Delilah1

Welcome Michelle!

I had to end my relationship with wine for good after many failed attempts to moderate. I am a mom of three and my girls love Taylor Swift and I think that her song "We are Never Getting Back Together" is perfect for this break up.

The first few days are hard, but each one gets easier. I have found exercise has been my biggest stress relief, and SR has been my biggest support.

Spend some time reading and posting you will find lots of support and great advice on here!!!

SAD3

cutting back is a start....go from there.....whats the harm in drinking less?

GWH

I tell ya what I found, after years and years of trying to moderate, telling myself that I will only drink Tuesdays and I will stick to no more than a case of beer per week, so on and so on: the mere fact that I had to even make those promises to myself meant that I had an issue and needed to stop entirely. My wife has a drink on the rare occasion that she feels like it, and when she doesn't feel like it she doesn't think about it. See, non-alcoholics aren't consumed by the thought of how much they drink.

I'm no expert, I'm only on day 5 (welcome to the December class), but I am now able to see the box I am trapped in, like you may be...and there is some freedom in recognizing my enslavement, if that makes sense.

yoli

I had stopped drinking for 3 months and was feeling fantastic. So I thought, "I'm going to treat myself to ONE margarita on my birthday". Nothing bad happened….. So I thought, just on Friday after work. Then I wound up drinking more than I ever did. My one margarita experiment failed miserably. It has been harder to stop the second time. I've stopped just now and will look at the past as practice getting here.

GWH

I did the same thing...over and over. Stopped drinking. Lost weight, felt good, looked good. Started drinking a 6 pack once or twice a week. Maaaan I would get back that old taste for the stuff and be up to 10-12 in no time. Now fast forward to today and my body is unmistakably telling me to cut it out.

Give it a try, who knows? But keep an eye on the progression. It ALWAYS takes a mile whenever I gave it an inch. Sounds like others, too.

michelleb1

[QUOTE=GWH;3716042] My wife has a drink on the rare occasion that she feels like it, and when she doesn't feel like it she doesn't think about it. See, non-alcoholics aren't consumed by the thought of how much they drink.

So true!!!

Junebugapril

Michelle, I wasn't a gym junkie (wish I was!!) but I didn't get hangovers either. I think my body was used to drinking. I have made it 26 days now without my beloved wine. Just coming here to sober recovery has helped a lot. I know AA helps some people but it hasn't quite clicked with me. I didn't feel like I had hit rock bottom, and I didn't feel like a hopeless case. I just knew in my heart I had a drinking problem. It took awhile for me to admit it to myself. I get the feeling you know you have a drinking problem, too, and want to do something about it.

Glad you are here,
JunebugApril

NevarCiots

Bless you and your 4 kiddos! I am the type that wish they had kids because "it would all be different" I am a single man dealing with alcoholism.

Family is important. Children see ALL what us adults do. Whatever struggle
s you go through just take responsibility for you, and your family life.

It may not be easy, but look to a higher power. Mine is bike riding lol.

michelleb1

Thanks Junebugapril, I know I do too and like you haven't hit rock bottom. I was thinking of waiting until the new year. We are about to hit Xmas and have lots of parties to go too but my life starts now!

This is kind of ridiculous but I have been stressing about stopping drinking straight away because of my well meaning but very pressuring friends, that I wouldn't be strong enough to say no. So I've decided to stop drinking right now and any parties I have over the next few weeks fill a bottle of wine with non alcoholic wine just so I can get through the hard first few weeks without the pressure! Crazy???

michelleb1

Good point NevarCiots and I have witnessed it (and still do) my entire life. Your life is just as important even without children

Sazzle

Welcome to SR Michelle. This didn't work for me. I tried moderation for 18 months. I resented 2 drinks. They were neither here not there. It's much less of a brain ache having none.

I wish you all the best but the answer lies in your original post. You tried cutting down before and you ended up posting on a sober recovery website.

S x

GWH

And let me be honest with you nevarciots, and believe me when I tell you that it is painful for me to do so...it won't necessarily all be different with kids. I gave myself a firm stop-drinking deadline when my wife got pregnant. I would be a sober dad. Well, my boy is now 6 and I am on day 5 of sobriety.

The addiction will be our master above even our own children, if we allow it.

ebshot

This was very true for myself. I am a SAHM with three children. I drank from morning till night; while my children were at school and when they were home, when we were home or when we were out and about. It just didn't matter. I tried cutting back a few times and it didn't work. I ended up on binge drinking and then continuing my cycle until it ended with an epic 5 or 6 day bender. Don't let it get that bad. If you think you have a problem with alcohol then you probably do and think about your young children. I didn't realize how much my drinking effected my children until after I was sober. Four months later and I am still learning exactly how hard it was on them and it is heartbreaking.

Good luck with your decision (which it sounds like you have made) and welcome to SR!

MIRecovery

I understand quiting forever is a very, very scarey thought. It was a thought I could not deal with and was counter productive in my recovery. My first goal was believing I just could never drink like a normal person because 20 years of trying had yielded only negative results.

Once I internalized that I was not a normal drinker I decided I could stay sober a day at a time. After being sober for about 2.5 years I started to believe that this day at a time was working and I started to believe this could be a forever thing.

It is just a mind trick but I do what I have to do so that I stay sober today. Tomorrow has not come and yesterday has passed. All I have to worry about is not taking that first drink today and it has worked pretty darn good.

FreeFall

Michelle, I think it's great you're going to try to stop now rather than waiting. There is always another occasion to put it off. It will be nice for you to remember the holiday season clear headed and able to fully participate with no regrets over your drinking. Good plan re the non alcoholic wine too.

desertsong

Hi Michelle,

I didn't read the whole thread so forgive me if I'm being redundant ....

I was never satisfied when I tried to moderate. If anything, having "just 2 or 3" made me feel worse than not drinking at all because those 2 or 3 made me crave 10-12 or more, and then oblivion. Torture! I only recently discovered that not taking that FIRST drink is WAY less stressful than having 1-3 and then trying to stop.

Junebugapril

I needed to hear everything each of you are saying. This is very helpful to me; I have been thinking lately that maybe I can have one or two here or there. That maybe I am not really addicted because I was only drinking a bottle of wine a night, not usually more. Your comments are convincing me that I really cannot drink at all if I don't want to end up completely hopeless. It didn't progress to that point for me. I am hoping I can learn from you all and avoid hitting rock bottom.

Thanks for starting this thread, Michelle.

Sungrl

A big hint for me was not how much or how often I drank, It was who I became. I would not have a good time. My stress revealed itself in a bad way. I become argumentative and mean spirited. My boyfriend described as if a switch had flipped. I did not want to be that person. I would wake up the next day feeling remorse and not remembering 100 % of the night. That scared the heck out of me. That is not who I am. That was my reason to stop all together. Something to consider.

michelleb1

Dessertsong I've come to that conclusion. I'm just being totally honest with myself (with the help of everyone here). I know what my trigger point is and it's about the time I start cooking dinner and everyones at me. That is really sad that this is my trigger point because this should be the happiest time in the day, we are all home together. If I can get through dinner without grabbing the bottle then I've made it for the night. I'm very lucky my husband is going to support me through this and not drink in front of me (for now anyway). And everyones right, I'm more important than my friends so if I miss out on a few social gatherings until I'm stong enough then so be it.

I'm convinced I have a problem because since decided to go sober it's all I can think about...it's consuming my every thought.

I'm looking at it like MIrecovery...one day at a time. Just get through today. I'm looking forward to the self respect that is going to come with that

I can't thank you all enough for your support.

michelleb1

Junebugapril - I'm learning it's not about the amount you consume but the control is has of your life! Good luck with your decision. X