Virg

I decided I want to get sober, and I know that nobody said it was easy. This is the first Friday sober in so long that I can't even remember when the last time was that I didn't drink on a Friday night, probably a long time ago, and purely out of some responsibility that prevented me from drinking. Since getting out of work, I have already made dinner, taken a long walk, bought a new book, went to the coffee shop and had a cup of tea and came home with fresh ground coffee to drink in the morning.

But all night I have been feeling very tense. I took a long hot shower to try and relax, but I am still on the edge of my seat with anxiety. While I am sitting here, trying to read, I keep having vivid almost hallucinations of myself picking up a beer and drinking it. Probably because any other Friday night I would be at least a six pack deep right now, and it almost seems like a reflex and then I look down and realize I am not drinking. I even reached once or twice for where a beer would normally be unwittingly.

I don't know, I guess there is no point in this, other than to vent...I am determined to make it through the entire weekend without a drink, and I feel Monday morning will be a big milestone for me. And I am trying to look forward to that and relax, but it is hard...

TTBABP

Virg - a little ealrier tonight I posted on another thread that all I could think of was how much I wanted a glass of red wine! I could almost taste the Chianti. We understand how hard it is. Just keep trying - it must get easier. I'm going to go make my 3rd cup of tea for the evening.

bloss

When I first stopped drinking, I would just keep putting off the drink for short periods of time, like an hour, sometimes that's all I could do. But, it helped. Just take it easy, try to let the thought slide by, not dwell on it. There are a bunch of good threads here to read, helps take the edge off. Take care.

Virg

Yes, I think it will get easier. I realized tonight how impatient I am with everything. I want everything to speed up and be completed without having to patiently follow through. ANd I realize this is a problem with me, and probably part of the reason I drink in the first place, because it is compulsive and instantly effective.

Thanks for being around and commenting

sugarbear1

put water in a cup and place in fridge. walk to fridge and take a sip every once in a while, it will help you with the former behavior of getting a beer and lifting it up....

graduate to a cup of water next to you....

artsoul

Hang in there, Virg - it won't always be this way!

I'd forgotten, until you mentioned it just now, about reaching over automatically for my drink (and expecting a wine glass) when I first got sober. When we're drinking, it really does get more and more compulsive as we go - I hardly had to think about drinking and I was digging in my purse for car keys.

Remember all those thoughts are just that: thoughts. They don't die out right away, but each time you don't act on one, it gets a little weaker. Something to try when you get anxious: focus on your breathing, and take a dozen slow and steady breaths. Just keep pulling your mind back to the moment and your breath. It really helps.....

Delilah1

Hi Virg,

The first two or three Fridays were the hardest for me, it is getting easier, and you will feel amazing on Monday, and will be proud of yourself.