ewo

I thought I already posted but I couldn't find it anywhere. Anyway, I am trying to quit drinking again. I was on here back in March of this year but I was unsuccessful. I really hope this time works because I cannot stand this tug of war with alcohol. I just want it to be over. I don't want to waste another minute buying alcohol, drinking alcohol, recovering from alcohol hangover. I'm just so sick of it all. I want to spend time with my kids. I want to be a good role model for them. I want to pay attention to life. I want to be aware of the things that are happening in my life and the things that are happening around me. I'm sick of being in an alcohol induced cloud. I wish there was a magic pill to take because I hate the thought that I will most likely not succeed and will have to do this all over again. I'm very tired with it. Thanks for listening to my rant.

MrsKing

By believing that you will most likely not succeed and will have to do it all over again, you are almost setting yourself up for that fate. There is no law which states you are bound to fail. If you believe you will most definitely succeed and never have to do this again then you will succeed in this, because you are allowing yourself no option of drinking ever. If you take the option out of the equation then you will not drink.

There is no magic pill, but you can make this as easy or as difficult as you like.

ewo

I totally get what you are saying. I'm just annoyed by my past failures at quitting. I'm a very strong-willed hard working person so why should I be any less at my attempt to quit drinking? I know what I need to do. I just hope I actually do it this time. I was so sure of myself during my last attempt. Sorry. I do not intend to sound hopeless. I just don't want to go into this so gung-ho as I did last time because I think being too sure of myself is what set me up for failure last time. This time I need to be aware that I could fail, so I need to work harder at not failing. I hope that makes sense.

I also meant to ask in my original post - are there any posts on here giving advice on how I could talk to my kids about my drinking? I want to be honest with them about it but I'm not sure how to go about talking to them about it...

Anna

You must believe you will succeed and that drinking is not an option. Then your mind will begin to work in healthier ways. I completely relate to the feelings of exhaustion that you have mentally and physically. I was the same. It was truly a relief to finally stop drinking. Know for sure that you can do this.

TTBABP

Good Luck.

ewo

one more question: does the anxiety and depression ever go away? I'm not sure if I drank because of anxiety & depression or if the drinking caused the anxiety & depression...any thoughts on that?

bunny1961

for me a combination of both. 33 days sober and now on meds for anxiety and mild depression. With no alcohol...

escapist

I don't know if all of your anxiety and depression will go away completely. There are some of us here who still deal with it BUT (a big but) drinking makes those symptons worse.
I was open with my kids about my problem. Every family is different.

Hollyanne

Ewo,
A couple of things,
1) Recovery is not "an event". You didn't fail, you keep at it until you no longer drink.
2) I am not a parent, but depending on your children's age, I would be careful not to burden them with too much information about this.
3) The depression and anxiety may be a result of drinking. The only way you can find out, is by quitting for a while and allowing your body to "normalize".
Then, you can work with a doctor/counsellor/ psychiatrist to figure out what is going on.
4) you are a strong personality, nothing at all to do with it. I can tell you that it is often harder for people who are successful in other areas of their lives to beat this, because it is so much about "Letting go", and NOT being able to control our emotions.
It is a life change. We have to change so much about how we think, how we act, how we look at other people.
What works in other things, goes against us when trying to recover.

I would suggest, keeping this super simple.
Read here on SR. Read the stickies.
Get an understanding of this thing called addiction.
Would you consider AA?
I suggest AA, as it is so widespread. It makes a huge difference to talk with people who understand you. Non alcoholics cannot understand this.
Whether you like it or not, Alcoholism IS INSANITY.
But, there is hope. Many do recover!

You did not fail. You are not done. You are not alone.
Keep going. Keep trying.
Sorry for the ramble!

jobei

Hey you! I am so happy to see you back here!!! In the March 2012 class we were all wondering about how you were doing. Please drop back in there and say hi and keep us posted on how you are! You were one of the first people that I talked to on here and your messages really meant a lot to me!

The depression and anxiety WILL get better, I promise this. While they may never go away completely, drinking makes them a lot worse. When I was struggling to quit, many people with lots of sober time would tell me "It WILL get better." At the time it seemed like a cliche that many people just said but now I am realizing that it is true! Hope you are doing well today my friend and I'm here if there's anything you'd like to talk about!

Hollyanne

Just a couple of things.

If you want to read your old posts,
Click on your name "ewo", you will be able to click on "old posts" or "threads started by ewo".

Also, regarding the depression/anxiety, that is called "the fear" in my circle.
We would huddle around each another after a big session, and comfort each other.
This is only practical as young and single, not when you have to get up and be a parent etc.

I don't think it is pointed out enough, that as we become concerned and start to consider stopping, the obsession increases+++++ and we often increase the drinking at the beginning. I am one who has said to myself,
"heck, I am drinking more now than ever! What good is this doing?"
That is why it is good to know that this is common.
I am quit now for over 2 years! But, I OFTEN think of drinking.
I quit before for 2 years and the obsession was gone, but this led me back to drinking.
I now know, that I am alcoholic and will be forever.
Could be a lot worse. As a recovering alcoholic, I am forced to change big time. It is a good thing, I needed to change.
Childish, selfish, selfpitying........Yuck!

Xune

Your rant is filled with self doubt and wishful thinking. You cannot will an addiction into submission.

You can however choose to surrender and give up on fighting alcohol, by choosing to not drink.

Drinking no longer is an option...ever!

I didn't hope I stopped for good! I surrendered, admitted defeat and stopped for good!

I am not hopeful in my recovery, I am certain in my recovery.

I don't hope to stay away from alcohol, I will stay away from alcohol.

Re-tool your thinking processes and you may very well find true power from within.

The best part, is you don't have to do it alone.

'I hope I succeed.'

NO.

'I will succeed!! My family and my life depends on it!!'

( Caveat, I have suffered from severe OCD for all of my adult life and so yes, I know a few things about anxiety.)

You can do this!

hypochondriac

I can't tell you how pleased I am to see you back here Ewo! I really missed you when you disappeared from class of March. Your positive posts really helped me at a time when I felt really rubbish. Please do pop back into the March thread

Things do get better but it takes time. Get some support and come back here often

MIRecovery

So what what is your plan to stay sober? What are you going to do different this time?

ewo

Well, I think this time I'm not going to make up excuses to friends and family. That was really hard for me. I ended up just avoiding everyone in order to not have to explain to everyone all the time why I wasn't drinking. And in return, I ended up feeling like an outcast. It would be so much easier if everyone around me just accepted the fact that I no longer want to drink. But that's usually not good enough. I would get hounded about it, "why aren't you drinking? You're boring! Let me buy you a drink! No? How about a shot?" I'm sure many of you have been in that situation before!! Some people just don't understand why anyone would NOT want to have a drink. It got tiresome having to explain or come up with excuses - even if my excuse was "I'm not drinking because I drink too much when I do and it's effecting my health."

Hevyn

Welcome back ewo! I remember you well. Glad you are back and more determined this time.

I know how you feel - at the end of my drinking career I was fed up, too. Exhausted from trying to hold on to it, trying to control it. It ended up being so much easier to just kick it out of my life. I can't go back - I know I won't survive another round. Wishing you a wonderful new life. We know you can do it.

jobei

Amen!

CopDoc

I always thought about quitting and always wanted to quit drinking. I would wake up hungover, say I am not drinking tonight, think that all day, but on the way home pick up a liter of vodka. Some nights while I was falling down drunk I even knew I wanted to quit, so I would dump whatever I had left and hope I wouldn't buy it the next day. I always did. Until this time. I am only on day three, and I will likely have many days like you are now going though ahead, but taking the steps to stop drinking, to not drink on day one, two and now three, I have no doubt that I will not drink again. I know its up to me, and I have made my mind up. Hope you find the strength to stick with it, deep down I am sure you know that you can, so focus on that strength! Good luck and stay strong!

cat1961

Hey ewo!

Your other post was in the December thread:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-2012-a.html

Please pop in daily and share how you're doing with the rest of us in the December Club

Your original OP sounds exactly like me being sick and tired of EVERYTHING. I've made the decision that I can't drink in order to keep my life in tact. On Day 3 here and already feel good about myself and the ability to get out and conduct a normal day without depending on alcohol.

Stay strong and best of luck to you!

Beeliz

Just tell yourself,,it's over. your old ways,your hangovers,cloudiness is all over and done. Make this your new life,and never look back,from this minute on. I told myself that there's no choice now, I WILL do this,and my life will not rely on alcohol anymore.it's over. It's easy to fail when you enter a battle with no weapons. I did it before many times,,but I'm fully armed now,and there's no turning back..I pray the same for you