Recently discovered now exboyfriend on Heroin
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Posts: 21
Recently discovered now exboyfriend on Heroin
I met my ex boyfriend back in December of 2008. I had just gotten a new at a department store and he worked in the men's department. From that day, I knew he was something special.
November 9, 2009 we had our first date. We had been friends for a year so things were awesome. Nothing was awkward, we had a wonderful time. I fell in love with him so fast and within a year he gave me a promise ring and I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We were so head over heals for each other, everyone could see it. We brought out the best in each other.
During our time of dating, I knew something was off with him. Out of nowhere on any given day, weeks or months apart he would get horrible migraines with terrrrrible vomiting episodes. And when I say terrible, I mean terrible. profuse vomiting 15 minutes apart for at least 24 hours straight. After a while of this, I would tell him he needed to go to the doctor. He would say no he was fine. And it seemed legit because in 24 hours he would be fine. it was like a lightbulb went off and he was fine! he began eating again and everything.
This went on the entire 3 years we dated. Then it got to the point where I would be nervous to even go out anywhere with him, for fear he would get so sick in public and I would have to care for him.
Fast forward to October 2012. Everything was going awesome. He had just started a new job as a radiologic technologist, and I just landed a job as a dental assistant. He had a 4.0 in college as did I. Things couldn't be better, we were finally getting our lives started together.
I would often lend him money, well not really lend, but give him money. Because he would tell me he had to use all his money to pay for his bills. Which I understood because before this, he only had a job at a grocery store and didn't make much. I trusted him enough to give him my debit card and my pin number so he could go get the money himself. He has known my pin number since a year after we started dating and I had never had any problems. I trusted him with my life. My parents would also give him money too because they felt bad for him. They would give him anywhere from 40-100 dollars each time I would ask them. We all thought money was just tight and he was part of the family.
I went out to lunch with a friend at the end of october I went to college with to catch up. We didn't go anywhere fancy, just taco bell. I handed the lady my card and it was declined. I thought wow, this can't be right. I had just put money into my account a few days before. So my friend drove me to a bank and we printed out the statements. There were phantom withdrawals of up to $220 each time. From the SAME ATM my boyfriend used to get money out. Alltogether, over 3,000 dollars had been withdrawn that I had no idea about
I confronted him about it for a week. He denied up and down that he couldnt and would not do that to me. That someone had to have gotten my pin and stole the money. At first, I believed it. He would never do that, he was the love of my life. But I had this horrible feeling that it was him. No one else knew my pin number but him. We fought about it for the whole week.
One night he went home from my house and he ALWAYS texted me to let me know he got home safe. He never texted me. I called him three times and then finally his mother called me. She said "he's home, but I took his phone and am not giving it back." I could hear his father screaming at him up and down swearing at him and calling him every name under the sun. Apparently he hadn't paid his car payment in a few months and he had just recently gotten 2 paychecks of over 600 dollars altogether from the grocery store and his new job at the doctors office. His mother told me she had missing jewelry and that he had stolen 600 dollars out of his brother's bank account. And I told her about my phantom withdrawals. I hung up and flew to his house. I needed answers and I needed them NOW.
When I got there, my boyfriend came walking down the steps from his bedroom, with his father behind him. I said what the blue hell is going on here?? He didn't say a word. Just told me to sit down. His father put a box on the coffee table and said "it's all right there, needles and syringes."
I felt so sick I couldn't even speak. I just wanted to throw up. I really don't remember much of that night, just a bunch of yelling, screaming and crying. I told him it was over. And threw my promise ring at him, but then I took it back because I didn't want him to sell it for heroin.
That morning, he went to rehab 4 hours away from us. He was pretty much forced to go, his aunt told him he will either go to rehab, or she would go with him to pick out his casket.
After things calmed down, I talked to his aunt who I am very close to. I convinced myself that I couldn't leave him and I had to stay and support him through rehab. I convinced myself that once he got out, he would be the man I fell in love with again. He was in rehab for 28 days and I talked to him almost everyday he was in there after I calmed down. And talking on the phone to him, he sounded like the love of my life again. I was convinced he was okay.
He came home on November 29th, and everything was completely blissful. He was my love of my life again. Until a week later, we found out he was stealing his little cousins tylenol with codiene prescription from when he had foot surgery a year ago. (he was living with his aunt when he got out of rehab).
This is when I said goodbye for good...two days ago. It wasn't even a week that he had been out of rehab and he was chasing the high already. He told us he needed it because his back hurt and he hid it because he didn't want us to thing he was chasing a high. You don't need codiene for pain. I heard from his aunt that yesterday he went to his outpatient recovery and tested positive for benzos and opiates. He went on a binge and got a ton of sleeping pills and told his aunt he was trying to overdose because I left him and he can't live without me. Talk about a guilt trip.
This is my story. Now I don't know where to begin to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. I have never been hurt so bad in my entire life. I thought he was it, the man I would spend forever with. I don't know where to begin to start over, and I have spiraled downhill with him into a deep dark depression.
Just a little more info about us, we are both 25 and still living at home, trying to save up to start our lives together...or so I thought. I have never touched a drug in my life (other than cigarettes) I have never even smoke weed before in my life. I am just at a loss... My heart is broken and I feel like everything was taken from me. All I wanted to do is sit on my couch and stare into space. I'm sorry this post was long. Any insight would be greatly appreciated from anyone who wants to read my story
November 9, 2009 we had our first date. We had been friends for a year so things were awesome. Nothing was awkward, we had a wonderful time. I fell in love with him so fast and within a year he gave me a promise ring and I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We were so head over heals for each other, everyone could see it. We brought out the best in each other.
During our time of dating, I knew something was off with him. Out of nowhere on any given day, weeks or months apart he would get horrible migraines with terrrrrible vomiting episodes. And when I say terrible, I mean terrible. profuse vomiting 15 minutes apart for at least 24 hours straight. After a while of this, I would tell him he needed to go to the doctor. He would say no he was fine. And it seemed legit because in 24 hours he would be fine. it was like a lightbulb went off and he was fine! he began eating again and everything.
This went on the entire 3 years we dated. Then it got to the point where I would be nervous to even go out anywhere with him, for fear he would get so sick in public and I would have to care for him.
Fast forward to October 2012. Everything was going awesome. He had just started a new job as a radiologic technologist, and I just landed a job as a dental assistant. He had a 4.0 in college as did I. Things couldn't be better, we were finally getting our lives started together.
I would often lend him money, well not really lend, but give him money. Because he would tell me he had to use all his money to pay for his bills. Which I understood because before this, he only had a job at a grocery store and didn't make much. I trusted him enough to give him my debit card and my pin number so he could go get the money himself. He has known my pin number since a year after we started dating and I had never had any problems. I trusted him with my life. My parents would also give him money too because they felt bad for him. They would give him anywhere from 40-100 dollars each time I would ask them. We all thought money was just tight and he was part of the family.
I went out to lunch with a friend at the end of october I went to college with to catch up. We didn't go anywhere fancy, just taco bell. I handed the lady my card and it was declined. I thought wow, this can't be right. I had just put money into my account a few days before. So my friend drove me to a bank and we printed out the statements. There were phantom withdrawals of up to $220 each time. From the SAME ATM my boyfriend used to get money out. Alltogether, over 3,000 dollars had been withdrawn that I had no idea about
I confronted him about it for a week. He denied up and down that he couldnt and would not do that to me. That someone had to have gotten my pin and stole the money. At first, I believed it. He would never do that, he was the love of my life. But I had this horrible feeling that it was him. No one else knew my pin number but him. We fought about it for the whole week.
One night he went home from my house and he ALWAYS texted me to let me know he got home safe. He never texted me. I called him three times and then finally his mother called me. She said "he's home, but I took his phone and am not giving it back." I could hear his father screaming at him up and down swearing at him and calling him every name under the sun. Apparently he hadn't paid his car payment in a few months and he had just recently gotten 2 paychecks of over 600 dollars altogether from the grocery store and his new job at the doctors office. His mother told me she had missing jewelry and that he had stolen 600 dollars out of his brother's bank account. And I told her about my phantom withdrawals. I hung up and flew to his house. I needed answers and I needed them NOW.
When I got there, my boyfriend came walking down the steps from his bedroom, with his father behind him. I said what the blue hell is going on here?? He didn't say a word. Just told me to sit down. His father put a box on the coffee table and said "it's all right there, needles and syringes."
I felt so sick I couldn't even speak. I just wanted to throw up. I really don't remember much of that night, just a bunch of yelling, screaming and crying. I told him it was over. And threw my promise ring at him, but then I took it back because I didn't want him to sell it for heroin.
That morning, he went to rehab 4 hours away from us. He was pretty much forced to go, his aunt told him he will either go to rehab, or she would go with him to pick out his casket.
After things calmed down, I talked to his aunt who I am very close to. I convinced myself that I couldn't leave him and I had to stay and support him through rehab. I convinced myself that once he got out, he would be the man I fell in love with again. He was in rehab for 28 days and I talked to him almost everyday he was in there after I calmed down. And talking on the phone to him, he sounded like the love of my life again. I was convinced he was okay.
He came home on November 29th, and everything was completely blissful. He was my love of my life again. Until a week later, we found out he was stealing his little cousins tylenol with codiene prescription from when he had foot surgery a year ago. (he was living with his aunt when he got out of rehab).
This is when I said goodbye for good...two days ago. It wasn't even a week that he had been out of rehab and he was chasing the high already. He told us he needed it because his back hurt and he hid it because he didn't want us to thing he was chasing a high. You don't need codiene for pain. I heard from his aunt that yesterday he went to his outpatient recovery and tested positive for benzos and opiates. He went on a binge and got a ton of sleeping pills and told his aunt he was trying to overdose because I left him and he can't live without me. Talk about a guilt trip.
This is my story. Now I don't know where to begin to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. I have never been hurt so bad in my entire life. I thought he was it, the man I would spend forever with. I don't know where to begin to start over, and I have spiraled downhill with him into a deep dark depression.
Just a little more info about us, we are both 25 and still living at home, trying to save up to start our lives together...or so I thought. I have never touched a drug in my life (other than cigarettes) I have never even smoke weed before in my life. I am just at a loss... My heart is broken and I feel like everything was taken from me. All I wanted to do is sit on my couch and stare into space. I'm sorry this post was long. Any insight would be greatly appreciated from anyone who wants to read my story
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 753
Jeez - that is a sad story and my heart goes out to you
I can't give you much advice afraid but I really wish you the best - I was always the addict (alcohol) but listening to the other side is a bit of a eye opener - so thank you for the post
Your young and bright - I guess you need to live your life and let him deal with his demons - I hope he realises what a fool he is and sometime in future it works out for you both whether together or not
Good luck and keep strong
I can't give you much advice afraid but I really wish you the best - I was always the addict (alcohol) but listening to the other side is a bit of a eye opener - so thank you for the post
Your young and bright - I guess you need to live your life and let him deal with his demons - I hope he realises what a fool he is and sometime in future it works out for you both whether together or not
Good luck and keep strong
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: san Francisco CA
Posts: 1
I'm sorry for you... My partner of 9 years became a meth addict 4 years ago and as a very hard time to stay sober. I do know how hurtful this kind of situation can be and I sent you all my courage!
Fabrice
Fabrice
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Posts: 21
Thank you both so much for your kind words. My heart is shattered. I had no choice but to let go. He needs to work on himself and I need to work on me. But it's a hard road. This is only 1/4 of the story. There is so much more but I didn't want to make everyone read too much.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 26
I feel for you indeed, & have been in your shoes except over & over for 9 years before the love of my life was found dead of a heroin overdose I was 25 when I met him & was very naive, believing he would get better. He went in & out of rehab. He stole from me, his family & friends. I estimate he spent $250,000 in the 9 years I was with him. Myself & our 3 kids were always living in poverty, no matter how hard I worked. Please move on & be thankful you won't be dragged into his out of control life any further. His poor parents unfortunately will have no choice. People used to give me such advice but we had children, he was a wonderful person apart from his drug problem & I had faith he would beat it. But unfortunately the problem is bigger than all the love he can receive. Life will get better for you, you are young & have plenty of new healthy people to come into your life. All is as it should be...
I was 25 when I met him & was very naive, believing he would get better. He went in & out of rehab. He stole from me, his family & friends. I estimate he spent $250,000 in the 9 years I was with him. Myself & our 3 kids were always living in poverty, no matter how hard I worked. Please move on & be thankful you won't be dragged into his out of control life any further. His poor parents unfortunately will have no choice. People used to give me such advice but we had children, he was a wonderful person apart from his drug problem & I had faith he would beat it. But unfortunately the problem is bigger than all the love he can receive. Life will get better for you, you are young & have plenty of new healthy people to come into your life. All is as it should be...
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Posts: 21
Wow. My heart truly goes out to you Bondi. I could not imagine finding him dead. That was my number 1 worry after I found out he was using. Mine was a wonderful man, aside from his addiction. I always said I wish I had half the brain he did. He was so smart. I give him some credit for me doing so well in college because he helped me through it. I can't imagine the heartache you went through, that is so devastating. :'(
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 26
On Monday it will be 14 years since our world changed forever...I have drowned my sorrows in alcohol since then which is why I am on this site. I would hate for anyone to go through what I did, the betrayal, the lies, frustration, then nothing...I am sure he is a wonderful man as was mine however heroin is evil & it's a very long road....if he ever beats it he may come find you, but even then...they relapse. Have Strength, wish him love & luck but you have your own healthy man to find 
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
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I am so sorry. I hope you find the help that you need too. You sound like a wonderful lady. Keep your chin up. You can talk to me if you ever need to. My heart goes out to your children as well. I couldn't imagine... 
Your story really gave me some insight and I thank you for that. I am so glad I found this site, and I will be going to counseling for myself next week because I need help too. I need to recover so I can pick up my life and move on.
Your story really gave me some insight and I thank you for that. I am so glad I found this site, and I will be going to counseling for myself next week because I need help too. I need to recover so I can pick up my life and move on.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
I am so sorry to hear about all this. But I can say I am glad you found out now, and didnt get married or have any children together. The damage really is just your emtions..
I can only speak for him or the alcoholic addict part.. I would say leave me, move on. You are to young for this and dont deserve it. I am not ready to get clean if I am still using and lying. It will only get worse if you stay and enable me to do so.. Also you really never knew me, just the person I wanted you to see, until my addiction keep progressing and I stole from everyone.
So pray for me for I am sick with a disease , know that I truly didnt mean to do these things in my heart. But you must save yourself and go free and you will move on and find someone else that will love and cherish you..
I (me now) was the alcoholic addict, and nothing I mean nothing was going to get me better until I wanted to give it a honest try for me.
I wish you the best , the best thing you can do is live for you ... :ghug3
I can only speak for him or the alcoholic addict part.. I would say leave me, move on. You are to young for this and dont deserve it. I am not ready to get clean if I am still using and lying. It will only get worse if you stay and enable me to do so.. Also you really never knew me, just the person I wanted you to see, until my addiction keep progressing and I stole from everyone.
So pray for me for I am sick with a disease , know that I truly didnt mean to do these things in my heart. But you must save yourself and go free and you will move on and find someone else that will love and cherish you..
I (me now) was the alcoholic addict, and nothing I mean nothing was going to get me better until I wanted to give it a honest try for me.
I wish you the best , the best thing you can do is live for you ... :ghug3
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Posts: 21
Thank you so much India! What an amazing Post. Deep down I know thats what he is thinking. Or if he had a clean mind and was looking from and outside perspective and saw what it was doing to me. Hearing that from an addicts prospective really helps. Thank you for such wonderful advice! :ghug3
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Very sorry to hear that you were blindsided in this way. My husband got caught up in opiate use also, pain meds after a sports injury and surgery. Took a while for me to realize that when the doctor was having him tapering down, he was actually tapering up & then started buying from his friends at the office and experimenting with other drugs. I had a little more warning, but nothing ever prepares you for it. I know there must be so many emotions that you are experiencing right now.
First thing I want to say is please remember you are not responsible for his actions so don’t allow yourself to feel guilty for protecting yourself from the craziness that heroin use brought into your relationship. Unless he stops using, the situation would only continue to get worse.
My husband and I actually separated for almost a year when he was using. It was because of his behavior. From lots of stories that I have read, my case was mild compared to some; but he was still staying out late with his friends, lying, we would argue. It was not the kind of marriage that I wanted. How I found the courage I don’t know, but I told him several times after arguing that if he wanted to live like he was doing, then he needed to go and do it, and when he was done then he could come back and we would see where we stood. He was still working during all this, so he was able to afford a place to live.
After he came home, asked for help and entered rehab is when I found SR. The good thing to remember about your ex is that he did go through 28 days and hopefully he gained some knowledge about his addiction, and what it takes to overcome it, so when he is ready to stop again, he knows there is help available to him.
Nothing I say can really ease your pain right now I don’t think. Let the emotions out, and lean on your family and friends, and when that isn’t enough pour it all out here on SR as there are many who understand. Time will help. You did a brave thing by stepping back out of the craziness. My husband said I was in self preservation mode when we separated. He was right.
Time will tell what happens with your ex. There is hope for recovery, many stories right here on SR are proof of that. My husband is now 8+ months clean, and we are back together with our little boy.
Sending good thoughts your way; try to take care of yourself right now, all the basics: sleep, eat healthy, get some exercise - as the stress can really sneak up on you. You will get through this and come out even stronger !
First thing I want to say is please remember you are not responsible for his actions so don’t allow yourself to feel guilty for protecting yourself from the craziness that heroin use brought into your relationship. Unless he stops using, the situation would only continue to get worse.
My husband and I actually separated for almost a year when he was using. It was because of his behavior. From lots of stories that I have read, my case was mild compared to some; but he was still staying out late with his friends, lying, we would argue. It was not the kind of marriage that I wanted. How I found the courage I don’t know, but I told him several times after arguing that if he wanted to live like he was doing, then he needed to go and do it, and when he was done then he could come back and we would see where we stood. He was still working during all this, so he was able to afford a place to live.
After he came home, asked for help and entered rehab is when I found SR. The good thing to remember about your ex is that he did go through 28 days and hopefully he gained some knowledge about his addiction, and what it takes to overcome it, so when he is ready to stop again, he knows there is help available to him.
Nothing I say can really ease your pain right now I don’t think. Let the emotions out, and lean on your family and friends, and when that isn’t enough pour it all out here on SR as there are many who understand. Time will help. You did a brave thing by stepping back out of the craziness. My husband said I was in self preservation mode when we separated. He was right.
Time will tell what happens with your ex. There is hope for recovery, many stories right here on SR are proof of that. My husband is now 8+ months clean, and we are back together with our little boy.
Sending good thoughts your way; try to take care of yourself right now, all the basics: sleep, eat healthy, get some exercise - as the stress can really sneak up on you. You will get through this and come out even stronger !
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by itsvally13 
I am so sorry. I hope you find the help that you need too. You sound like a wonderful lady. Keep your chin up. You can talk to me if you ever need to. My heart goes out to your children as well. I couldn't imagine... Your story really gave me some insight and I thank you for that. I am so glad I found this site, and I will be going to counseling for myself next week because I need help too. I need to recover so I can pick up my life and move on.
Your story really gave me some insight and I thank you for that. I am so glad I found this site, and I will be going to counseling for myself next week because I need help too. I need to recover so I can pick up my life and move on.Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Posts: 21
allfor I just saw your first reply. Not sure how I missed it lol. Your story sounds heartbreaking as well. I can relate to you buy reading some of these stories and I think to myself "wow, it could be so much worse." it eases the pain a little, but not by much. It is not healthy for us to be in a relationship right now. No matter how much we love each other. Sad thing is, through his whole addiction he always treated me like a queen even though he was probably fogged do to the pills and eventually heroin. The only thing he hurt me with was when he started to steal my money. That is why this is such a big shock to me. Because he always made me feel like I was number one, until I realized I really wasn't. He was so good at hiding it. Congratulations on your husband's sobriety! That is the only thing I wish for for mine, together or not.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
My heart goes out to you, what a tragic story. You are in a very real grief process, and your self awareness will help you get through this, but self awareness still doesn't protect us from the pain.
I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. So I will share a bit from that perspective, take it for what it's worth.
First I want to reassure you that his drug use has nothing to do with you. His stealing from you, as awful as it is, also has nothing to do with you. We get bizarre when in the grips of active addiction. Sometimes we justify things with bizarre "logic" other times we are past the point of even trying to justify anything. We are like animals, reacting. Like a mother who would steal bread for her starving child, we feel that desperate. It sounds like a big fat excuse, and I am NOT excusing it, just trying to explain that in the grip of addiction we feel that desperate, as if our very life/sanity everything is dependent upon getting that next fix. It's not that we THINK that way, it's as if we are beyond thought. We get to a point where nothing else matters. We want those other things to matter, work, friends, loved ones, our old past times, but they become lost to us, like paper dolls we once played with, but we can't quite touch them anymore. The only thing real is the pain we feel if we even think our next fix might be out of our reach.
Recovery and rehab are very very shaky until we learn some life skills for coping substance free. We get off the substance but the animal like fear of life/pain etc hasn't worn off. We still feel the need, the agitated anxiety is still there. For many heroin/opiate users a half way house is a necessity. A place to live semi protected, semi controlled until we feel ready to face the world again.
seeing the damage we've done is another thing that is so hard to face, and often sends us scurrying, shame faced back to drug use, feeling like what's the use, we are worthless, we cannot ever be in a good relationship again.
Unfortunately until we've reached OUR rock bottom (it's different for each person) we won't stop. Until the discomfort and loss caused by using are so painful that we are willing to experience the pain of quitting, we won't quit. And unless you've gone through withdrawal, and had to face putting your life back together naked, raw, terrified and beaten...it's hard to understand why a person allows themselves to go so far, and so low.
So far, after a number of relapses, I've been willing to do what it takes to stay sober and face life, but honestly, I am not sure I am willing to go to any lengths to stay sober and face life. I want to be there, but in my mind I still have reservations.
I am 47 yrs old, a year off drugs and 9 months off booze. I have a genius IQ, am a talented writer and artist. I've been a teacher, a librarian, a public speaker. I've raised three kids. I achieved many of my goals in life and have done a ton of great things. Still, I got lost in addiction/alcoholism. It's an affliction without boundaries.
Take care of you. You cannot get him clean. You cannot make him recover. Those are, in the end, choices he must make. There is help available to him on all levels when he is ready to make that decision for himself.
I am glad you found this community. For privacy reasons, I could understand you might not care to direct his family members here, but there are other resources for family of people mired in addiction that you and they might benefit from. There are links to some on this site, and probably some in your local community as well.
I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. So I will share a bit from that perspective, take it for what it's worth.
First I want to reassure you that his drug use has nothing to do with you. His stealing from you, as awful as it is, also has nothing to do with you. We get bizarre when in the grips of active addiction. Sometimes we justify things with bizarre "logic" other times we are past the point of even trying to justify anything. We are like animals, reacting. Like a mother who would steal bread for her starving child, we feel that desperate. It sounds like a big fat excuse, and I am NOT excusing it, just trying to explain that in the grip of addiction we feel that desperate, as if our very life/sanity everything is dependent upon getting that next fix. It's not that we THINK that way, it's as if we are beyond thought. We get to a point where nothing else matters. We want those other things to matter, work, friends, loved ones, our old past times, but they become lost to us, like paper dolls we once played with, but we can't quite touch them anymore. The only thing real is the pain we feel if we even think our next fix might be out of our reach.
Recovery and rehab are very very shaky until we learn some life skills for coping substance free. We get off the substance but the animal like fear of life/pain etc hasn't worn off. We still feel the need, the agitated anxiety is still there. For many heroin/opiate users a half way house is a necessity. A place to live semi protected, semi controlled until we feel ready to face the world again.
seeing the damage we've done is another thing that is so hard to face, and often sends us scurrying, shame faced back to drug use, feeling like what's the use, we are worthless, we cannot ever be in a good relationship again.
Unfortunately until we've reached OUR rock bottom (it's different for each person) we won't stop. Until the discomfort and loss caused by using are so painful that we are willing to experience the pain of quitting, we won't quit. And unless you've gone through withdrawal, and had to face putting your life back together naked, raw, terrified and beaten...it's hard to understand why a person allows themselves to go so far, and so low.
So far, after a number of relapses, I've been willing to do what it takes to stay sober and face life, but honestly, I am not sure I am willing to go to any lengths to stay sober and face life. I want to be there, but in my mind I still have reservations.
I am 47 yrs old, a year off drugs and 9 months off booze. I have a genius IQ, am a talented writer and artist. I've been a teacher, a librarian, a public speaker. I've raised three kids. I achieved many of my goals in life and have done a ton of great things. Still, I got lost in addiction/alcoholism. It's an affliction without boundaries.
Take care of you. You cannot get him clean. You cannot make him recover. Those are, in the end, choices he must make. There is help available to him on all levels when he is ready to make that decision for himself.
I am glad you found this community. For privacy reasons, I could understand you might not care to direct his family members here, but there are other resources for family of people mired in addiction that you and they might benefit from. There are links to some on this site, and probably some in your local community as well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Posts: 21
Thank you threshold. Very helpful information. I did tell his aunt about the website this morning. I'm wondering if I should attend aa/na meetings? I wonder if I could find any help there. I want to find info on how to rebuild my life but I'm a little hesitant to attend.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I'm so sorry to read your story...(you write very well BTW). all I can offer is to tell you that it's a terrible thing to endure, but you can't be in a 3-way with this guy, the addiction will always win and you'll be left out in the cold. He will choose the drugs over you until he is ready to recover. You deserve to be treated well, not drained of your hard earned $$.
I hope you tell him in no uncertain terms that he will make the monetary restitution. Why should you suffer financial hardship while sits around in rehab and lies to everyone.
(BTW, I'm the alcoholic, recovering 19 months...my X had a gambling addiction....living together for 4 years I never knew either).
you sound very smart and sensible, you will get through this, stay close to your true friends, family that loves you and away from him and his parents. His problems don't belong in your life. they will drag you into a terrible cycle.
I hope you tell him in no uncertain terms that he will make the monetary restitution. Why should you suffer financial hardship while sits around in rehab and lies to everyone.
(BTW, I'm the alcoholic, recovering 19 months...my X had a gambling addiction....living together for 4 years I never knew either).
you sound very smart and sensible, you will get through this, stay close to your true friends, family that loves you and away from him and his parents. His problems don't belong in your life. they will drag you into a terrible cycle.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Posts: 21
Thank you, Fandy! and congratulations on your sobriety! His father already paid back the money in full that he stole. It's a shame it had to be his father and his hard earned money, however we would have never seen it again if it were up to my ex. It's the sad truth unfortunately
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