birddream

I thought I'd start a thread about drinking and social pressures, as this has always been my biggest problem with regard to drinking. I think, while it's hard enough to admit you have a drinking problem, it can be harder to admit you drank yourself to oblivion due to peer pressure. That's me. I would be grateful to read other people's experiences on this topic - particularly how you are handling your drinking friends now that you are sober.

I'm a 38 y.o. male. I was a straight A student in high school and was a typical "nerd." I was teased a lot for being awkward and overweight. I had one friend in high school. I was totally against the idea of drinking or smoking. Once I got to college, I was convinced to try drinking at a marching band get-together and that was it. I became the life of the party... I wasn't afraid to talk to anybody... I had so much fun. People suddenly loved me.

Fast-forward almost 20 years later. The group of friends I retained to the present day are relics of my drinking crew from college. For the past 10 years, we have never hung out together for any occasion that didn't involve some kind of drinking. Any plans made always involved an unspoken excuse to drink.

The problem is, I started experiencing problems with my drinking, and for the most part, they have not. I continued to drink despite these problems, despite having gastric bypass surgery and despite being on an anxiety medication that is dangerous when combined with alcohol.

Whenever I've tried to talk to my friends about the idea of quitting alcohol, the typical response is something to the effect of... "you're over-reacting, you're fine, you're crazy..." and one even joked that there would be no reason to hang out anymore if I quit drinking (sadly, it's true). Now that I have decided to be sober, I see that my social world revolved COMPLETELY around drinking people and drinking situations. Saying goodbye to alcohol right now means saying goodbye to my entire social life. In fact, I decided not to go to the annual friend holiday party tonight, because it would be too triggering of a situation. I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to make new friends easily. I'm very shy and introverted. But I told myself today, I'd rather be sober and have no friends, than have friends and be ill.

Please write back if you can relate to my story. Thanks for reading.

Dee74

I was very shy...drinking helped that - at least in the beginning.
But eventually it seemed I could either be shy or a drunken obnoxious a-hole.

There was no middle ground for me.

A lot of my friends drank hard too - and the ones that didn't fell away as I drank harder and harder.

I had to leave anyone who didn't understand why I had to quit behind, but I found a lot of new friends, and I reconnected with a lot of those old friends I mentioned before

Quitting drinking usually means a lot of change - but you won't lose out

D

Xune

No, not really.

I just liked to binge drink with like minded friends back when I was younger.

Anna

No, not at all.

I began drinking in my mid-forties to self-medicate depression/anxiety/insomnia. I drank at home, alone, always.

DAB

I can totally relate. What is even more sad is that even though some of my old drinking friends don't drink anymore either, we still never just hang out.
The only friends I ever socialize with are friends that I never drank with for the most part.
I have been attending AA for over a year and have met a lot of great people there.
AA is a great social outlet for me right now.

LDT

Hi birddream!

When I first quit drinking I had to somewhat detach from my circle of friends, as 99% of them drank..... a lot. I had maybe 2 friends that didn't drink. I spent about a year healing, which included reading, therapy, yoga, long walks, and just trying to be still and quiet. I did venture out a few times, and when I did I did not drink. It was hard at first, but got easier as time went by. I was okay with my self imposed semi- isolation. I am not an introvert. In fact, I am a very social person. But, like you, I was willing to have no friends than to be drunk with a trunk full of friends. When I was a year sober I came to this site looking for sober friends...... and I got them! These days I can occasionally be with my old friends ( who, incidentally, seem to drink a lot less these days ) and not feel so conflicted. I would just like to say, listen to heart ..... trust yourself..... be patient with yourself, and everything will fall into place. Sounds like you're off to a good start!

onlythetruth

I started drinking, among other reasons, for social acceptance.

By the end, I was hiding, alone in my office, afraid to leave the house.

miko67

I drank to feel part of society. It was what I dreamed of, no joke, to stand at the bar like my dad and be a man! Wow. I become a man now. Sober.