browny

Sunday night drunk, didn't get up Monday to take my six year old to school, who spent the day saying poor mum and cuddling me for being 'poorly'. Started to develop a bladder infection by the evening, a regular occurance after lots of booze, its agony but dosent put me off drinking, rang aa from pure shame and guilt and went to a meeting last night. Want to stop drinking. Got home and bf had poured all my wine down the sink. Spent all night awake with bladder infection. Bf had to take my son to school today and get him ready, much to his annoyance as its my fault I'm ill, while I went to doctors for anti-biotics. This is not the life I want for me and my family. Im detemined I dont want to drink, but Im scared as soon as I feel better (maybe tomorrow) I will think its ok to have some more. Have arranged to go to another aa meeting tomorrow to avoid the booze. How did I get here?

SamuraiPoodle

We've all had that "how did I get here?" moment. It think it's a prerequisite to the recovery process. Your fear of drinking again as soon as you feel better is also a common thread. We've all failed that test. We've all done things we are very, very, very not proud of. And we've all had to make peace with our past (something that can't be done until you're sober).

So that was kind of the crappy part. The good part is that you see you have a problem and you know this problem can be fixed.

You are worth the effort it will take to fix his.

ewo

Welcome Browny! You can post in the Dec. 2012 thread. I'd love to hear more about your AA meetings! I'm considering attending one. Today is my day 2! And today is your day 1! Congratulations!!

IndaMiricale

Same way we all did, one drink after another..

But the good thing is its only today to worry. Dont worry about feeling better tomorrow.. Just worry about not drinking TODAY

But it is good that it concerns you about feeling better. When I ever relapsed it wasnt because I was HALT hungry,angry, lonely , or tired. Which are big triggers for some. But when I felt great and everything was going to well. I got to well to fast..

You can be free, I hope you go right back to the meeting.. AA saved this alcoholic from myself.. I went every day and still do.. I am now addicted to my meetings.. LOL..

IndaMiricale

Sorry and WELCOME aboard.. Keep reading and posting..

Natom

It doesn't really matter how you got here. But the good news is that you are here. And the only way out from the bottom is up.

cfm

Do yourself a favor. Don't put a question mark where God has put a period.
Get a sponsor, get a home group, get active. The rest will take care of itself. The mind that created the problem is not the mind that can fix it.

rainyengland

hi - welcome

we all got here by the same way - big mistake! - BUT..the upside is your here,your doing something about it and your going to meet new friends on the way !

good luck - it will get easier - remember the bad days and they will make you a stronger and better person

TTBABP

What I try to think now instead of "How did I get here?" is "How do I get out". I am new to the process but the first advice I have gottten from most is make a plan to change things. You are not alone.

browny

What does 'Don't put a question mark where God has put a period' mean?

cfm

It means it is what it is.............AA is not a program of analysis. It is a program of action. It does no good to ask why? Ask how do I fix it...............You were once a cucumber. You've been turned into a pickle. You can never go back to being a cucumber. When you start to analyse to many things to long, you start suffering from paralysis by analysis. A drink is right behind, because then you get poor me, poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.

Dee74

Hi browny - welcome

What I think cfm was trying to say is action is more important than analysis right now.

That was certainly my experience, anyway

It doesn't really matter how you or I or anyone got there - although I know it's natural to think on that...

the really important question, and the one I recommend you act on, is what are you going to do to get out of 'there' now?

D

dragon12

Well done for getting to AA and soon returning. Fantastic that your BF is so supportive and with such a lovely 6 year old you have so much to stay sober for.

Caledonia1

Welcome Brownie and I can honestly feel the pain you're going through, especially with a wee one.

You've made a brave first step and I wish you all the strength to maintain your soberiety.

Please read and post as much as you like. You'll get lots of cmfort, support and advice.

2granddaughters

Get to as many meetings as you can. Embrace AA. It will likely save your life.

All the best.

Bob R

BruceJ

Unlike many, you may have had your patoot kicked just bad enough to start a wonderful way of life. So many are out there dying because they are still trying to be in control.

Don't worry about the future and getting drunk. Just don't take the first drink. After all, when we get ran over by a train, it's not the caboose that kills us.
Go to meetings, listen for the similarities....you'll do fine.

All the best.