773niki

Hello fellow SR friends -
I am reeling dealing with this life event that's happening and I would really appreciate any guidance you may have. It's been weeks and I'm at a standstill and I really think it's hindering my ability to grow. (I'm 45 days sober, meetings everyday, finally embracing AA, praying, feeling great - alot clearer and more WILLING and ACCEPTING of my illness - I believe this time is it! Yay!)

I'll try to make this short. I have a job that really triggers me. Went to rehab 2 years ago (Aug. 2010) and stayed sober for 4 months. Then, been hiding (haha, not well) my drinking for 2 years. Vodka.

I got this job as an analyst but a very "social" analyst for a market research firm. I've always been a writer/analyst - but my comfort zone was heads down at a computer writing awesome, creative reports and I was damn good at it. Then, this job came along which required me to be much more social. Schmoozing clients...traveling ALOT...presenting LONG presentations in front of very corporate America. I used to work for fun, casual firms and this is so not me. So, I drank, alot, to take the edge off...and I can't imagine doing this job without that but staying sober is my #1 priority.

I've been on short term disability for 2 months now. My work has been threatening termination due to the hardship my absence has had on my team. They are really making me feel bad about this. My doctor wants me to get a solid 60 days before returning becasue I'm a chronic relapser. They are now saying they are in the process of recruiting someone to fill my position -- and if they fill it before I come back, then I'm terminated. Gosh, I just want them to terminate me now so I can move on!

I want to go back to school and take a break from corporate and get a job, not a career, and get a master's degree.

Bottom line though, I need an income in the meantime. I know this sounds weird - but do you think I can tell them that I think it's in BOTH OF OUR best interests if they go ahead and terminate me as I'm not ready to return and I understand that my absence is causing problems.

I just can't stay stagnant, I really don't want to go back and I know I'm taking a risk, but it feels right adn I'm having a VERY HARD TIME being decisive without alcohol in the picture. I want someone to tell me it's all going to be ok, and I know that won't happen, but it's hard.

I just need to be able to get unemployment until I find another gig - which most likely won't happen until after the holidays. Does anyone have any words of wisdom?? Thanks so much for reading.

bexxed

I'd say whatever needs to be said to get a good reference from them down the line. Is going on disability for 45 days, followed by "just terminate me" the best move? or is going on disability followed by "we had to fill the position" the best? BTW- isn't that illegal per the Family Medical Leave Act? I don't know the details of your situation with work but it seems to me that there's something shady about it. Does your work know the nature of your leave?

773niki

Bexxed - yes. I believe it's illegal too...which is why I think they want me to quit...and I won't quit because then I'm double screwed. Yes, they do know the nature of my leave...and it's a very gossipy office, so I'm sure alot more people than just HR know - but I know that's only an assumption.

It's just that they are making me feel so guilty about this. Going back will be so anxiety-ridden and I want to stay safe. I just don't know what to do. I mean, my options are wait it out for them to fill my position and just sit idly by. Be honest and tell them I think it's in both our best interests for them to let me go since I understand their predicament. I've urged them from day 1 to find a temp, they never did, and now they are saying how hard it's been...just makes me feel like crap.

artsoul

Hi niki -

When I worked for an ad agency many moons ago, I was promoted from a copywriter (the heads down thing you mentioned) to an account executive where I was supposed to fly around and smooze the CEO's to land business. I was miserable, and all I can tell you is to make this about you.....your sobriety, your life and your passion.
:ghug3:ghug3

Cwbugycody

It may be hard now, but you must do what is in the best intrest of your recovery. Me and you are real close to they same day date and I know how hard I have worked to get here . If you have worked as hard as I have , Iam sure you don't want to throw that away for a job you hate. I am not telling you to quit but you should think about your recovery first. I think you should let go of the control and let God handle it. If we live in his will , we can't go wrong. Good luck and God bless.
P.s. I'll be praying for God's will be done in your life.