If I was ever gonna drink again it would have been today.
If I was ever gonna drink again it would have been today.
I didn't, but if I was gonna it would have been today. I briefly considered it, just that fantasy kind of thing. It was a $hitty day at work, the kind that used to send me off to the liquor store for extra booze. I just reached a point of anger and frustration where part of me briefly said "F**K IT!" and didn't care any more.
Of course, it doesn't take my higher brain long to talk my lower brain down off the ledge. It's a rational conversation/ process:
I should walk out of this (^&*% job!
Okay, genius- walk out. Whatcha gonna do for money? Will the next job better?
Er, okay I won't quit. But I'm gonna get drunk!
Fine, get drunk stupid. Then you'll be angry and hung over too.
No, I never came very close to slipping. Just noticing that days like this were the ones where I generally gave myself permission to take the kid gloves off and drink until I passed out.
Of course, it doesn't take my higher brain long to talk my lower brain down off the ledge. It's a rational conversation/ process:
I should walk out of this (^&*% job!
Okay, genius- walk out. Whatcha gonna do for money? Will the next job better?
Er, okay I won't quit. But I'm gonna get drunk!
Fine, get drunk stupid. Then you'll be angry and hung over too.
No, I never came very close to slipping. Just noticing that days like this were the ones where I generally gave myself permission to take the kid gloves off and drink until I passed out.
I love this ^^ Well done! I have found it feels really powerful to have those f**k it moments and not act on them. And then I notice things getting better within hours, rather than immediately spiralling downwards. It feels impossible the first few times it happens but it really is possible to have a really bad day and stay sober and be happy about it There's nothing so bad that a drink can't make worse x
I wish I had that power a couple months ago when my Internet kept going down whilst attempting to work. I had quit drinking for a week then had these issues that sent me over the edge. Weakness set in and since I had felt so good being a week sober, I decided to go on a beer run. Wrong decision since I drank every day since.
Now I'm on Day 2 sobriety and plan to stick with it. No matter how much stress we endure, it's not excuse to give in to the alcohol.
~ Be safe and sober ~
Now I'm on Day 2 sobriety and plan to stick with it. No matter how much stress we endure, it's not excuse to give in to the alcohol.
~ Be safe and sober ~
I am living in a new town in a huge 1900's house that is a challenge at most every turn. Driving to the store for the umpteenth time in two days yesterday evening I noticed the main street bar was open. Conversation with brains went like this:
LB - Ahhh...cozy little bar - neon OPEN sign....
HB - And??
LB - could pop in and have a drink or two. No one knows I'm an alkie here.
HB - Nope, they sure don't. Bet you could break your record and be the town drunk in, oh, lets say 60 minutes. Sounds like a freaking fantastic start to your simplistic, serene new life. Let's get it on!
LB - Oh, chyt, nope, not a good choice. Wait, I'm the dumber half of this operation!
HB - Mission accomplished - get your a$$ to the store for that chicken and get to cookin, chef. Good choice - you're learnin!!
Made me feel so smart!! ;-) Good job for riding the tide, MOS - we done good!! Hugs, NBC
LB - Ahhh...cozy little bar - neon OPEN sign....
HB - And??
LB - could pop in and have a drink or two. No one knows I'm an alkie here.
HB - Nope, they sure don't. Bet you could break your record and be the town drunk in, oh, lets say 60 minutes. Sounds like a freaking fantastic start to your simplistic, serene new life. Let's get it on!
LB - Oh, chyt, nope, not a good choice. Wait, I'm the dumber half of this operation!
HB - Mission accomplished - get your a$$ to the store for that chicken and get to cookin, chef. Good choice - you're learnin!!
Made me feel so smart!! ;-) Good job for riding the tide, MOS - we done good!! Hugs, NBC
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