whatsgoingon

Hi All,

And to all those who celebrate .. Merry Christmas!!!

This for me has got to be the toughest time of year. I have got two works parties to get through, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years Eve. They are like the mother of all drink fests.

I am currently 3 months sober (yeah! go me!).

I have absolutely no intention of drinking but I am worried about Christmas because the whole of the festive period is centred around drink and its stressing me out.

I almost feel like I'm going to have to hide until its all over.

I dont want to come across as a killjoy to my family, friends and work colleagues. I dont want people to question why I'm not drinking. I want to be able to enjoy Christmas without feeling guilty or the odd one out.

I love Christmas and I cant wait to spend time with my wife and kids. I want to go to the parties and have fun but I am stressing about them. Everyone will be there drinking and making fools of themselves and I'll be sober. Will I enjoy the parties? Is there any point going?

Being sober should not limit my life should it?

On Christmas day when my mum, dad, sister etc are having a glass of wine what am I going to feel like? What will they think of me?

Dont know why, but Christmas is causing me a headache at the moment.

Thoughts please.

Cleopatra1

hiya sneeker,,, i too had thoughts bout how im gonna cope with xmas,, but im lucky i guess, all my family are not big drinkers and they know that i am totally sober now,,, but then i thought,, well it doesnt matter anyhoo,, i choose to be sober now and froever,, so why care what they think? on a nice level,, if ya get my drift,,, you can enjoy xmas,, and be sober,, like someone said to me they other day,,"at leats yr gonna remember it " lol
so,, keep strong,, your 3 mnths is too cool,,, to lose,,, best to be honest with them , they can only admire your strenght at the end of the day,, if not ,, then,,,, sod em lol
good luck and keep posting
lv x cleo xxxxx

neferkamichael

Sneeker, 3 months sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. I'll be 2 years 6 months sober on the 10th, and I'll make through the holidays for the second time. So will you. Merry Christmas.

rainyengland

Good going on 3 months ! :-)

I'm only 11 days but ultra committed this time !

I have decided to tell a little white lie this Christmas to help get me through - I'm on antibiotics for whatever and can't drink - will still go to parties,show my face ,have a laugh then get the hell out of there before it gets a mess !

Good luck and merry Christmas :-)

pipparina

Sneeker,
You'll make it through, and it won't be near as bad as you are thinking it may be. First, a lot of people don't drink to excess at these parties. We just think they do because we did. My first set of holidays sober were a bit awkward, but it was me, not other people, making me feel that way. My family didn't really care whether I was drinking or not (and they are big drinkers), as long as I didn't expect them to cut back.

I always made sure I had a non alcoholic drink, usually in a wine glass, so it did not look odd. Most of the time it was cranberry and club soda, which looks festive.

New Year's was harder for me. I felt like a beacon when it was midnight and everyone was toasting with champagne. But again, I had my club soda and toasted like everyone else.

You'll get through it.

whatsgoingon

I guess this is pretty true. Most of my worries and hang ups are in my head.

Thinking back to when I was drinking, I was not really interested or bothered if someone else did not drink unless it affected my drinking. At Christmas time the drinkers of the world will have lots boozing buddies to keep them company so the fact I wont be drinking wont make much difference to them. At least thats what I hope! I just dont want to appear rude when I turn down a drink and I dont want people to question me. I'll be driving as much as I can this Christmas so I will have a legitimate excuse not to drink.

Living sober does seem to cause me stress from time to time. Most of it self inflicted. I need to get over these thoughts, as Susan Jeffers once said , Feel the fear and do it anyway, to hell with what people think.

pipparina

you're going through all your "firsts". Each one is a challenge to do sober, but you'll be stronger on the other end.

I had to learn to dance again sober, date sober, etc etc. Now I can no longer imagine drinking and being out of control. The thought scares the heck out of me. It is so nice knowing exactly what I did and what I said each day.

Xune

I suspect for the majority of people, Xmas celebration isn't centred around drink, rather the drink is just there.

For persons with addiction to alcohol, the mere fact that alcohol is present, triggers a thought that the entire celebration is about alcohol...even if it is not.

If drink actually is the centre of the celebration, I simply would not attend.

Sasha4

For you and me, Christmas is all about my baby daughter and your children this year and booze (or dirty juice as we call it in our house) will play no role in it.

Stand firm. However, I have 295 days today and in all honesty a few people asked why I have not been drinking, but there has been no pressure, just a few interested questions and a few 'good for you's".

My standard line is I have not drunk for x amount of days and I am determined that I am not going to drink for a year.

In fact, if anything, most people want to see me achieve my goal and do not want to put temptation in my way.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I know you will feel a personal accomplishment when you manage christmas without booze and can say you did it for you and your wife and your kids. Really, booze should play no part in Christmas in my mind. Especially when you have babies.

Xxxx

Dalek1

Is it just me, or do other people find it very empowering to be the only one in a room not drinking.

I'm about to go to a big party housed in a bar of all places. I may offer my services as designated driver for those that have too much. I'll be sipping on water and/or a soda getting a kick out of watching others getting drunk.

bryangt

Maybe plan on how you will deal with these parties. #1--do you really have to be there...(if it is not family related or high risk atmosphere). #2-have a standard comeback--"I stopped drinking for health reasons" (or whatever) #3-have an escape route if things get to risky (have a back up place to be...family members or sick friend or have to get up early..not feeling well.) I know being honest is important. My first Christmas sober a friend asked me why I wasn't drinking...and I replied "I stopped drinking". He asked why & I replied..."it makes my eyes red and I fall down"...and that was the end of it.

Fandy

I've found that no one really CARES if I am drinking or not. I do the seltzer or club soda with a splash of cranberry and a slice of lemon too...(great minds think alike Pipp)...I drag along a couple of bottles of seltzer to dinner as i would bring wine previously.

and on several occaisons...people see my drink, ask what it is, and say..."oh that sounds GOOD, I think I will have one too".....they mostly look at booze from the calorie viewpoint, not the chug-chug viewpoint.

FreeFall

I find it helpful to really think "big picture" when it comes to holidays and special occasions. Things like "it's one night-do you really want to screw up
120 nights for literally a few hours of possible fun with a longer headache the next day?" "What is the real purpose of the occasion?" Putting the focus where it belongs helps. "Will it be a better experience overall if I'm drunk or sober?" If you answer honestly sober wins every time.

You might find that it feels good to be the driver, or at least be able to offer. It feels good to have money to spend on other tangible things. You may be relieved you're not the one wearing the lampshade and pissing everyone off lol

People that don't have issues with drinking really aren't concerned about your drinking habits. Your friends who want their drinking buddy back will be the biggest challenge, but they will come around and be supportive once they know you're serious.

Hevyn

Hi sneeker. You already have some helpful comments. I just want to say congratulations on your 3 months - that's wonderful! Also, on planning ahead and anticipating what it might feel like to attend those get togethers. You're going to be prepared. You're doing great!

dragon12

Congratulations on 3 months sober.....fantastic!! You must be feeling so pleased with yourself.

Christmas will be challenging for many of us. I would just like to say thankyou to everyone who made suggestions on how to get through this period. I will certainly be using some of your strategies.

miko67

Me too. Nice thread