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triggers ..HELP

Old 12-16-2012, 08:47 AM
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triggers ..HELP

I'm trying to deal with the triggers that set me off. First of all my situation is very difficult,as my son and his grlfrnd,with her 2 kids and my 2 grdkids live here,and have been for some time. They are 1 of my biggest triggers,because basically they have lousy parenting skills. They both drink and use mj. They treat the kids bad,not physically but emotionally. I've threatened to turn them in to 241 kids b4. In turn,they threaten me with never seeing the kids again. They disrespect me,my rules,my stuff. They have broken and destroyed almost everything I own. I've kicked them out b4,but they never stay gone long,because they have no where else to go.And I just don't want the kids taken away,put in foster care,or being on the street or a shelter. Even though they treat me like crap,I still love and care 4 them. I'm trying to get well and stay well here,and they aren't making it any easier for me. I know stuff happens,and I can't control some things in life,but I can control how I react 2 them. But knowing that they are big triggers 4 me,and they have 2 live here as well,what or how do I handle this? Its a daily ongoing battle. Its not an easy one like avoiding clubs,or something I can get away from. Oh yeah,my hub never has my back on any of this. I feel like they are all against me,I'm the odd man out. Any ideas?? I'm desperate here. Thanks...
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Old 12-16-2012, 08:53 AM
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Originally Posted by raja12 View Post
I've kicked them out b4,but they never stay gone long,because they have no where else to go.
You've got the reason why they don't stay gone long wrong.

They keep returning, only because you allow them to.

If you want change, then make some changes.
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:00 AM
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Wow. Sounds like me also, exc I am a dude. What I have to do is move. My kids sold a lot of my studio equipment and watches for a bad H situation. kicked them all out of the house, and my "wife" totally was against it. I didnt care. I just cant do this...try to stay sober. I couldnt after 3 rehabs with these triggers. Maybe you can. Dont know.
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:08 AM
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Wow.... sounds like a difficult situation. I think it's really important to set some boundaries and make it clear up front. If everyone is involved and understands what is acceptable/not acceptable, it will be their choice if they continue in their behavior.

The trick is to see this as a separate issue from alcohol and not get sucked back in to our old ways, which obviously don't solve anything. It's hard as a mom, I know, but you deserve the right to take care of yourself, too.:ghug3
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted by raja12 View Post
I know stuff happens,and I can't control some things in life,but I can control how I react 2 them. But knowing that they are big triggers 4 me,and they have 2 live here as well,what or how do I handle this? Its a daily ongoing battle. Its not an easy one like avoiding clubs,or something I can get away from....
You got that right here. You have the right mindset. I can imagine that this is hard since they are family and you can't choose your family.

No advice because I have family going thorugh the same situation and at times it seems hopeless.

Stay strong and focus on your recovery and just try to believe that everything will fall into place, raja.

:ghug3
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Old 12-16-2012, 10:42 AM
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Thanks everyone 4 your advice. I guess I am the enabler here,because I can't have my grandkids on the street? Or worse,turn them all in because they use mj. Sure social services wouldn't like the fact they do that. I have set rules and boundries, but they keep on doing the same stuff .Its a no win situation, ,because yes,they are family. And I'm a mom, and grandma. I know all about tough love,but I have to put the kids 1st. And try to stay sober in the process. Guess I will just have to suck it up, as usual.
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Old 12-16-2012, 10:58 AM
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I'm really sorry that you are going through this. My mom is an enabler to all of her kids. The two adults left living there do not have jobs or cars. They also don't have kids. That's what really makes it tough. It's not the kids fault. I hope that they grow up and move out so that you can move on.
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Old 12-16-2012, 11:38 AM
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Originally Posted by raja12 View Post
Guess I will just have to suck it up, as usual.
To continue living this way or change how you live, is entirely your choice to make.
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Old 12-16-2012, 11:47 AM
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Xune know u mean well,but this is my family here. I really don't want them on the steet,ya know? Obviously u don't. But thanks 4 ur Input anyways.
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Old 12-16-2012, 12:42 PM
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If they end up on the street, that will be their choice.

You are not responsible for them or their choices.
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Old 12-16-2012, 01:03 PM
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I think some things clearly resist a black and white kind of solution.

I'm sorry for your situation Raja - I do think your son and DIL are using your obvious love for your grandchildren here for their own ends.

I'm not a parent - I have no experience to share but I think you have a right to set boundaries in your own home, and I think you have the right to insist on those boundaries.

I also think, all up, those kids deserve better than what they're getting right now from the responsible adults in their life.

I'm not sure how the system works over there so I'll let others better versed in such things respond

D
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Old 12-16-2012, 01:29 PM
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Sorry to hear about your predicament raja. Would they qualify for government housing? Maybe you can research what housing options are available for them. Maybe talk to a Social Worker.
Look after yourself raja and stay sober.
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Old 12-18-2012, 11:03 PM
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Hi raja, I'm sorry for your difficult situation, sounds very painful. I don't have kids either so I don't know if my suggestion is feasible or not. But is there any way you could get temporary custody of your grandkids? That way you could oust son and dil until they get their heads/hearts straight and you would have your home back and be able to protect and take care of grandkids. I hope you definitely receive some help for situation. Take care.
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