Saliena

Ken -- I feel your pain... about drinking, about being gay, about life. Having been gay my whole life it is the only life I know. But, I also know the struggles that come with it. Being the different one at family functions, having to explain (or not) your partner to your family, being gay isn't an easy path in life. But, it isn't a WRONG path. Love yourself, if you can not do that, be easy on yourself.

I turn into a monster when I drink. I feel the pain of all of my disappointments in life, I fight my feelings, I don't know any other way to explain it. But, I drink myself stupid to not feel, and then when I do end up feeling during drinking, it turns into a fight with the world and when I come out of it... I don't remember it... but, those around me are left with the scares and memories of things I never would have said or done in my right mind.

So, I understand your pain.

But, there is a way out... you have to have a plan of action and not just HOPE that things will change.

I have read your post through this year. They are filled with hope and support. But, you need action now buddy. Put together a plan to save your life... or next time you might end up losing it... and while sometimes that might feel like a better answer... I will tell you from experiance... it isn't.

Thanks,
Saliena

Junebugapril

My momdar didn't go off, so I missed that gay part. I have a gay kid and am so proud of him. I adore him, and absolutely love his boyfriend. I hope you are okay. Don't worry about drinking if you can, because you have all that time sober under your belt, so it won't be as hard this time.
Hugs,
JunebugApril

Weasel1966

Thank you for saying that. But I said I hate being gay in anger at everything. While not perfectly adjusted to it I am managing it. I do like that part of me when it doesn't have to mix into society.

This is really about what happened. How am I going to move forward. How can I learn.

I will be speaking with my counselor in a short while. I will work with him to see what's next.