Name says it all and am confused... shouldn't be here...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
When someone's drowning in anxiety, how can they turn away from the only thing that gives them a respite and a sense of relief?
If you're really serious about tackling your anxiety, please go see your Dr, ashamed.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 54
Hi kiddo.
No one is forcing you to call yourself an alcoholic. It makes no difference *at all* the words you use to describe yourself or your actions.
What matters is what you do. Whether you drink or not, whether you are destructive or not, whether you control yourself or not. That's the issue. You can call it anything you want.
This is what I think about your situation. I think that what you're doing -- drinking to that kind of excess, is actually less alcoholism and more something like russian roulette. You may have an extremely high tolerance in that you can drink 68 beers without passing out but the fact is anytime you drink like that you have a fairly reasonable chance of dying from it. Just because your liver worked fine to process that amount of poison once does not guarantee it will do again. In fact the opposite is true -- the more you damage yourself, the less you'll be able to physically tolerate without a serious, possibly life threatening consequence.
You're going to die from this one day if you keep it up, whatever you call it and however it is you explain it.
If you can't stop this on your own, go get some professional help. I know that sounds expensive and hard, but if you don't stop -- you're gonna die, kid. You break into people's houses after drinking 70 light beers, one day you're going to drive off a bridge or hit a bunch of kindergartners in your car.
Stop. And if you can't, get help. Before something really bad happens.
No one is forcing you to call yourself an alcoholic. It makes no difference *at all* the words you use to describe yourself or your actions.
What matters is what you do. Whether you drink or not, whether you are destructive or not, whether you control yourself or not. That's the issue. You can call it anything you want.
This is what I think about your situation. I think that what you're doing -- drinking to that kind of excess, is actually less alcoholism and more something like russian roulette. You may have an extremely high tolerance in that you can drink 68 beers without passing out but the fact is anytime you drink like that you have a fairly reasonable chance of dying from it. Just because your liver worked fine to process that amount of poison once does not guarantee it will do again. In fact the opposite is true -- the more you damage yourself, the less you'll be able to physically tolerate without a serious, possibly life threatening consequence.
You're going to die from this one day if you keep it up, whatever you call it and however it is you explain it.
If you can't stop this on your own, go get some professional help. I know that sounds expensive and hard, but if you don't stop -- you're gonna die, kid. You break into people's houses after drinking 70 light beers, one day you're going to drive off a bridge or hit a bunch of kindergartners in your car.
Stop. And if you can't, get help. Before something really bad happens.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by ashamedtobehere 
Well, I'm awake.
I realize I have a drinking problem. Not an 'addiction' mind you, in the classic sense to the chemicals and drugs at work - I have an addiction to 'excess.' I think it's more mental then anything - I've been suicidal and I think I'm just trying to 'snuff out my own mind' when I drink. I try to get out of this head that's always a swirling mess of chaos.
I've been trying meditation, yoga and herbal teas lately to try and stop a lot of my anxiety. I'm poor, live in a very rural area and there's not many resources out there for me to address what I think is a psychological issue in what I've self-diagnosed as GAD. I think the alcohol ties into that. It's not just alcohol though, any drug I've done(I don't do drugs, once a year maybe, I'm stringent on that) I do in excess. I do all things to an extreme.
I would rather blow my own brains out though then be labeled an 'alcoholic.' In my life, having lived through murder, abuse and suicide due to alcohol, for me to have followed down that road is inconceivable. It wouldn't be a physical disease at that point it would be a weakness of spirit and lack of will.
I'm a binge drinker = that's literally a textbook definition of what I am. It's a problem for me. But I can't seem to put the beer away for good, any longer then a period of a month. I'll go a month, get insanely drunk and do HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE things and then be sober for a month.
I'm tired of black out nights, waking up and thinking, 'Oh god, who do I have to apologize to.' I've had enough of those nights that in recent days, I just tell people, 'It wasn't me. A drunk person isn't a truthful person; it'sa mutant version of someone's mind. Nonsense flies out of me when I'm drunk."
I just wish I could drink alone - I never get to. Maybe if I just drink by myself once a month, I'd be okay. I couldn't upset anyone or hurt anyone, I'd have no regrets in the morning in how I behaved. That's my true issue with binge drinking - the shame you have at having been 'someone else.' Someone you hate. I have a lot more problems going on then just this - again I'll lay money I've got a concrete mental illness that I can't overcome and can't get help for. Only medicine that provides relief I have access to is good ol' beer.
When someone's drowning in anxiety, how can they turn away from the only thing that gives them a respite and a sense of relief? It's the day after I hate; the day of drinking I love. When I am drunk and I've stripped away all that was me; I'm happy. I'm happy to not be me anymore; it's a wonderful escape out of a caged mind.
I realize I have a drinking problem. Not an 'addiction' mind you, in the classic sense to the chemicals and drugs at work - I have an addiction to 'excess.' I think it's more mental then anything - I've been suicidal and I think I'm just trying to 'snuff out my own mind' when I drink. I try to get out of this head that's always a swirling mess of chaos.
I've been trying meditation, yoga and herbal teas lately to try and stop a lot of my anxiety. I'm poor, live in a very rural area and there's not many resources out there for me to address what I think is a psychological issue in what I've self-diagnosed as GAD. I think the alcohol ties into that. It's not just alcohol though, any drug I've done(I don't do drugs, once a year maybe, I'm stringent on that) I do in excess. I do all things to an extreme.
I would rather blow my own brains out though then be labeled an 'alcoholic.' In my life, having lived through murder, abuse and suicide due to alcohol, for me to have followed down that road is inconceivable. It wouldn't be a physical disease at that point it would be a weakness of spirit and lack of will.
I'm a binge drinker = that's literally a textbook definition of what I am. It's a problem for me. But I can't seem to put the beer away for good, any longer then a period of a month. I'll go a month, get insanely drunk and do HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE things and then be sober for a month.
I'm tired of black out nights, waking up and thinking, 'Oh god, who do I have to apologize to.' I've had enough of those nights that in recent days, I just tell people, 'It wasn't me. A drunk person isn't a truthful person; it'sa mutant version of someone's mind. Nonsense flies out of me when I'm drunk."
I just wish I could drink alone - I never get to. Maybe if I just drink by myself once a month, I'd be okay. I couldn't upset anyone or hurt anyone, I'd have no regrets in the morning in how I behaved. That's my true issue with binge drinking - the shame you have at having been 'someone else.' Someone you hate. I have a lot more problems going on then just this - again I'll lay money I've got a concrete mental illness that I can't overcome and can't get help for. Only medicine that provides relief I have access to is good ol' beer.
When someone's drowning in anxiety, how can they turn away from the only thing that gives them a respite and a sense of relief? It's the day after I hate; the day of drinking I love. When I am drunk and I've stripped away all that was me; I'm happy. I'm happy to not be me anymore; it's a wonderful escape out of a caged mind.
What I HAVE found helpful--and I have GAD myself--is to learn better ways of coping with my life than drinking. It is true that alcohol and drugs have an illusory "instant fix" effect when you're using them, but in the long run I found that they were basically ruining my life and my health. I had to break that cycle. Here is what I did:
1. I used peer support. Like you, I did not care for AA and after a long attempt to make it work for me, I gave up on it and found SMART Recovery, which is a much better fit for me (no labeling is used, in fact people are encouraged NOT to use labels...and it's available online, which is great for rural folks).
2. I got psychological and psychiatric treatment. I did a lot of talk therapy in conjunction with medication (a low dose of a generic SSRI works wonders for me).
3. I take care of my physical health, including eating a good diet and getting regular exercise (sounds silly, but it is amazingly effective).
Bottom line: You do not need to live this way. You have options. Please do not get so hung up on that labeling thing: just don't do it. But do something, because life is too short to live it like you're doing now.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Ashamed, I'm glad you found SR. You may not be ready for the realities of your relationship with alcohol yet, but we'll be here to support you when you are.
I don't think you have to label yourself an alcoholic either. You already know it's a problem in your life, and you sound like you want to stop the cycle. For what it's worth, I was a binge drinker too,and never did things like you've described but still knew I had a problem. If you regularly drink and turn into a mean, suicidal maniac it sounds like it's pretty out of control and is an accident, tragedy, or arrest waiting to happen. I can tell you I couldn't cut back, or moderate, or limit the alcohol successfully. It was easier to not have any at all-who knew?
I don't think you have to label yourself an alcoholic either. You already know it's a problem in your life, and you sound like you want to stop the cycle. For what it's worth, I was a binge drinker too,and never did things like you've described but still knew I had a problem. If you regularly drink and turn into a mean, suicidal maniac it sounds like it's pretty out of control and is an accident, tragedy, or arrest waiting to happen. I can tell you I couldn't cut back, or moderate, or limit the alcohol successfully. It was easier to not have any at all-who knew?
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 536
Watch this if you get the chance. It's called Rain in my Heart. This convinced me I don't want to be that way anymore. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP0InrPZpjg
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