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Trying to understand

Old 12-09-2012, 04:33 PM
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Trying to understand

Hi I am new here and hope I am posting in the right place! I was married for 13 years to alcoholic/ crack/ heroin addict. We have 3 beautiful children together. We have been divorced now for 3 years. I lived in utter darkness walking on eggshells for so long.....the emotional toll and the emotional abuse finally became too much to live with. I left the marriage to save us all. I also hoped my ex would hit his bottom. He had been to rehab once and immediately started using again as well as carrying on an affair with a women from the rehab. I thought my leaving would be enough......it wasn't...he continued to use for 2 more years. Barely having any contact with our children. Any contact was usually a ploy to hook me into giving him money. I was so supportive all those years desperate to help him in any way possibly. Desperate for him to keep the promises he made. It has since been one year of him being clean. During that year he made very little contact with us.....always speaking of himself and what he was doing to stay clean....90 day inpatient, sober house, now in an apt. He wrote letters of apology asked me to go to coffee a few times but never really made attempt to enter back into my or our children's lives. He text the kids a few times a week. Never makes plans for visits. He finally got a job 3 months ago. After being clean 7 months he started a relationship with another woman.....???? So I am trying to understand why he says he is working so hard to stay clean, get a job, start paying child support.....and his life is so hard..... Yet he has not done any work to repair the damage in our relationships but has gone on to form a new loving relationship. It is so painful....it is like he left us again. I never wanted a divorce it was just no other way to save myself and children. He says he has so much compassion for me and is sorry but never tried to come back for us. Most upsetting is the other day my son was very honest with him and said he didn't want to visit with him he wasn't ready. His father was so vicious saying " fine I might not be here when you are ready....and u r a disrespectful punk, a cry baby ass and should get over it , i am so tired if saying sorry to you all..".... I don't understand how you can be in recovery and behave that way to your own child?? Please send me any insight. . Desperately trying to understand....desperately trying to do the right thing.
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