I finally admit that I have a problem.
I had gastric bypass in 12/09. I lost 110lbs. Since then I am getting divorced and am a single mother of 3.
I started drinking when my ex and I separated. At first it was like a rebellion, because he wouldn't "allow" drinking in our marriage because I had to be sober 100% of the time for the kids.
Then it got out of control, black outs, one night I scared a friend because I picked up a random guy at the bar and was totally wasted.
It got worse when I started to date my last boyfriend. He drinks everyday until he passes out. He is high functioning because he works, but on the weekend days he would drink all day long. He wanted me to drink with him, so I did. Almost every day (my kids were with relatives for the summer).
Then in July, when my kids returned home...the bf broke up with me and it was the one year anniversary to someone I cared abouts death. I decided to drink the whole weekend. My ex husband actually went out and bought me more vodka...I didn't bake my daughter a cake for her birthday and was too drunk to cook dinner, so I called my ex to pick my kids up.
The next morning I was still drinking and sending really scary texts to my sisters that live far away. I was brought in on a psych hold. Throughout my stay, alcoholism wasn't mentioned...I was being treated for depression and anxiety, but the idea was that I should stay away from alcohol. When I was brought in, my BAL was more than 4x the legal limit. The dr was surprised I was still walking.
I have a pending DUI, and I actually wasn't drunk (which is the ironic part about it) But because the previous month I had my binge drinking episode, my ex called the cops and said I had been drinking. I had a bad concussion, and refused to blow. I have subsequently lost my job, and part of it is people always suspected I came into work drunk. I didn't drink besides at night on work days, but still smelled of it from time to time.
But basically, I met someone who admitted to me he was an alcoholic and after hearing how I am with the drinking, he said that I need to stop. I always justify drinking, "I can just drink tonight," "If I buy wine instead of vodka, I will have to stop when the bottle runs out." "I will only have one." But I have had days that I do not stop drinking.
I will say that I do not drink and drive and my kids are always taken care of and fed...and I do not put them in danger. But my ex will try to take them if I admit to having a problem.
But I just can't live this way anymore. I have to pull myself together.