Hi Everyone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 4
Hi Everyone
New here and first time I've ever joined any forum. I guess I'm feeling desperate to change finally.
So, I'm 29 and determined to make steps to sorting my life out by the time I turn 30. I started drinking heavily about 2-3 years ago when I split up with my partner of 11 years. I'd say over the average week I drink around 4 litres of vodka. Some weeks none at all (not many of them) and sometimes up to 7 litres on a bad week.
I feel that I drink mainly due to boredom and loneliness when I'm on my own. Which is very often. And also for courage because I'm very shy and have got in a trap of 'needing' a drink to leave the house, be in public, get to work, go anywhere where people are like the cinema for example.
Somehow I have managed to keep my job (which I hate, its a truly awful soul destroying job in a call centre) AND my new partner who I've been with for 3 years and live with. BUT I've put on a lot of weight going from a size 12 to a 16 which fair enough isn't massive but I feel hideous and ashamed. I also feel generally ill and tired a lot and I feel disgusted with myself most days so I really need to change.
Thought I was doing well yesterday and had no drinks until about 9pm but I then continued until I fell asleep and started again at 5am this morning until I got to work. So had a full litre of vodka in those 12 hours. Never felt drunk at any point or had any hangover effects but I still felt guilty as hell when the other half noticed how much I'd had
Apologies for the massive post!
So, I'm 29 and determined to make steps to sorting my life out by the time I turn 30. I started drinking heavily about 2-3 years ago when I split up with my partner of 11 years. I'd say over the average week I drink around 4 litres of vodka. Some weeks none at all (not many of them) and sometimes up to 7 litres on a bad week.
I feel that I drink mainly due to boredom and loneliness when I'm on my own. Which is very often. And also for courage because I'm very shy and have got in a trap of 'needing' a drink to leave the house, be in public, get to work, go anywhere where people are like the cinema for example.
Somehow I have managed to keep my job (which I hate, its a truly awful soul destroying job in a call centre) AND my new partner who I've been with for 3 years and live with. BUT I've put on a lot of weight going from a size 12 to a 16 which fair enough isn't massive but I feel hideous and ashamed. I also feel generally ill and tired a lot and I feel disgusted with myself most days so I really need to change.
Thought I was doing well yesterday and had no drinks until about 9pm but I then continued until I fell asleep and started again at 5am this morning until I got to work. So had a full litre of vodka in those 12 hours. Never felt drunk at any point or had any hangover effects but I still felt guilty as hell when the other half noticed how much I'd had
Apologies for the massive post!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Welcome Cassie. Not massive - a good and honest post. You are very self-aware and know what needs to be done. I wish I'd been that wise at 29. I went on for decades - determined to manage my drinking. That never happened, and my life became hell.
When I joined SR I was amazed at the number of people who felt just like I did. I thought I was all alone with the problem. No one in my life truly understood what I went through. Not feeling alone helped me so much. I'm glad you've reached out. You can do this, Cassie.
When I joined SR I was amazed at the number of people who felt just like I did. I thought I was all alone with the problem. No one in my life truly understood what I went through. Not feeling alone helped me so much. I'm glad you've reached out. You can do this, Cassie.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Welcome Cassie,
You took a rally positive step today. When I decided to quit (and really meant it) i madde an appointment with the chemical dependency unit through my insurance. I saw a doctor, counselor and attended an education series. I am still seeing the counselor every two weeks and also have attended various support meetings, and lots of exercise in place of alcohol. SR has been my biggest support.
Speend some time reading and posting and figure out what will best help you on your journey to sobriety. Also if you enjoy reading check out Anna's thread.
Looking forward to seeing you on here.
You took a rally positive step today. When I decided to quit (and really meant it) i madde an appointment with the chemical dependency unit through my insurance. I saw a doctor, counselor and attended an education series. I am still seeing the counselor every two weeks and also have attended various support meetings, and lots of exercise in place of alcohol. SR has been my biggest support.
Speend some time reading and posting and figure out what will best help you on your journey to sobriety. Also if you enjoy reading check out Anna's thread.
Looking forward to seeing you on here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
I would pay a visit to your Doctor, tell him everything honestly and ask him for help.
4 Litres of vodka a week, is 132 oz's.
25 ounces is equivalent to 17 standard drinks. You were drinking a minimum of 85 standard alcoholic drinks a week.
That is a lot of alcohol, not considering that sometimes you say you add another 99 oz's.
You really should see a Doctor today while you start your detox. I say this, as you really were consuming a very, very, very large amount of alcohol and alcohol withdrawal can be life threatening.
Just so you know, the medical communities general consensus, is that 14 standard drinks a week for men, is the maximum safe amount.
Lastly, I was told that upwards of 65 standard units a week is the average amount people consume who arrive at in patient treatment.
Facts About Alcohol Game | The Cool Spot
Welcome, congratulations and I wish you well. There is lots of support around here and you should take a look at the different ways you can get help to stop drinking.
4 Litres of vodka a week, is 132 oz's.
25 ounces is equivalent to 17 standard drinks. You were drinking a minimum of 85 standard alcoholic drinks a week.
That is a lot of alcohol, not considering that sometimes you say you add another 99 oz's.
You really should see a Doctor today while you start your detox. I say this, as you really were consuming a very, very, very large amount of alcohol and alcohol withdrawal can be life threatening.
Just so you know, the medical communities general consensus, is that 14 standard drinks a week for men, is the maximum safe amount.
Lastly, I was told that upwards of 65 standard units a week is the average amount people consume who arrive at in patient treatment.
Facts About Alcohol Game | The Cool Spot
Welcome, congratulations and I wish you well. There is lots of support around here and you should take a look at the different ways you can get help to stop drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 4
Thanks guys. I do really need the reminder that what I'm drinking is actually a lot because sometimes I think maybe its not THAT bad. Though I'm aware I'm kidding myself. I think I give myself that idea because sometimes I manage to not drink for a while. Maybe 2 or 3 weeks at a time and I just stop, and the only real symptom I get is finding it hard to sleep. And I tell myself that because I'm not sick or shaking or anything else then I must be OK and not really have a problem after all.
I soon realise that i'm wrong about that though when I tell myself I can just have one drink one night for courage or whatever then turns into another couple of months of drinking every day before, during and after work.
I'm guessing if anything its actually just more to do with the fact that I'm 29 and "only" been drinking heavily for 2-3 years. Before then, I barely drank at all. But then that's just guessing.
I soon realise that i'm wrong about that though when I tell myself I can just have one drink one night for courage or whatever then turns into another couple of months of drinking every day before, during and after work.
I'm guessing if anything its actually just more to do with the fact that I'm 29 and "only" been drinking heavily for 2-3 years. Before then, I barely drank at all. But then that's just guessing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
Just to let you know...I stopped for an entire month in 2011 and have since found out, that a lot of problem drinkers stop for periods of time.
" I stopped, I must not have a problem...now I can drink again!.'
That is a trick the addiction plays on addicts.
" I stopped, I must not have a problem...now I can drink again!.'
That is a trick the addiction plays on addicts.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,345
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
I wish I'd been that wise at 29.
Cassie - Hevyn is soo right - you have beat me by decades with your revelation - good for you.
With regard to weight gain I get that too. Instead of drinking find some sort of workout you like - or if like me there's no workout you like - find one that is bearable.
I wish you so much success - keep checking in.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 145
Hey Cassie. I'm with you. Super shy, drank because I was bored and lonely, couldn't leave the house unless I drank, hated the job I have since lost etc...
Easier said than done but now is just one of those times where you/we need to look down at 2 perfectly functioning legs, get off our @sses and even if it's just walking around the block once just to get out of the house/our heads and more so because we can. i hate when people tell me..."well...look at what you do have...some people don't have that"...I hate to admit it though it is true. I'm only at day 8 so don't think I have anything on ya. All the best. We can do this.
Easier said than done but now is just one of those times where you/we need to look down at 2 perfectly functioning legs, get off our @sses and even if it's just walking around the block once just to get out of the house/our heads and more so because we can. i hate when people tell me..."well...look at what you do have...some people don't have that"...I hate to admit it though it is true. I'm only at day 8 so don't think I have anything on ya. All the best. We can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 4
I wish so much I could be "normal" and just drink now and again. Its taken a while to realise that's highly unlikely. I just don't know how I'm going to manage some things at all without the booze to help me. For example the last time I went to the doctor I had to drink a fair bit just to make it there because I'm so embarassed to be seen in public or talk to anyone I don't know well face to face.
Suppose the immediate plan is to cut right down by cutting out all the drinks I have just for the sake of it when I'm bored. Because they probably account for over half of it all. And are definitely the ones I can live without more easily. At least until I can see the doctor anyway.
Suppose the immediate plan is to cut right down by cutting out all the drinks I have just for the sake of it when I'm bored. Because they probably account for over half of it all. And are definitely the ones I can live without more easily. At least until I can see the doctor anyway.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 4
Haha, it makes no odds at all but it just occured to me that being British I meant I'm now a UK size 16, i'm aware thats a lot smaller than a US 16. See, now that just typical of my constant embarasment and self hatred that I feel the need to point this out just incase anyone is judging me as bigger than I really am! How lame am I? AS IF ANYONE CARES! That just me though, far too critical but very honest at least....
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