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Relapse Prevention The universe- higher power, collective consciousness, God, whatever you want to call it, works in mysterious ways. I start drinking again (relapsed) the way that every last one of us does- pick up a bottle/glass. Most of us fall into a false trap of "I've worked so hard, I can do this once" or "See? I quit for _____ days/months/years. I'm not an alcoholic. I can drink moderately." That's what I've done- every time. I do moderate for awhile. Maybe a day, maybe a week. Then, there's that morning when I wake up with myself and my choices. And I do it all over again. And every night, it at least crosses my mind. "Wow, I didn't want to do this. This isn't really what I want to be doing. But I started, not gonna stop now." Today's the fourth day. By some miracle, I've gotten horribly ill with the flu- that started on day 2. I haven't had a cigarette in 2 days, haven't had a drink in 4. I've had lots of time to think about how I want my life to be- to really BE in my body and observe and experience what's happening/happened to it. I know this sounds crazy maybe, but I feel very lucky. Drinking or smoking right now, despite the fact that I am a junkie, would require serious effort that I don't have it in me to engage in. In fact, I think if I drank right now, I'd end up in the hospital. This is an epic illness. How can we remember these lessons? I really feel that I could push through these early moments- "Oh, just one, I worked so hard", etc, if I were able to keep the things I am sure of now in the forefront of my brain all the time- like a thought tattoo, if that makes sense. |
Posting here and reading others stories and re-visiting my own really helped me remember that things were actually 'that bad'... even when my head was doing somersaults to try and convince me otherwise :) D |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 3714091)
even when my head was doing somersaults to try and convince me otherwise :) D |
Mine used to be - it's retired now :c031: D |
Nice lyric Dee... let's not "Do it Again"! That's why I keep coming back here. :) |
How can we remember these lessons? Keep moving forward, you'll get there too. |
You might want to look into AVRT and urge surfing. I had never heard of either before coming to SR and I think the basic principles of those methods were the key for me. You sound like you have the same patterns I did so you might have similar luck with them. You may be dealing with some withdrawal symptoms on top of the flu, maybe that's why you're feeling so sick. You should feel better soon. |
1. Develop awareness of personal triggers and habitual reactions, and learn ways to create a pause in this seemingly automatic process through mindfulness and present awareness. 2. Change our relationship to discomfort by learning to recognize challenging emotional and physical experiences and responding to them in skillful ways. 3. Foster a nonjudgmental, compassionate approach toward ourselves and our experiences. 4. Build a lifestyle that supports both mindfulness practice and health of body and spirit. This is what I'm doing these days and not only is it working, but I like it. |
It is too bad a drug cannot be invented to stop the trigger for the need of drink. They make drugs for other diseases...
Originally Posted by bexxed
(Post 3714088)
The universe- higher power, collective consciousness, God, whatever you want to call it, works in mysterious ways. I start drinking again (relapsed) the way that every last one of us does- pick up a bottle/glass. Most of us fall into a false trap of "I've worked so hard, I can do this once" or "See? I quit for _____ days/months/years. I'm not an alcoholic. I can drink moderately." That's what I've done- every time. I do moderate for awhile. Maybe a day, maybe a week. Then, there's that morning when I wake up with myself and my choices. And I do it all over again. And every night, it at least crosses my mind. "Wow, I didn't want to do this. This isn't really what I want to be doing. But I started, not gonna stop now." Today's the fourth day. By some miracle, I've gotten horribly ill with the flu- that started on day 2. I haven't had a cigarette in 2 days, haven't had a drink in 4. I've had lots of time to think about how I want my life to be- to really BE in my body and observe and experience what's happening/happened to it. I know this sounds crazy maybe, but I feel very lucky. Drinking or smoking right now, despite the fact that I am a junkie, would require serious effort that I don't have it in me to engage in. In fact, I think if I drank right now, I'd end up in the hospital. This is an epic illness. How can we remember these lessons? I really feel that I could push through these early moments- "Oh, just one, I worked so hard", etc, if I were able to keep the things I am sure of now in the forefront of my brain all the time- like a thought tattoo, if that makes sense. |
AVRT really helped me seperate them thoughts of thinking i can drink again normally because a part of my brain does not remeber pain that alcohol has put me through.... |
I fall into that category of folks that are, as the Big Book says " unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago." I would always get a few days past my last drink and then suddenly things didnt seem all that bad. "I just got a little out of control. This time will be different" I found that I needed more than just bad memories to keep me from taking a drink. So far I have found nothing as effective as helping other alcoholics. |
Originally Posted by bbthumper
(Post 3714826)
I fall into that category of folks that are, as the Big Book says " unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago." |
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