free2luv26

Something clicked in me this morning that told me I have to be fully committed to my recovery if i am going to stay clean. Ive been clean before but I didnt attend meetings or follow the steps. I relapsed a week ago and its really affecting me. When I did it I knew it was wrong but I kept telling myself "Ive been doing well and I havent used so this one time will be fine." I literally talked myself into using. Even tho I knew it was wrong. So, this past week I dreamt that I was using. @ drams of using in one week. Last night I had the 2nd dream and I woke up scared and physically weak from it. I felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. After I calmed down my first words were, "I need a meeting." It was quite clear to me at that time that I am powerless over my addiction. I cant just do it one time. I cant reward myself with it. I felt it was a reward because I hadn't used! I need to find other things to reward myself with. So, tonight at the meeting, I spoke up for the 1st time ever. I was nervous, my hands were shaking and I was scared to death! But I did it! I opened up and I now have people that I can talk to. Even tho Ive been clean for 6 days, I received a 24 hour chip....my very 1st chip. I think Ive found my reward=) I am strong, I am committed
I am powerless over my addiction

PaperDolls

Awesome post free2luv26. It made me smile.

I've had very few drinking dreams and was lucky enough not to have them effect me too much but I hear some people say they really freaked them out. Just know that it's pretty common and you can get through anything without using.

Congrats on 6 days!

Anna

It's really good to hear that you are strong and committed.

awuh1

Sounds like a good start f2l26. Way 2 go!

artsoul

Very cool that you got a chip and spoke out at the meeting - it's not an easy thing to do the first time. You should feel really good about that!

Congrats for recommitting to sobriety, too.

sugarbear1

honesty opens the doors to a new power.....

jennikate

Awesome! You sound like you are on the right track. Keep plugging along.

Sapling

What a great post...I shook like a leaf the first time I spoke too. Good for you...It gets easier....Like they say...It works if you work it!...Find a sponsor and get busy!!...and keep coming back!

coraltint

congrats! you will feel more a part of the group every time you go, and can get great support & friendships there. we all know how it goes fighting off our DOC alone....

Threshold

Most mornings I wake up and say my Third Step prayer (NA) but this is one that I realize, day after day, is JUST as important to my recovery.

Relapse humbled me, and this is all about true humility.

“Dear God, please help set aside anything I think I know
about myself, about my disease, about the Big Book, the
12 Steps, the Program, the Fellowship, the people in the
fellowship, and all spiritual terms, especially you God; so
that I may have an open mind and a new experience with
all these things. Please help me see the Truth. Amen.”

Or, for those who are not AA/12 step or don't use the term God.


Set Aside Prayer

Today I set aside

everything I think I know

about myself,others, addiction,

recovery, and the future;

for an open mind

and a new experience

with myself, others,

my recovery, and the future.

freshstart57

All of us have had those dreams, they are free experiences in my book. Congratulations on your decision to choose sobriety.

2granddaughters

Great !! Having a trusted sponsor and oldtimers to follow is priceless. The dreams will fade as time goes by.

i sat next to a fellow last Tuesday evening who was celebrating 33 yrs. If you want to know how to be sober/clean/sane/serene just as him..... he just did it and was happy to tell his experiences.

All the best.

Bob R