How do you know if you just need to cut back or stop altogether?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 79
How do you know if you just need to cut back or stop altogether?
Hi there,
I am a brand newbie looking for help. I have to say this is the most help I have found so far online.
I am 32 and have been drinking since I was 17. Mostly just heavily on the weekends. In the last 4 years I have started drinking approx 5 nights a week. Midweek around 3 glasses of wine, weekends probably a bottle. Wine helps me cope. We have 4 young children and our own business. I suffer from anxiety and get stressed easily and just find that a couple of glasses of wine just helps relax me. Lately I can't stop at 2 though and have to have a third and am worried this will just get worse.
About 2 years ago I stopped drinking during the week and only on weekends but this was before we had our 4th child and started our own business and I ended up back to where I am now. I don't know if I need to get professional help or if help from people here will help. Do I need to stop all together
Thank you for taking the time to help
X
I am a brand newbie looking for help. I have to say this is the most help I have found so far online.
I am 32 and have been drinking since I was 17. Mostly just heavily on the weekends. In the last 4 years I have started drinking approx 5 nights a week. Midweek around 3 glasses of wine, weekends probably a bottle. Wine helps me cope. We have 4 young children and our own business. I suffer from anxiety and get stressed easily and just find that a couple of glasses of wine just helps relax me. Lately I can't stop at 2 though and have to have a third and am worried this will just get worse.
About 2 years ago I stopped drinking during the week and only on weekends but this was before we had our 4th child and started our own business and I ended up back to where I am now. I don't know if I need to get professional help or if help from people here will help. Do I need to stop all together
Thank you for taking the time to help
X
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Michelle - welcome
I'll be straight with you...Most of us here have tried cutting back and found that we couldn't.
For most of us abstinence is the definitely the way forward.
If you're tried to cut back, but keep finding yourself back at the same point in your drinking, I think you need to look at that, honestly.
It might be that cutting back isn't viable for you either?
D
I'll be straight with you...Most of us here have tried cutting back and found that we couldn't.
For most of us abstinence is the definitely the way forward.
If you're tried to cut back, but keep finding yourself back at the same point in your drinking, I think you need to look at that, honestly.
It might be that cutting back isn't viable for you either?
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome michelle!
You're very wise to be asking yourself these questions. I was in my early thirties, too (with small children), when my drinking became a way to cope (also a way to sleep, entertain myself, etc.). I was drinking 3-5 per most nights as well.
We often don't know we have a problem until we try to cut down or stop. That was the case for me.... my drinking seemed to just increase over time even as I tried harder and harder to control it. Alcohol creates depression and anxiety which, in turn, just perpetuates the cycle.
I'm glad you're here.... most of us need help/support to stop. Alcohol addiction can affect anyone and there's no shame in reaching out for help.:ghug3
You're very wise to be asking yourself these questions. I was in my early thirties, too (with small children), when my drinking became a way to cope (also a way to sleep, entertain myself, etc.). I was drinking 3-5 per most nights as well.
We often don't know we have a problem until we try to cut down or stop. That was the case for me.... my drinking seemed to just increase over time even as I tried harder and harder to control it. Alcohol creates depression and anxiety which, in turn, just perpetuates the cycle.
I'm glad you're here.... most of us need help/support to stop. Alcohol addiction can affect anyone and there's no shame in reaching out for help.:ghug3
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome michelle! You've found a wonderful place - glad you joined us.
It's a concern that you can't stop at a couple when you've intended to. That's one of the signs of trouble ahead. Keep reading and posting - I know you'll find some answers and a lot of help.
It's a concern that you can't stop at a couple when you've intended to. That's one of the signs of trouble ahead. Keep reading and posting - I know you'll find some answers and a lot of help.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Even if it was possible for me to cut back.
I would be able to stand it. It would be a terrible existance, I would be worring about how much I had, or could have , or did have , or when I can have...
I whole thought process would involve the next drink..
Oh wait I already lived like that for decades.,, No thanks I like just being free.
I would be able to stand it. It would be a terrible existance, I would be worring about how much I had, or could have , or did have , or when I can have...
I whole thought process would involve the next drink..
Oh wait I already lived like that for decades.,, No thanks I like just being free.
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
I started off drinking like you (quantity was)...trying to relax and stave off after-work anxiety.
Your need/tolerance will go up. I'm pretty sure you'll start drinking more in quantity and frequency. It sneaks up on you. By the time I realized I had an issue it was three to four times a week -- two bottles of wine (at least) each time. It did not start off like this. Try quitting drinking entirely for a few months. If it is hard, dependency has set in.
Best to you.
Your need/tolerance will go up. I'm pretty sure you'll start drinking more in quantity and frequency. It sneaks up on you. By the time I realized I had an issue it was three to four times a week -- two bottles of wine (at least) each time. It did not start off like this. Try quitting drinking entirely for a few months. If it is hard, dependency has set in.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Panama City, Panama
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by michelleb1 
Just the thought of giving up totally is daunting, it's like ending a close relationship...there's a lot to be said just there. 
Keep reading and researching ...
We are all here for you!
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 536
One thing I noticed since I stopped drinking is I don't get as stressed, but that is a good question. What do people do about stress?
Also, I think I drank about as much as you do. I found out I definitely was addicted when I stopped drinking. I had strong cravings. I don't think cutting down would have worked for me.
Also, I think I drank about as much as you do. I found out I definitely was addicted when I stopped drinking. I had strong cravings. I don't think cutting down would have worked for me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 706
Hiya Michelle...
For me, cutting back was a total bummer compared to just stopping altogether. Soooo much more stress in cutting back (probably because it never worked for too long, then the guilt, and hangovers, and trouble, etc....)
Cutting back was EXHAUSTING!
Good luck to you, M!
Zube
For me, cutting back was a total bummer compared to just stopping altogether. Soooo much more stress in cutting back (probably because it never worked for too long, then the guilt, and hangovers, and trouble, etc....)
Cutting back was EXHAUSTING!
Good luck to you, M!
Zube
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Welcome Michelle! You sound like most of us. We wish we could just be "normal" drinkers and control it, but most of us can't and as it's a progressive addiction the consequences get bigger along with the need. It's a bummer.
Good news is you may find it easier to stop entirely than to try to bargain with yourself "I'll just have a couple on weekends, or special occasions, or if I'm really stressed..." which often turns into your self not keeping the bargain in my experience. I found the stress and anxiety went way down when I stopped. I guess the drinking was making me more stressed not less stressed.
I didn't find it fun to have just 2 drinks-what's the point? I drank to get the high. 2 was just a tease and very unsatisfying. I am still overwhelmed with the idea of forever and I'm just about 5 months sober. I told myself "not today, maybe tomorrow". It gave me a choice and didn't seem so final. I haven't slipped up, and rely heavily on SR for inspiration. You can do this!!
Good news is you may find it easier to stop entirely than to try to bargain with yourself "I'll just have a couple on weekends, or special occasions, or if I'm really stressed..." which often turns into your self not keeping the bargain in my experience. I found the stress and anxiety went way down when I stopped. I guess the drinking was making me more stressed not less stressed.
I didn't find it fun to have just 2 drinks-what's the point? I drank to get the high. 2 was just a tease and very unsatisfying. I am still overwhelmed with the idea of forever and I'm just about 5 months sober. I told myself "not today, maybe tomorrow". It gave me a choice and didn't seem so final. I haven't slipped up, and rely heavily on SR for inspiration. You can do this!!
Learning to LIve
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NSW Australia
Posts: 908
Michelle
I also have a young family ( 8 and 11) and I work full-time. I am married, my husband is a loving father who was my drinking partner. My drinking progressively got heavier and heavier. I drank to relax, I drank to sleep, I drank to celebrate success and get rid of stress.
I am 42 and was drinking every night and most weekends mostly cask wine and champagne.
I tried to cut down ... I tried low alcohol wine (to make sure I could still provide the family taxi service).. all this meant was I drank late at night when everybody went to sleep .... I was always tired and grumpy the next morning and STRESSED.
It has taken me nearly 12 months to get to the point of being 4 months sober. It hasnt been easy but the more sober time the less STRESSED I am at home and work. I actually have reasonable looking fingernails for the first time in my adult memory
To deal with the stress of being a working mum (without alcohol) I had to start finding time to do some sort of regular exercise ... setting small goals and working towards them. Walking each morning and afternoon was my first outlet ... then I upped the anti abit and got involved in more physical activity .. till I got injured (which set me back a bit)... but I am looking forward to working these goals again in the near future...
I also found I was hungry all the time due to the reduced sugar in my diet ..... I ate what ever I wanted in the early phases of recovery .... I still lost weight ... I never had a sweet tooth when I drank .. I do have now
Christmas is looming for me as my family drinks ... socially and professionally my sobriety will continue to be challenged continually...
I did the AVRT crash course , stick close to SR forums during the day and during my usual drinking times live on SR chat when feasible.
The idea of giving up for ever is daunting .... like losing a best friend ...
So Just for today ... when I go home I turn on the kettle and don't make a bee-line for the fridge because I know there is my husbands alcohol in there that I use to share with him. I have a quick check in on SR chat and then I open the fridge and have a cool juice, followed by a slurp of one of my numerous cups of herbal tea. Then I commence Mums Taxi service and my day continues .... sober
Cheers
Jodie
I also have a young family ( 8 and 11) and I work full-time. I am married, my husband is a loving father who was my drinking partner. My drinking progressively got heavier and heavier. I drank to relax, I drank to sleep, I drank to celebrate success and get rid of stress.
I am 42 and was drinking every night and most weekends mostly cask wine and champagne.
I tried to cut down ... I tried low alcohol wine (to make sure I could still provide the family taxi service).. all this meant was I drank late at night when everybody went to sleep .... I was always tired and grumpy the next morning and STRESSED.
It has taken me nearly 12 months to get to the point of being 4 months sober. It hasnt been easy but the more sober time the less STRESSED I am at home and work. I actually have reasonable looking fingernails for the first time in my adult memory
To deal with the stress of being a working mum (without alcohol) I had to start finding time to do some sort of regular exercise ... setting small goals and working towards them. Walking each morning and afternoon was my first outlet ... then I upped the anti abit and got involved in more physical activity .. till I got injured (which set me back a bit)... but I am looking forward to working these goals again in the near future...
I also found I was hungry all the time due to the reduced sugar in my diet ..... I ate what ever I wanted in the early phases of recovery .... I still lost weight ... I never had a sweet tooth when I drank .. I do have now
Christmas is looming for me as my family drinks ... socially and professionally my sobriety will continue to be challenged continually...
I did the AVRT crash course , stick close to SR forums during the day and during my usual drinking times live on SR chat when feasible.
The idea of giving up for ever is daunting .... like losing a best friend ...
So Just for today ... when I go home I turn on the kettle and don't make a bee-line for the fridge because I know there is my husbands alcohol in there that I use to share with him. I have a quick check in on SR chat and then I open the fridge and have a cool juice, followed by a slurp of one of my numerous cups of herbal tea. Then I commence Mums Taxi service and my day continues .... sober
Cheers
Jodie
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