dragon12

I was doing so well.....12 days sober and so very proud of myself. Then on Day 12 I had 2 glasses of wine. I was so disappointed with myself, but it was just a matter of dusting myself off and starting again. But last night my addiction took over and another two drinks turned into 2 bottles!

I'm so mad at myself!! I woke up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding and this morning a nasty hangover. I wasn't going to post on here again until I'd reached a few days sober, but feeling so depressed this morning.
I'm just reading all of your posts again.

Pondlady

dragon, It's good you posted.....kind of helps you be accountable, I think.

Dee74

Try and not beat yourself up too much
You learned how powerful and insidious this thing is.

It's probably a sign that you need to be doing a bit more for your recovery tho - do you have any ideas?

D

dragon12

Thanks Dee and Pondlady. I need to at least try AA.....i haven't mustered the courage yet.

Pondlady

I know how it feels to be angry and disappointed with yourself......you won't be feeling that way tomorrow

AnotherPaul

I highly recommend AA meetings. Even if all the god stuff doesn't agree with you, there is a lot to be learned from talking with people who've been where you are and have pulled themselves out of it.

And just as an FYI, it really doesn't take too much courage to go to a meeting. I thought it did too, turned the car around twice in fact, but it was surprisingly easy. Most meetings are pretty big, so if you want to just blend in, you should be able to. If they ask if anyone is at their first ever AA meeting, you probably should raise your hand and tell everyone your name. That's all. The reason is that they'll likely pass around a phone list and many of the members of your gender will write down their phone numbers in case you ever need to talk. And hang around for a bit after the meeting. You'll probably get some encouragement from other members who've been exactly where you are right now. And before you know it, in just an hour or two, you've got the beginnings of a support network.

Best of luck to you.

raja12

Hey I know exactly how you feel. I relapsed last time after only 12 days. But I'm back on track,1 week 2day. And you can too. I was terrified my first aa meeting. Someone gave me the big book. I just sat and listened. Some meetings I like, others I don't. You could just try a few, and if you don't like,then find another recovery method. I'm open to all avenues that may help me. Not everyone is the same,so what works for 1 may not another. The important thing is that you keep on trying. Feel better.

phoebe64

Oh Dragon12, if we were near one another, I would go to a meeting with you in a minute! I worry about going and seeing people from town, but think about going.

Glad you posted. I had been missing you.

I hope you feel better. get some rest, drink some water and start anew with your sobriety.

You have helped my by posting. I feel tempted tonight, and you remind me it is never just a couple of anything alcoholic.

Thank you for posting and being honest, and I hope you can get back on track.

Sazzle

Sorry to hear that you relapsed but good on you for posting sooner than you thought you would. I remember the pounding heart after wine. No other alcohol did that to me but wine, my drink of choice, would make my heart leap out my chest.

You can do it. And as for AA, it want as scary as I thought. You can pass on any of the book readings and simply say 'my name is x and I'm here to listen'

I'm thinking of you and sending virtual hugs

S x

dragon12

Just reading your replies and they have brought tears to my eyes. thank you so much for your support. You all got me through the first 12 days sober and I know I can do it again.

Xune

Dragon12, learn from this relapse. Ask yourself why it was you chose to have that first glass of wine?

Answer that question and you may prevent yourself from ever having a first drink again.

Sapling

I was scared going to my first meeting....As soon as I walked through those doors I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. 17 sober months later...It's like walking into a room full of friends.

Itchy

Get a friend to go with you. But go. AA is not necessarily for everyone, but IMO it is the best place to start. I joined AA, and just being able to talk without covering up exactly what I was and had done, with others that accepted me for what I will be, not what I had been, was simply amazing.

Stay strong - it gets much better as you go. The only way I have found in life not to be vulnerable is to hide in a bottle. Being vulnerable gets easier. And then becomes being open. There is a difference.

Serenity is just no fun until we are serene enough to enjoy it.

ACT10Npack

Even though you relapse, at least you stop at the second glasses of wine. I don't know if you go on benders or a heavy night of drinking but you didn't go crazy with alcohol and it could have gotten really bad. Don't think too much about it and keep moving on with you're sober lifestyle.

dragon12

Thanks ACTION. Yes the first time around I stopped after two glasses wine and then the nagging in the back of my mind started up again telling me that I can drink moderately. The second time around I did't stop at two glasses and I drank almost 2 bottles!! I really feel like I've let everyone down not just me. Anyway, what is done is done and I've now got to start all over again.

Xune, yes I know what triggered me to drink those first two glasses and I shall certainly try to learn next time around!

TTBABP

Its true dragon - what is done is done and the only thing left to do is move passed it and forward. Keep posting. Come on back to the Class of December, too!!!

upandup

I was shaking in the car on the way to my first meeting. They greeted me with open arms, hearts and minds. I lied about my name. Didn't matter. It took me 90 days to get my one month chip. Doesn't matter. Everyone in those meetings all had a first meeting themselves and are there to support all newcomers - that is part of the responsibility statement. Anyone wish to chime in? I don't know it verbatim myself yet

upandup

I was shaking in the car on the way to my first meeting. They greeted me with open arms, hearts and minds. I lied about my name. Didn't matter. It took me 90 days to get my one month chip. Doesn't matter. Everyone in those meetings all had a first meeting themselves and are there to support all newcomers - that is part of the responsibility statement. Anyone wish to chime in? I don't know it verbatim myself yet

dragon12

Thanks upandup. I did actually attempt go to a meeting last week, parked my car outside the hall and then sat there and convinced myself that I'm not such a bad drunk as to need to go to AA! Lols!!!!!! Amazing how the mind plays tricks. I know that I need more help than SR and attempting sobriety on my own. I think my biggest problem with going to AA is that I am ashamed to admit the extent of my problem. I keep it pretty well hidden from everyone but my husband.

upandup

Yep, we sometimes take a few times to actually get our foot in the door. There was someone who'd came to a meeting a few weeks after my first who had quit drinking a couple of years ago. But that person came.