I believe I am an alcholic, need help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11
Hey everyone!
I'm so worried about my drinking. By now I am fully convinced I am an alcoholic. I relapsed again a couple of times since I posted the last time, everytime going on 3-4 day binges, but quitting months in between. There I was still convinced of the problem, but like many of us at the beggining, I was in denial, convinced there was nothing really wrong and suffering from mild to none alcohol withdrawals.
But I believe these time I'll be big, the binges are becoming longer and the hangovers/withdrawals also.
I know I'm the stupidest person in the world, but I got on my last Binge this time, and also the longest (8 day long). Eating just one or two times a day but drinking about a bottle of vodka the last 3 or 4. Afterwards I went straight to the clinic, they didn't gave me anything but recommended a detox, still I just stayed there for the first 24 hours, still denying it would be that bad. Since I got there on my own I was also able to leave whenewer I wanted. Blood preassure and temperature were always normal. But weird schakes in the body everynow and then, specially in the night, were I wasnt able to sleep. Was able to eat two times a day, even more on the last.
As I was staying there I felt in the first morning pretty fine, was always able to eat but still was a little shaky But after 5 o'clock, around the time I left it did deffinitely got worse, but then again completely fine, I experienced mild blurry vision and almost none headaches, also mild sweat. As it got completely fine it lasted for about three hours in which I had some conversation with my buddies hier, even did a bit of excersie, everything was but the pupils. No shakes no headache everything but the big pupils. (Btw, as I was in the hospital they didn't really wanted me to leave, stating I was experiencing minor withdrawals, after a while of checking out the doc just recommended to eat and drink a lot).
Like I said later I was able to run a bit have some talks with my buddies and even cooking coup, and doing some work for college.
Then the shakes came again this time quiet strong, but shorted period and then sweating.
But the thing that completely worried is a shape I saw in the white screen when I tried to foccus, the whole time like an octupus moving his arms, kinda difficut to describe as it fades away when I dont look at it straight ahead. I'm still able to write this right now.
I'm studying abroad and my mother is coming to visit me in eleven days, I dont want to surprise her by having her just in the hospital.
What should I do? As I was at the detox centre I talked to other heavy drinkersand their experiences ar far worse. But I am so afraid of those facilities, What sould I do?? I Alcohol really screwed me completelly, its due time for my uniwork in 2 weeks and I still need to write 30 pages. is there, in any way any solution to this problem right now? Please help! Im sick and tired of drinking I wont do it again aver ever... to prove how this is ruining my life: I'm 21 years old, btw before that binge drink I had another one for about a month ago, without any seriosly repercussion afterwards. If I dont quit, I die.
I'm so worried about my drinking. By now I am fully convinced I am an alcoholic. I relapsed again a couple of times since I posted the last time, everytime going on 3-4 day binges, but quitting months in between. There I was still convinced of the problem, but like many of us at the beggining, I was in denial, convinced there was nothing really wrong and suffering from mild to none alcohol withdrawals.
But I believe these time I'll be big, the binges are becoming longer and the hangovers/withdrawals also.
I know I'm the stupidest person in the world, but I got on my last Binge this time, and also the longest (8 day long). Eating just one or two times a day but drinking about a bottle of vodka the last 3 or 4. Afterwards I went straight to the clinic, they didn't gave me anything but recommended a detox, still I just stayed there for the first 24 hours, still denying it would be that bad. Since I got there on my own I was also able to leave whenewer I wanted. Blood preassure and temperature were always normal. But weird schakes in the body everynow and then, specially in the night, were I wasnt able to sleep. Was able to eat two times a day, even more on the last.
As I was staying there I felt in the first morning pretty fine, was always able to eat but still was a little shaky But after 5 o'clock, around the time I left it did deffinitely got worse, but then again completely fine, I experienced mild blurry vision and almost none headaches, also mild sweat. As it got completely fine it lasted for about three hours in which I had some conversation with my buddies hier, even did a bit of excersie, everything was but the pupils. No shakes no headache everything but the big pupils. (Btw, as I was in the hospital they didn't really wanted me to leave, stating I was experiencing minor withdrawals, after a while of checking out the doc just recommended to eat and drink a lot).
Like I said later I was able to run a bit have some talks with my buddies and even cooking coup, and doing some work for college.
Then the shakes came again this time quiet strong, but shorted period and then sweating.
But the thing that completely worried is a shape I saw in the white screen when I tried to foccus, the whole time like an octupus moving his arms, kinda difficut to describe as it fades away when I dont look at it straight ahead. I'm still able to write this right now.
I'm studying abroad and my mother is coming to visit me in eleven days, I dont want to surprise her by having her just in the hospital.
What should I do? As I was at the detox centre I talked to other heavy drinkersand their experiences ar far worse. But I am so afraid of those facilities, What sould I do?? I Alcohol really screwed me completelly, its due time for my uniwork in 2 weeks and I still need to write 30 pages. is there, in any way any solution to this problem right now? Please help! Im sick and tired of drinking I wont do it again aver ever... to prove how this is ruining my life: I'm 21 years old, btw before that binge drink I had another one for about a month ago, without any seriosly repercussion afterwards. If I dont quit, I die.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
11 days till your mother comes, two weeks till school...
Sounds like the prefect time to get in detox and get this over with. You will need treatment after detox but that can be worked in to your schedule.
Do it. Do it tomorrow.
Sounds like the prefect time to get in detox and get this over with. You will need treatment after detox but that can be worked in to your schedule.
Do it. Do it tomorrow.
Originally Posted by Rockdrigo
If I don't quit, I die
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Originally Posted by isinganyway 
I feel that. Check out some AA meetings, keep an open mind, and don't worry about the future. You don't have to say "I'm done forever." Focus on each day for the first couple of weeks. It's less intimidating. And remember that there's a difference between "drinking buddies" and real friends...
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders! Keep seeking answers and learn about alcohol and how harmful it is.. Your reaching out is really a good sign at your age.. You can do this!! Pulling for you!! Good luck, friend!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11
I went today to the emergency room, cause the shakes wouldn't stop and I haven't had any sleep in like 2 nights in a row, Doc tells me everything is fine and I'm reaching the peak of the detox... but I don't seem to see any end in this, pupils are as big as hell and on the way from the emergency room through the hospital I got lost in the big building a couple of time, then I wanted to puke so badly but all that came out were some stomach fluids and a tiny stripe of blood.
I told the doctor I didn't knew about detox since I have to get some papers on friday and tomorrow i should be "at work", told him what just had happened right there in the hospital and he just yelled at me saying he had already done his statement and everything was fine exept some stuff on the blood test (but no lever levels, those were high, but still manageable)
God..... I don't I will ever know anyone who also such a drunk at the age f 21 :/ Have no money left but for rehab, then I would be able to pay my bills, and since I havent been at work for a couple of days Im surely not getting paid this month.
I told the doctor I didn't knew about detox since I have to get some papers on friday and tomorrow i should be "at work", told him what just had happened right there in the hospital and he just yelled at me saying he had already done his statement and everything was fine exept some stuff on the blood test (but no lever levels, those were high, but still manageable)
God..... I don't I will ever know anyone who also such a drunk at the age f 21 :/ Have no money left but for rehab, then I would be able to pay my bills, and since I havent been at work for a couple of days Im surely not getting paid this month.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi again Rockdrigo
I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling - I don't know too much about Germany but aren't their social services pretty good?
Wouldn't there be some free or low cost rehab facilities?
D
I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling - I don't know too much about Germany but aren't their social services pretty good?
Wouldn't there be some free or low cost rehab facilities?
D
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
"Juan", two things:
Don't stop looking for help. As Dee said, there should be some free or low cost help available there.
DON'T PICK UP ANOTHER DRINK. Not even one. If you see a drink, run away. If you don't, you will have to go through this again. Find an AA group and go to them for help.
Don't stop looking for help. As Dee said, there should be some free or low cost help available there.
DON'T PICK UP ANOTHER DRINK. Not even one. If you see a drink, run away. If you don't, you will have to go through this again. Find an AA group and go to them for help.
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