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Old 12-08-2012, 10:49 PM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Dec 2012
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Totally Caught Off Guard


I am new here and thank you for any comments. My wife is currently in a 5 day detox and should be getting out in the next day or so. It has taken me to this point to understand that she really has a drinking problem. The last few months she has also been seeing a Therapist and going to group type meeting for childhood sex abuse. We are in our 40s.

I have been totally caught off guard. I have two boys 11 and 13. And I guess I have had the typical Male response to want to do anything and as fast as I can to fix the problem(s). I am discovering from her therapists, other professionals and from my reading that is not what I should be doing. I am learning as I go here.

My wife does want to and is getting help and is sorry and is taking the correct steps to help herself and I am supportive of her in doing so. The substance abuse caught me off guard as she was drinking a 5th of vodka daily and has suicidal thoughts as well.

She is not an angry drunk. In fact you would not even know. She just gets a little loopy and goes to bed early.

I just feel that I am behind of a lot of things that have been going on. I am learning things that happened to her as a child and feel so bad for her. I thought her drinking was a way for her to get away from the pain of remembering her childhood abuse.

If I understand the Therapist the alcoholism has to be solved first and there is no excuse for it. Right now I am going to be supportive for the correct actions she is taking, but will need to begin to let her realize and take responsibility for her drinking. After the 5 day detox I am going to explain for example: If she drinks anymore, I just can't have her driving the kids to and from school. I will take the keys to the car. She will need to go back into a 30 day detox (which I cannot afford).

I love her. She is a great person. I love my kids. I am NOT going to go through the drinking then not drinking, lying and hiding etc. I am just not going to do it. She has always known how I feel regarding the responsibility we have to our family. I am not going to be angry or negative or lecture. I am learning to put the responsibility of her drinking on her shoulders and I will be there to support her correct decisions. I just don't believe long term she will not drink. I hope I am wrong.

That is where I am at. I have a long way to go with this don't I?
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Old 12-09-2012, 01:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
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Hello and welcome to SR. You sound like a wonderfully supportive husband and your wife will appreciate all you are trying to do for her.

You may want to repost your intro in that Friends and family section. I'll come back if I can copy and paste a link in for you.

S x

Edit here you go and I've learnt something new!
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Last edited by Sazzle; 12-09-2012 at 01:51 AM. Reason: Adding link
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Old 12-09-2012, 01:55 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I'm glad you found us

I don't think anyone ever went through a situation like you are knowing exactly what to do - but you'll find a lot of shared wisdom and experience here

A lot of people find face to face support in things like Al Anon.

We also have a forum here that Sazzle mentioned above - you might like to check that out as well:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

welcome to SR
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Old 12-09-2012, 02:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
everything is already ok
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Welcome to SR, lots of support here.
...And like a bird that's on the wing and is flying free
He can hear the song of home endlessly
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