sofie

It seems like when I'm doing well with sobriety and start to feel good that drinking friends from my past seem to come out of the woodwork (guess all holiday stuff too). I'm not really tempted to go, but I just say "I'm not feeling festive" or "maybe another time". The reality is I don't trust myself to be in those situations with alcohol. When I have been honest in the past and said just that- that I don't trust myself around alcohol-, the response has been like, " you don't have a problem" or "you will be alright". I don't know if other people experience that---it's like no one (even my family) wants to believe that I can't control my drinking. Most of these people are not alcoholics and can't fathom how someone can't just have a few drinks and stop. Sometimes in the past, I will try to convince myself that too, but it is mostly always a disaster... Had two holiday invitations to parties today and I basically said I couldn't commit, but probably not...I don't know...

Virg

I feel the same way. I have just been avoiding these gatherings. I need more time to heal.
And get used to sober living. Honestly I don't feel that I am missing much.

sofie

Very good point! Not missing much and guess I don't have to explain why I don't want to go...thank you for the reply!

Virg

No problem I was invited out drinking twice in the last couple days and I just said I am too busy. It isn't really a lie, but what they don't know is that I am just making myself busy with other things. Honestly I can't think of a more boring place to be sober than a bar which is why I am just avoiding it. The boredom will just be a strong temptation to "fit in" and get drunk...

EternalQ

With rare exception I do not go unless I feel very confident in my sobriety. If I feel I must go but don't feel strong I make sure there is a sober support there, someone else who will not be drinking too, out of solidarity for me as I know very few recovered people.

I feel no need to explain why (exceot for very close friends etc) but also feel no need to hide that I am not drinking that moment with an "No, I'm not having any tonite" or "no thanks, I'll just have cranberry and club soda" when everyone orders.

I never explain at the moment. Either the people with me know cause I've told them ahead or they don't. I don't think the moment you're out at the restaurant /party/ whatever is the time for explaining. Just say "Hmmnn no none for me thanks, I will have..." or bring your own drink if its someones house.

In the very early months I rehearsed saying no thanks and ordering something else before I went. If people get nosey just say Aw, Its nothing, I'm just not drinking right now and change the topic.

People will NOT understand it. Very few. We can't expect that. That's what SR is for. Lol . But those who love you will believe you and accept it and help you... even if they can't understand.

rocky39

I guess i know now its not just me! I feel so awkward telling family and friends that i dont trust myself. Im sure if someone handed me a drink i would'nt down it in 3 seconds like my head would be screaming at me to do. The saying no is very hard for me tho. I grew up with drinking all my life so im the weird one out, saying no to drinking. Now with the holidays coming up its even worse. I made it thru thanksgiving ok. I had a seaperate dinner a week later at my house " No Alcohol allowed". I had a few less ppl but im willing to deal with that. I would rather be on my terms so not to mess up. Maybe next year i will be stronger. If not thats ok too. They can except me or not. I know i need the change to be a good mother and be here for future grandbabys...

sofie

Thank you!! That is so true about the people who love you understanding...these reminders really help! So fortunate to be a part of SR!

Delilah1

I have skipped a few work functions that involve alcohol, and will be skipping my Christmas party this Saturday. I am going to a Christmas event with my kiddos and husband instead. My family knows I am not drinking, I am hoping it isn't even a conversation Christmas Day. New Years Eve will be easier, we always stay home and do appetizers and bubbly, this year my bubbly will be the same as the kids either ginger ale or sparkling cider.