felixthecatuk

I am in a desperate, desperate situation in the UK and would hope an Angel on this forum could be found that would guide me to a solution to what appears to be a no hope situation.

I am married to a beautiful, warm caring, funny, amazing 32 year old woman. She is also an alcoholic.

In the short 4 years of our marriage, which has been nothing less than torturous hell, my wife has descended to a level in her addiction that will surely kill her within weeks. She's been into rehab on 7 separate occasions, for period of 1 month, 3 months, 6 months. We've tried 12-Step programmes, CBT, Therapautic and other approaches. She's been in the likes of The Priory twice, and in several more intensive, alcohol-only recovery programme. Each time she's not lasted 24 hours without drinking, and usually 48 hours before being back in hospital again. On one occasion last year she was thrown out of rehab after whisky was found in her room.

The situation I am dealing with today is as follows. My wife has been in a rehab in Northern England since June, in a programme with only two other residents, and which focuses exclusively on alcohol. The staff there have been running this rehab for 20 years, and have solid success since many of the attendees of the local AA meetings found there recovery in this rehab.

My wife started drinking again in this rehab and over the last 4 weeks she has gone completely out of control. Twice she's come down to London, and has been found at Kings Cross station paralytically drunk. She's been sneaking out of the rehab at night to drink, and has been offering her body to strangers in return for alcohol. She was arrested for assault last week, but while in custody the police gave her more alcohol. Infact, one officer offered to buy her alcohol if she agreed to go on a date with him, which she did. She sat in his car yesterday drinking vodka while he molested her.

The rehab would normally throw residents out for drinking, but have tried to work with my wife through her relapses since they realise the situation is desperate and they don't want to abandon her to a certain death. However, she's crossed too many lines, broken too many rules, and now the rehab has asked that I collect her as they want to throw her out.

I am petrified of collecting her from rehab in the state she is in. She has really given up all hope and is just trying to drink herself to death. If I was to take her back home (I live in central London) she will simply disappear into the London night and not be seen again. In an ideal world she would be forcibly restrained for a period of time to get her through the impending christmas and new year celebrations, but having her committed to a psychiatric hospital (sectioning) isn't something that seems possible for addiction.

Would any of you with experience in these matters have any idea as to what I could/should do next ? Are there detox/rehab facilities that are secure and that will not allow her to leave the premises ? Is there any chance at all of having her detained under a mental health order ? I've got less than 24 hours to remove her from her rehab and I just don't know where to turn, what places are available and what I should do next.

Would anyone have any good ideas ?
Thank you for taking the time to read, and I would appreciate any suggestions that you can give.

mecanix

Hey Felix ,

Sounds like your wife has some pritty major problems going on , you'll find lots of support in the friends and family area i'm sure, as well as here in the newcomers area :-
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information


Above all look after yourself, you cant fix her problems for her and sometimes putting sencible limits on the help you give can help the person with the problem . You sound like a great husband .


Bestwishes , M

artsoul

Welcome felixthecatuk -

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Your wife is fortunate that you continue to fight for her recovery. I'm not in the UK, so I'm not familiar with the options there, but we have quite a few members here from the UK who might be able to offer some ideas.

Have any of the doctors or treatment centers offered any suggestions? Are you getting any support for yourself, like AlAnon? We have a family/friends section here:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Alcoholism is so heartbreaking. You're in my prayers and I'm glad you're here. :ghug3

FeelingGreat

It sounds like your wife is in a desperate situation, but without sectioning is there any way of securing her? You may not be able to control this situation at all. Have you faced up to that possibility?
I would have thought the rehab she's in now would have all the information you need. If they don't know then the facility you're looking for might not exist.
Look after yourself.

Wastinglife

Here in Canada, if the person is deemed a danger to themselves or others they can be held against their will. Your wife's alcohol consumption levels would probably qualify as such. I would contact local authorities to see what options you have at this point because it does seem that your wife will drink herself to death otherwise.

tabasco

I think you should make sure that there is enough alcohol for her to drink safely at home and that she is allowed to drink in the open. Can you get her to agree to drink at a safer level with you over Christmas.

felixthecatuk

Thanks M - I've been attending carers counselling for a few years, and I think I'm now strong enough to have to deal with the situation, so my focus isn't really me, it's her and what we can do to give her a chance. Many thanks for getting in touch.

Susan80

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear that you both are having such a terrible time at the moment. Your wife is vert lucky to have such a supportive partner. Having tried the priory,are there not private psychiatric homes that could accommodate your wife while she goes through this particularly difficult time? Perhaps you could contact them and explain that she is an addict and whether or not they offer the help that she needs? I hope you find the help and support you need. Please feel free to drop me a mail should you ever need a chat. Susan x

Sasha4

In terms of family and support, are you dealing with this on your own?

Does she have family who are trying to help?

I am really thinking of this in terms of you. Its a lot to deal with on your own. I think that maybe if others were involved and made it clear that her behaviour is not acceptable, not fair and downright dangerous then the burden would also be easier to bear.

You cannot o this on your own.

There is a part of me, and maybe this sounds cruel, that does think that she is an adult and if she wants to run away to London and drink herself stupid and engage in risky behaviour then you have to let her.

You cannot keep rescuing her.
You have to save yourself.

At the end of the day, you are her husband. Not that she seems very deserving of a lovely supportive husband at the moment.

You are not her addiction counsellor, rescue service, drunken taxi service, psychiatrist, nurse maid or therapist.

Perhaps when she is thrown out of rehab, you have to draw some up rules about drinking.

If she cannot follow them, then I would not be picking her up or rescuing her from anywhere.

You deserve a lot better than this.

I would check out family and friends as they have a wealth of advice in these situations and fully understand all the heartache involved.

I'm in the UK. You can message me whenever you want.

Take lots of care....mostly of you xxxx