to every newcomer and they have likely been told to back off before. It is inconsiderate to presume it's ok to call someone constantly. So he is either ignorant or insensitive. Either way it probably hurts you more than it hurts him if you tell him to leave you alone.

Sazzle

That's a bit odd to me. You don't need the added stress in your early days. 90 days is nothing. I wouldn't feel qualified to advise anyone. Please mention it to someone rise in the class as, he is sick, as are all of us in the rooms. The chair last week told of another member 15 years ago who took £2,500 off him for a clapped out van worth £50. He said he felt as he couldn't say no as he was trying to help. The man was a bit of a hard nut but still have over the cash. There are all sorts out ther. Please tell him to stop phoning as its not helping you right now.

Good luck.
S x

ACT10Npack

When I stay AA a few years back, I gave my number to a person that was sober for over 5 years. Boy, that was a mistake. He was call me at work hours and ask me how I was feeling and doing. I told him not to call me at those times. After I move to a different state I never talk to him again. Not a phone talker person.

Just tell him to stop calling you all the time and call at certain hours of the day.

AndreTT

Me too. I have a phobia of phones.

Threshold

It's possible this guy is calling you because HE needs someone to talk to and doesn't want to admit it, so he calls in the guise of helping you.

I had that happen with a lady in my home group when I first got clean.

When he asks you those questions, I'd say "that sounds like step work, and I really think those are things I should discuss with my sponsor."

Screen your calls. it's an anonymous program and you have every right to your privacy and how you work your recovery.

Anna

I hope that you can let him know you don't appreciate his calls.

I'm glad you're doing well with your recovery.

AndreTT

This is weird, the guy keeps calling. He called at 11PM Saturday and invited me to a party. Then today he called me and invited me to go to a place that I used to drink in. I told him very clearly that I used to drink in these places and that I'm "not even a f***ing week sober" so I would like to stay away from these places. He is VERY insistent.

Is it just me or is this ABSOLUTELY WEIRD things to ask a newcomer???

Wifi

It's a bit wierd... Tell him to back off.. I must admit however that I typically talk to another alchie at least once a day but that's how we roll in so cal and I have had years of sobriety at times so I have lots of sober friends...