hypochondriac

Okay, I don't get this thought often but when I do it annoys me because I don't know where it comes from or what to do to tackle it.

Sometimes when other people are drinking/talking about it/posting drinks on facebook, I get this little pang that asks 'why can they drink when I can't?'.

The majority of the time I am perfectly happy sober and this thought throws me off guard a bit. I know what drinking did to me and I never want to go back there again. But I think I was so good at deceiving even myself about the level of my drinking problem that I sometimes think it wasn't so bad and resent people who are able to drink, especially people who had worse problems than me like drunk driving charges. I feel thoroughly evil for saying that but that's what goes through my head

Anyone have any thoughts or tools for tackling this specific thought?

Sapling

If I get squirrelly like that I hit a meeting. It keeps me grounded and reminds me why I'm there.

Jeni26

Hi Hypo xx

It's not fair is it??
I had a stressful week at work, undoubtably the most difficult since I've been sober when we had a Government inspection at our school. On one day I was interviewed 3 times by the inspection panel and on the other my lesson was observed by important people with clipboards....heightened state of adrenaline, virtually no sleep etc etc.
Anyway, our school did outstandingly well. On Thursday everyone went out for celebratory drinks with free champagne from the governors. I came home and sat with much the same thoughts as you. I would have loved to be amongst them.
But do you know what, those feelings didnt last.
Being an alcoholic is a part of me, I've just learned to accept it. It is who I am. I'm different.
Different is ok.
I'm still part of that team who did a brilliant job this week. And I'm proud of getting through it sober and clear headed.

We're doing really well you know.
Feeling sorry for yourself is ok in small doses, but never forget to be really really proud of yourself too xxx

Dee74

Whenever I got like that, I'd go back to Allen Carr Hypo -

what is it I expect alcohol to do for me?

based on my history is that a reasonable expectation?

are there healthier more life affirming ways I can find what I'm looking for - be it social interaction, stress release, or whatever...

I found eventually I really liked the sober life, and the sober me I'd worked on...I was at peace, I was content...and I didn't miss alcohol or resent anyone anything anymore.

I think you'll get there too Hypo

D

Caledonia1

Hey there Hypo

I don't use FB at the weekends any longer as it used to make me feel like that too. I tend to dismiss that thought of *poor me* as quick as I can because lingering on the thought can be painful.

Now I feel strong enough to go out in company when they're all drinking and actually feel like part of the crowd, relaxed, chatty and not sitting tapping my fingers thinking *this ain't fair*

AA really helps me with my thinking too.

You're not alone.
x

Hevyn

This was a huge problem for me early on. Even for maybe the first year, I'd be resentful when we went on vacation or during the holidays. I didn't know where those thoughts came from either, because like you I'm mostly very content with the new life I lead.

I'm not sure where those feelings went, but they seem to have left me for good. I hope that'll happen for you, too, hypo. This is an interesting topic, glad you posted about your feelings.

Valll

The grass always seems greener on the other side dear hypo...

As long as you know what is good for you, whatever anyone else does wont be an issue and will become normal to you.

Merry Christmas and all the very best for 2013 x

hypochondriac

The feelings don't last too long with me either Jeni. Often after a stressful day when everyone else is rushing off to the pub I think 'I'm glad I don't have to drink on top of that!'. I am chuffed to get through stuff sober. I think what annoys me about this thought, fleeting though it might be, is that I hate what drinking did to me and don't want to admit to actually liking the stuff!

Well done on getting through that inspection Jeni! x

And yup Sapling. I actually haven't made it to a meeting in nearly 2 weeks now because of Xmas stuff. It has annoyed me immensely and I definitely feel ungrounded. I have a full weekend again and it is all I can do to get through it. Maybe I'll try and find another meeting in my spare time on Monday x

Thanks Dee. I expect alcohol to get me drunk! And that is gonna somehow make some of my existence more bearable. Which is stupid because all that stuff I hate about myself is pretty much caused by alcohol. The only reason I find things hard to cope with is because I've been using a bad coping mechanism for years. Sober life is so much better x

DuhDave

Be careful Hypo...be vewy vewy careful. I threw away a perfectly good 14 years of sobriety thinking the same thing you are thinking...Why not me? Why cant I drink like others and enjoy it. Why ???...I know now because...I'am "wired" differently...I'am Alcoholic. Simple as that. I cant.

This "Pity Pot" line of thinking moves ahead (remember..."progressive illness") into the 4 fatal words that an alcoholic can think (then begin to believe)...then utter to themselves or others..."I-Can-Handle-It". Those are the "Fatal four" May they never cross your lips or your mind!

We CANNOT handle it! We're alcoholic.

Yes...I thought I could. I was wrong of course. It cost me 14 years of my life.

Hope this helps.

Duh (might be time to revisit "Acceptance") Dave

hypochondriac

You're right Dave, dangerous thoughts. I am glad I posted this here cos sometimes I am embarrassed by these thoughts and keep them to myself, but I think that makes them more powerful in a way. It always helps to air bad thinking patterns.

I should avoid FB too Cale, far too many people posting casual drinking stories. I have no idea why everyone finds them so hilariously funny. Too close to the bone for me. Even really tragic and dangerous things people seem to treat very casually.

And thank you Hevyn and Valll x

pattyj

I think another question you have to ask is 'how many of those people have drinking problems themselves?' They seem to spend a lot of time posting about drinking, talking about drinking, planning the next drink. Obviously it's a big deal to them.

How much better do you feel without drinking and how much more stuff do you get done without drinking?

Can people really drink and not have a problem with alcohol? How much alcohol can one person drink and not be an alcoholic? I'm not talking about the scientific evidence and stuff. Can a person actually drink one true glass of alcohol a couple of days a week? And are they not craving another drink and not thinking about the next time they are going to have a glass? Maybe not obsessively. We have all probably been around people with alcohol problems and people without alcohol problems. But those who seem to not have a problem, do they really not have one? Getting drunk or tipsy off a glass or two seems like an issue to me.

hypochondriac

Bloody good point Patty! I think even people who drink very moderately can have a problem with alcohol. Life is so much simpler without it. It's just one less think to think/worry about x

Xune

Yes, the majority of the human race doesn't have a problem with alcohol, yet consumes alcohol occasionally.

I don't believe there is any problem what-so-ever if someone who doesn't have a problem with alcohol feels the effects.

Alcohol is a problem for addicts and problem drinkers...the minority.

pattyj

How do we know that the majority of the human race does not have a problem with alcohol? Alcoholics can hide it pretty well, or at least we think we can, and I definitely was not paying attention to other people and their drinking. Being sober has let me see that there are other people who don't drink out there. But there are still a ton of people that do... and how do we know, for a fact, that they don't have a problem? Does a person who drinks a little too much every now and again not have a problem? Trying cigarettes one time does not make you a smoker but smoking on a regular basis does; are you not addicted to cigarettes then? Drinking alcohol weekly or monthly, moderate or not, doesn't that make you a drinker? Therefore, aren't you addicted?

Xune

No, there is a clear, scientifically grounded definition of addiction.

'Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (gambling) that can be pleasurable but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work or relationships, even health. Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others.'

Addiction | Psychology Today

pattyj

Xune - That definition makes complete sense to me but it still make me wonder.

Is a hangover included in interfering with ordinary life responsibilities? Does having the booze flu and missing work once or twice count? Or what about a blackout or two harming your health?
I think what I am trying to say is I feel that more people have a problem with drinking then we may realize. Maybe not addiction or alcoholism but possibly a problem.

ProblemDrinker

When you think like that immediately flip the notion on its head and see it the way drinkers see non-drinkers..

'what can't I abstain like him/her'.

Drinkers may not think it during the night but the following morning / at the A&E / at the bank / after a failed marriage / after a mystery injury etc etc. then it may be a different story...

My advice? NEVER question the best decision you have made in your life, under any circumstances.

2granddaughters

Nothing gets me out of me better/faster than helping the newcomer.

I have lots of evil things go through my head at different points in the day, it's what I do with them that counts.

In my first year if sobriety there was an oldtimer who was celebrating 35 yrs.. I said to him that it must be great to have all that peace, calm and serenity. He shook my hand firmly, smiled and said "If you knew the thoughts that went through my head it would scare you".

Take care. All the best.

Bob R

sugarbear1

Help another suffering alcoholic when you are stuck......

hypochondriac

I would love to be more helpful to newcomers but unfortunately due to work I am not available to help out at the recovery place I go to and I can't be much use to anyone at AA til I have done the steps I guess. Just being there helps get me out of my own head though. I am going to look into volunteer work again in the new year.

And Patty, I love the way you think about this, it is very similar to how I think/feel. Addiction isn't a thing that happens, it is a sliding scale. Some people are just further down it than others. Some people don't drink much at all but still have bad thinking patterns and ascribe benefits to it which it simply doesn't have. I worry about how that is perceived by peoples kids. My parents drinking effected me. I'm sure even if someone isn't an alcoholic but believes it is good for stress then they will teach that thought to their children. And it further adds to my original problem, and makes people feel sorry for me if I am not/can't drink.

Thank's for your replies everyone x