courage2

So i blew it after 3 days. I can't use that as an excuse to blow it for the next X days, months, years. And i'm not sure that counting days is good for me, tho i probably will. and i'm not sure that i can't have a glass of wine at lunch with a friend next week, since i really don't dig wine anyway.

i hate rigidity -- i've always hated rigidity -- hey, i'm a good-time girl, y'know?

But i'm ready to admit that what i CAN'T do anymore is buy a bottle of gin and drink it alone, day in day out. that's the compulsion. that's what's doing me harm.

Am I November (tried for the first time) or December (trying again)?

Dee74

I'm not a fan of rigidity either but I had to accept that the only way I was ever going to change was to cut alcohol out of my life.

Whether it's one glass or ten, whether it's one of my favourite drinks or not, whether I get drunk or not - alcohol changes me & not for the better.

I had to accept that. Took me a long time and a lot of frustration and tears - I don't recommend the 20 years I spent on it, courage.

As for dates - everyone seems to have their own spin on it.

My sober date is the first day I was sober, it was the day my life changed, and I'm happy with that.

D

nogard

I could never have just one glass of wine and yep I had to quit completely.

My ex phoned me one evening in active addiction about 6pm and said your drunk already aren't you, I said no I have only had one glass and this is my second.

Yeah but the wine glass I had bought held a litre of wine!

That was my idea of just one or maybe two.

I had no respect for alcohol, never considered it a drug, was not in the same class that other drugs where and it stripped and dumped me sick and dying.

Just one glass of wine? My head would already be saying whats next before I started.

Grateful for such a lovely life.

courage2

I'm sorry -- i get you guys & realize that i probably can never drink at all -- but for a while, is it ok for me to take little steps? so as not to get overwhelmed? like today, not buying my own private bottle.... is that a useful step?

nogard

I think its great that your here and posting. May I suggest that you keep doing that

nogard

And the drink not drink thing is a personal choice I can only tell you how it was for me.

Dee74

I know it's scary.

best wishes to you in what you're trying to do, but cutting down or moderation never worked for me

Little steps didn't work.

All my good intent beforehand always went out the window when I drank - that's why it has to be nothing at all for me.

I'm either in the trap, or out of it...I can't be a just little bit caught...y'know?

D

freshstart57

With over 15 months since my last drink, I have come to know rigidity as what I used to do while drinking, day in, day out. Every day had the same schedule. Come to, start drinking until I pass out, pass out. Now that was rigidity.

Now, I get to do whatever the hell I choose, and I choose to have a full and present life with a good job, a family that is proud of me, and face I can look at in the mirror every morning. This freedom and the joy that goes along with it is what I know my life is supposed to be

You can have these things too, Courage. Keep posting, OK?

Fernaceman

I love seeing the promises coming true for people.

cat1961

Hi Courage and welcome to SR!

I have tried the moderation approach and it doesn't work for me. Still suffering through Day 1, I know Day 2 will be better and Day 3 even better. I'm tired of alcohol controlling my life and not being able to enjoy what life has out there for me.

Let's go forward with a life of sobriety!

TTBABP

Moderation has not worked for me either. I was going to have a glass of wine with dinner last night and wound up drinking a bottle and 4 7&7s and three shots of I don't even know what. I am on my Day 1 now. I wish you the very best and will look forward to more posts from you

Xune

Little steps just wouldn't work for me. I don't want one or two drinks...I want them all.

As a result, I choose not to have the first one and am much happier this way.

Pondlady

I tried moderation, but found it easier to quit drinking. When moderating I was planning on when I could drink, how much I should drink, how fast / slow, to drink etc. etc. etc. I stopped drinking last June...it is getting easier

Junebugapril

Hey Courage, I am sad that you had a drink. You can stay in any class you want, I think it would be great if you stuck with the Novembers, because I like having you there with us. If you don't like counting days, don't count days.

This is what works for me. I hate rigidity too. I do not want to feel like I can never have a glass of wine again. I love my wine. So I keep a bottle of wine in the closet. That way I know that if I ever really want to have a glass of wine, I can. I am not forbidden. It's my own decision, just for today, to stay sober. If I want a drink tomorrow, I can have one. That's what has worked for me for two weeks.

I did the same thing when I quit smoking. I kept a pack in my car. And I did have a couple of cigarettes, but after a few months I threw them out.

My way may not work for you. But I don't like the concept of "never" and "can't". It feels way too scary for me. I do like that it is my choice and I don't want to drink.

Hugs to you my friend,
JunebugApril

Hevyn

Hi courage. I'm afraid I have to agree that I had no control after the first drink. Took me 30 yrs. to finally get it - we just don't want you to go through what we did. The most important thing is for you to keep posting and sharing your feelings. We care about you and want to help.

nogard

Thats why I do it just for today, my choice not to drink or use today

freshstart57

Nobody promised me anything, Fernace. The only promise that came true was the one that I made to myself.

Thanks for that opportunity to clear that up.

courage2

Thanks everybody. I love SR! i'm back to day 1 but somehow feeling better about it. over 35 years of pretty much daily drinking, i'd never really tried to be sober before - except when i was pregnant, which seemed like not my choice. last week, i learned a few things--like i CAN survive without drinking, and if i slip, it doesn't mean forever, i can try again. May seem stupid, but i didn't really know either one.

Delilah1

Glad you are back today courage. It isn't easy, if it were we wouldn't need sites like SR and so many other supports to support us along this journey.

Have a happy Sunday!

cat1961

Hey Courage - glad you're going forward. I have to admit that it's so much easier and takes less effort to not drink than to exhaust all your energy figuring out how you're going to stay intoxicated.

I'm still feeling under the weather on Day 2 and would like to sleep the rest of the day and let this day be over. But, I must go forward and think positively how good life will be when these symptoms subside.

Hang in there!