The start of my journey
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 28
The start of my journey
Hello everyone,
I wanted to post my story - I guess as a way of me openly admitting I have a problem and helping me to understand what I am going through but also to seek any advice people have.
I have always been a pretty hardcore drinker but much in the sense of a binge drinker. I wouldn't tend to drink in the week but come the weekend I would make up for it. I am based in the UK and we have a reputation for drinking and I lived up to it. I would get myself in some pretty silly situations, but nothing ever took serious.
But this year, many years of things have taken a turn for the worse. I came out of a 3 and a half year relationship which meant I was forced to move home. The relationship was co-dependant and it torn my heart out and did nothing for my self-esteem. Last year my Mother has a serious nervous breakdown and 18 months on she is only finally recovering. To top this all off my business was causing me a great deal of stress.
Things got so bad that it has moved into drug taking, meeting total strangers for sex, sometime unprotected, and drink driving. Actions which I obviously feel terrible about the next day. This morning was what I felt is the final straw as I took a drug which made me pass out and during the night was sick. Luckily someone was with me and whilst I did not choke I dread to think what might have happened.
I have been very open and honest with some very close friends who have been excellent support but I feel I need to abstain from alcohol given I would not be partaking in such risky behaviour sober! I am seeing a therapist and we've been exploring the option of cutting down but I really can't see that working.
Thanks for listening, and please so easy on me
I wanted to post my story - I guess as a way of me openly admitting I have a problem and helping me to understand what I am going through but also to seek any advice people have.
I have always been a pretty hardcore drinker but much in the sense of a binge drinker. I wouldn't tend to drink in the week but come the weekend I would make up for it. I am based in the UK and we have a reputation for drinking and I lived up to it. I would get myself in some pretty silly situations, but nothing ever took serious.
But this year, many years of things have taken a turn for the worse. I came out of a 3 and a half year relationship which meant I was forced to move home. The relationship was co-dependant and it torn my heart out and did nothing for my self-esteem. Last year my Mother has a serious nervous breakdown and 18 months on she is only finally recovering. To top this all off my business was causing me a great deal of stress.
Things got so bad that it has moved into drug taking, meeting total strangers for sex, sometime unprotected, and drink driving. Actions which I obviously feel terrible about the next day. This morning was what I felt is the final straw as I took a drug which made me pass out and during the night was sick. Luckily someone was with me and whilst I did not choke I dread to think what might have happened.
I have been very open and honest with some very close friends who have been excellent support but I feel I need to abstain from alcohol given I would not be partaking in such risky behaviour sober! I am seeing a therapist and we've been exploring the option of cutting down but I really can't see that working.
Thanks for listening, and please so easy on me
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
Welcome BritishGent (I'm known for going easy ). We are so happy to have you here.
I'm glad you are reaching out and seeking to save yourself from disaster. At the end of my drinking career, every time I picked up it led to danger and an unpredictable outcome. I had to stop all together, since trying to control it never worked for me. I tried for many years.
Keep reading and posting - you are not alone.
). We are so happy to have you here.I'm glad you are reaching out and seeking to save yourself from disaster. At the end of my drinking career, every time I picked up it led to danger and an unpredictable outcome. I had to stop all together, since trying to control it never worked for me. I tried for many years.
Keep reading and posting - you are not alone.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi BritishGent
I think a lot of us did some risky, if not stupid things back in the day - the important thing is what we do now I think
There's a lot of support here - check out our Class of December thread for others also quitting this month
Welcome!
D
I think a lot of us did some risky, if not stupid things back in the day - the important thing is what we do now I think
There's a lot of support here - check out our Class of December thread for others also quitting this month
Welcome!
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 649
Welcome to SR BritishGent!
You've come to the right place for support and sounds like you have a lot going on.
I've been sober from alcohol for 2 days now so probably not the expert in your department. Although I have to question the relationship with the therapist. " I am seeing a therapist and we've been exploring the option of cutting down but I really can't see that working."
Personally, and I can vouch for many people here, that cutting down just isn't feasible. It's all or nothing for me so I choose tossing it all out. The problem with cutting down is that you are still a prisoner with the drug and/or alcohol and will always be dependent in one way or another.
Again, I choose to give it all up and not have something controlling my life. Trust me, life will get some much easier for you without the dependency of something(s) controlling you.
Stick around here and you'll get tons of support from some really awesome people for suggestions. Again, welcome and glad you joined SR.
You've come to the right place for support and sounds like you have a lot going on.
I've been sober from alcohol for 2 days now so probably not the expert in your department. Although I have to question the relationship with the therapist. " I am seeing a therapist and we've been exploring the option of cutting down but I really can't see that working."
Personally, and I can vouch for many people here, that cutting down just isn't feasible. It's all or nothing for me so I choose tossing it all out. The problem with cutting down is that you are still a prisoner with the drug and/or alcohol and will always be dependent in one way or another.
Again, I choose to give it all up and not have something controlling my life. Trust me, life will get some much easier for you without the dependency of something(s) controlling you.
Stick around here and you'll get tons of support from some really awesome people for suggestions. Again, welcome and glad you joined SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by cat1961 
Welcome to SR BritishGent!
You've come to the right place for support and sounds like you have a lot going on.
I've been sober from alcohol for 2 days now so probably not the expert in your department. Although I have to question the relationship with the therapist. " I am seeing a therapist and we've been exploring the option of cutting down but I really can't see that working."
Personally, and I can vouch for many people here, that cutting down just isn't feasible. It's all or nothing for me so I choose tossing it all out. The problem with cutting down is that you are still a prisoner with the drug and/or alcohol and will always be dependent in one way or another.
Again, I choose to give it all up and not have something controlling my life. Trust me, life will get some much easier for you without the dependency of something(s) controlling you.
Stick around here and you'll get tons of support from some really awesome people for suggestions. Again, welcome and glad you joined SR.
You've come to the right place for support and sounds like you have a lot going on.
I've been sober from alcohol for 2 days now so probably not the expert in your department. Although I have to question the relationship with the therapist. " I am seeing a therapist and we've been exploring the option of cutting down but I really can't see that working."
Personally, and I can vouch for many people here, that cutting down just isn't feasible. It's all or nothing for me so I choose tossing it all out. The problem with cutting down is that you are still a prisoner with the drug and/or alcohol and will always be dependent in one way or another.
Again, I choose to give it all up and not have something controlling my life. Trust me, life will get some much easier for you without the dependency of something(s) controlling you.
Stick around here and you'll get tons of support from some really awesome people for suggestions. Again, welcome and glad you joined SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by TTBABP
I've done many stupid things but I am very concerned for your safety BritishGent. PLease be careful
Autobrew Anon Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 599
bg, this certainly is a place where you can be honest. a lot of us have been thru things you describe. i hope you do take better care of yourself esp with unprotected sex. std's are something you don't need. and there are a lot of nasty "bugs" out there nowadays.
bravo on seeing where you are clearly and deciding to do something about it. please keep coming here and posting.... i doubt anyone will be too harsh with you! i've found SR to be a very welcoming place. be sure to scout around the posts and see what has worked for others to give you some ideas and direction.
bravo on seeing where you are clearly and deciding to do something about it. please keep coming here and posting.... i doubt anyone will be too harsh with you! i've found SR to be a very welcoming place. be sure to scout around the posts and see what has worked for others to give you some ideas and direction.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Massive hand up in the air from me as someone who has done risky, ridiculous things when drinking.
So no judgment from me.
I just wanted to welcome you to our community and hope that you continue to share and learn here.
So no judgment from me.
I just wanted to welcome you to our community and hope that you continue to share and learn here.
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
BritishGent, I can relate a lot to your story. Especially about drinking to excess, being ashamed of the things you did while drinking or using, and doing things you probably promised yourself you would never do.
Alcohol and drugs consume us. They become a necessity for everyday living. For me, I couldn't have imagined going a day without drinking or using SOMETHING. I was always needing something to "take the edge off" or "help me unwind." I have done and taken many dangerous combinations of drugs that could have very easily killed me. One time I woke up in a pool of my own blood after drinking a bottle of vodka, taking a bottle of prescription anxiety pills, then passing out and gashing my head on the nightstand (needed a few staples that time). How I woke up later with all the blood loss is still beyond me. Be glad your friend was around. You dodged a bullet there.
This is a great place to start. Read around and see if you notice any similarities in your story and behaviors with some others here. People here can offer almost infinite wisdom and knowledge on the subject, but chances are you are probably have figured out that you do not react like normal people when you put intoxicants in your system.
The support offered here has helped many people, please be one of them and STAY. At the very least, try to post something each day to help someone else out. Even a hello or word of encouragement can go a long way. Getting out of my own mind helps me find inner peace in a way I would never have imagined.
God Bless.
Alcohol and drugs consume us. They become a necessity for everyday living. For me, I couldn't have imagined going a day without drinking or using SOMETHING. I was always needing something to "take the edge off" or "help me unwind." I have done and taken many dangerous combinations of drugs that could have very easily killed me. One time I woke up in a pool of my own blood after drinking a bottle of vodka, taking a bottle of prescription anxiety pills, then passing out and gashing my head on the nightstand (needed a few staples that time). How I woke up later with all the blood loss is still beyond me. Be glad your friend was around. You dodged a bullet there.
This is a great place to start. Read around and see if you notice any similarities in your story and behaviors with some others here. People here can offer almost infinite wisdom and knowledge on the subject, but chances are you are probably have figured out that you do not react like normal people when you put intoxicants in your system.
The support offered here has helped many people, please be one of them and STAY. At the very least, try to post something each day to help someone else out. Even a hello or word of encouragement can go a long way. Getting out of my own mind helps me find inner peace in a way I would never have imagined.
God Bless.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,031
Welcome BritishGent,
Glad you are here, you will find lots of great support and advice here. I would definitely spend some time reading around and come up with a recovery plan that will work for you. I have kind of taken bits and pieces from different plans and I check in here daily to keep myself accountable, to see how everyone else is doing, and to hopefully support people just starting out. I am closing out day 52, so still in early sobriety, but the longest I have been sober since having my son five years ago.
Looking forward to getting to know you on here.
Glad you are here, you will find lots of great support and advice here. I would definitely spend some time reading around and come up with a recovery plan that will work for you. I have kind of taken bits and pieces from different plans and I check in here daily to keep myself accountable, to see how everyone else is doing, and to hopefully support people just starting out. I am closing out day 52, so still in early sobriety, but the longest I have been sober since having my son five years ago.
Looking forward to getting to know you on here.
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