how can i stay sober with an alcoholic husband around
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: wa
Posts: 24
how can i stay sober with an alcoholic husband around
I final had enough of the making me feel bad about the addiction i struggle with when he is standing there drinking his 5th or 6th beer, and way to celebrate you wife getting out of rehab by getting drunk nothing say welcome home then a drinking celebration, yes i know that was 6 yrs ago but you have been drunk ever since and you wonder why i struggle with not wanting to run to a doc. and get some pain killers, that will tune you out.you cant hurt me any more i will stand up for myself from now on
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 162
I feel for you all, and have mucho respect for you all... To be honest, if my wife was also a drunk (like me), I probably never would have "seen the light" and recognized my problem for what it is... I can't drink like "normal" people...
Congrats on being able to recognize the problem in yourselves, and doing something about it. That's something to be proud of!
Congrats on being able to recognize the problem in yourselves, and doing something about it. That's something to be proud of!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
4444lost, I feel for you. My husband also has a drinking problem (although he denies that he does). I have lost count of how many times I have tried to quit drinking and asked him to quit with me or at least cut down - it didn't work. This time around I have developed a totally different mindset and instead of focussing on my husband I am focussing on me.
I had a long heart to heart with my husband explaining to him "my" problem with alcohol. I have explained to him that I don't mind him drinking but to please not to have stash of alcohol in the house and not to drink early evening before I have eaten and had my cup of herbal tea after.
He has been really good, trying to work around my wishes. I got nowhere before trying to get him to stop with me....he is not ready to stop drinking and doesn't want to. I DO WANT TO STOP. I have learned that you can't change other peoples behaviour only your own.
It's hard being around someone who is drinking, but it can be done. Good luck.
I had a long heart to heart with my husband explaining to him "my" problem with alcohol. I have explained to him that I don't mind him drinking but to please not to have stash of alcohol in the house and not to drink early evening before I have eaten and had my cup of herbal tea after.
He has been really good, trying to work around my wishes. I got nowhere before trying to get him to stop with me....he is not ready to stop drinking and doesn't want to. I DO WANT TO STOP. I have learned that you can't change other peoples behaviour only your own.
It's hard being around someone who is drinking, but it can be done. Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Welcome 444lost
A lot of the people here deal with a drinking, even alcoholic, spouse.
It's tough but it's not a dealbreaker - you'll always find sober support and ideas here
very glad you found us
D
A lot of the people here deal with a drinking, even alcoholic, spouse.
It's tough but it's not a dealbreaker - you'll always find sober support and ideas here
very glad you found us
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Lynnwood WA
Posts: 424
I have done something similar to dragon12.
Although I am not married, I have been with and lived with my boyfriend for 6 years. I decided to quit drinking because I could not handle myself when I drank or how much I drank. My boyfriend does drink a lot, he could have a problem with it, but he only gets happy when he is drunk and never seems to have a hangover. That's not an excuse but I'm not going to nag him about something that I did for so long and caused so many problems with.
I am allowing him to drink at the house, but only if he keeps his alcohol in his man cave and only if I never see it; he has to drink out of a cup rather then a can. I don't mind going to bars or parties with him and definitely don't mind driving but I have the final say in when we leave. If he doesn't want to leave with me then he has to find his own way home.
Because of my stopping, I have noticed that he has cut back quite a bit. He might have a beer or two instead of a case. It's not as fun drinking by himself. If he wants friends over to drink, they have to stay in his man cave. I will hang out some but I want the rest of the house to myself.
Being sober has made me a very honest person with my feelings. I will tell him what I want and how I feel about everything. If you are admitting to a problem, your husband probably saw your drinking as a problem as well; whether or not he admits to his own problem. Therefore, he should abide by your 'rules.' He shouldn't blow smoke in your face if you quit drinking, therefore he shouldn't drink around (it that's what you want) if you quit drinking.
Although I am not married, I have been with and lived with my boyfriend for 6 years. I decided to quit drinking because I could not handle myself when I drank or how much I drank. My boyfriend does drink a lot, he could have a problem with it, but he only gets happy when he is drunk and never seems to have a hangover. That's not an excuse but I'm not going to nag him about something that I did for so long and caused so many problems with.
I am allowing him to drink at the house, but only if he keeps his alcohol in his man cave and only if I never see it; he has to drink out of a cup rather then a can. I don't mind going to bars or parties with him and definitely don't mind driving but I have the final say in when we leave. If he doesn't want to leave with me then he has to find his own way home.
Because of my stopping, I have noticed that he has cut back quite a bit. He might have a beer or two instead of a case. It's not as fun drinking by himself. If he wants friends over to drink, they have to stay in his man cave. I will hang out some but I want the rest of the house to myself.
Being sober has made me a very honest person with my feelings. I will tell him what I want and how I feel about everything. If you are admitting to a problem, your husband probably saw your drinking as a problem as well; whether or not he admits to his own problem. Therefore, he should abide by your 'rules.' He shouldn't blow smoke in your face if you quit drinking, therefore he shouldn't drink around (it that's what you want) if you quit drinking.
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