Totally Caught Off Guard
I am new here and thank you for any comments. My wife is currently in a 5 day detox and should be getting out in the next day or so. It has taken me to this point to understand that she really has a drinking problem. The last few months she has also been seeing a Therapist and going to group type meeting for childhood sex abuse. We are in our 40s.
I have been totally caught off guard. I have two boys 11 and 13. And I guess I have had the typical Male response to want to do anything and as fast as I can to fix the problem(s). I am discovering from her therapists, other professionals and from my reading that is not what I should be doing. I am learning as I go here.
My wife does want to and is getting help and is sorry and is taking the correct steps to help herself and I am supportive of her in doing so. The substance abuse caught me off guard as she was drinking a 5th of vodka daily and has suicidal thoughts as well.
She is not an angry drunk. In fact you would not even know. She just gets a little loopy and goes to bed early.
I just feel that I am behind of a lot of things that have been going on. I am learning things that happened to her as a child and feel so bad for her. I thought her drinking was a way for her to get away from the pain of remembering her childhood abuse.
If I understand the Therapist the alcoholism has to be solved first and there is no excuse for it. Right now I am going to be supportive for the correct actions she is taking, but will need to begin to let her realize and take responsibility for her drinking. After the 5 day detox I am going to explain for example: If she drinks anymore, I just can't have her driving the kids to and from school. I will take the keys to the car. She will need to go back into a 30 day detox (which I cannot afford).
I love her. She is a great person. I love my kids. I am NOT going to go through the drinking then not drinking, lying and hiding etc. I am just not going to do it. She has always known how I feel regarding the responsibility we have to our family. I am not going to be angry or negative or lecture. I am learning to put the responsibility of her drinking on her shoulders and I will be there to support her correct decisions. I just don't believe long term she will not drink. I hope I am wrong.
That is where I am at. I have a long way to go with this don't I?