Gemini

My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He has been arrested twice for OUI in the past two weeks (his first two arrests for anything). I see the person behind the addiction, and know he is a good man. I am a nonuser--totally sober. We have not been together that long (6 months) so this is all new to me. I'm not giving up on him now--I want to try to help him recover, though I understand (and he does, too) that unless he makes the commitment himself, it's not gonna happen.

What should I do to help him? What should I read? Who can I talk to? I feel wrenched and don't know where to start. He's at the county jail right now and will have his hearing this afternoon. I imagine that with two arrests in such a short time he is gonna get socked with at least some jail time and a big fine. I know we have to start with AA and Alanon for me (he was a member before and clean for years but started drinking again when his marriage broke up).

Please tell me where to start. I love him and want to help help but feel a nervious wreck right now and don't know what to do. Thanks in advance for your advice.

1_day@_a_time

You said it, get in touch with Alanon ASAP, and get involved! Now. It is an amazing group, and has helped me a great deal. Suggest you attend some speaker meetings first.

Try to understand there is nothing you can do, except help yourself!

Tom

Dan

http://soberrecovery.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=24

Get him in here too!

Dan, recovering addict

Gemini

Thank you both--can't tell you how good it is to hear from someone. I did tell him I found this site and he says he'll join. I believe he wants to stop; the question is can he find it in himself to do it...

1_day@_a_time

AND, can you find it in yourself to get involved for you?

Chy

Hi and welcome, you will find a great deal of support here. But if he joins you may want an alias ID, as I'm sure there are some things you wish to share and recieve support on that your not yet ready to discuss with him. Not many couples last to long around here when they are both trying to get support. I don't mean to discourage you just think this through. Though this is the best site for support there are others available.

1_day@_a_time

funny stuff Chy..........true!

Gemini

I will, yes. Right now it's all so new to me. I feel so naive because I had no idea what his drinking meant--the implications. I don't drink and no one in my family much did, so I don't really know what to expect though I'm here reading and learning now.

Right now I feel shell shocked. I'm waiting to hear from him--he's at his hearing now, and then decide what to do today. I don't even have a car at the moment because he has the keys with him.. I feel in limbo and am trying to figure out my next step while I read. I know I must have issues because I'm here and because I read what I'm saying. He never looked or acted drunk and he is not mean at all--he consistently acts very sweet and loving to me. And yet I know he is lying to me; I know I can't trust him and need to take care of myself. At this point I just want to get through today...

Gemini

Thanks for the welcome and the advice! I'll do that.

Chy

I am glad that didn't come across as rude or harsh. I just want you to be able to take care of you without anyone else looking over your shoulder so to speak. I can recommend other sites if he want's to get involved with online support.

Now get out of the house, go for a walk, and don't wait by the phone. Your going to have to take care of you if your going to help him take care of him. Good luck.

1_day@_a_time

It's a lot in the beginning, but you are here, and seeking assistance! THAT is huge.......if you can just find your way to Alanon, you will really be relieved!

For me, it's like coming home, I can so relate to all of it!

The people care, and will love you.......regardless!

Chy

BTW love your nick! I'm a Gemini as well and couldn't use that name when I signed on here. Must of been meant for you! *S*

Chy

Hi Dad!

1_day@_a_time

WHAT STEP YOU ON CHY? ..................hehe, Hi sweetie!

Gemini

Thank God, he got lucky. Because he has no previous record than what I mentioned here, the juge let him go with a suspended licence and counseling until his trial next month. He's on his way home now and we're going to AA and Alanon meetings asap--tonight or tomorrow, whatever we can find.

I'll be back here soon--God bless you people and God bless me and him--I'm at least smart enough to know whatever help and peace we find comes from Him as well as us. If he tries to help himself I'll stay--but first we have to get some rest (both slept about an hour in the past 24) and find those meetings!

And Chy, I'd love to hear about those other sites--prolly better if we have all the help we can find, huh? BTW, thanks for the Gem comment! I'm May 31; how about you?

Peace to you all till then...

G.

1_day@_a_time

Gemini, Not much came up for a search in Bangor Maine for Alanon, but here a couple of phone numbers I found.

Hope this helps!

(207) 947-2075

(207) 941-0879

(207) 941-8000

Thanks for keeping us updated, and hope things go well for both of you.

T

In memory of miracle

I just want to welcome you to sober recovery! You have two of the best helpin you! Keep the faith! prayers goin out to you!

Gemini

Thank you--appreciate the welcome and I'll take every prayer I can get! We're talking and he's sober. We poured the wine and beer down the kitchen sink and are going to meetings tomorrow morning. He says he realizes he was cut a major break and understands that if he screws up, he's in big big trouble. One day at a time.

Dan

I hail from "The having been cut a major break" class of 2003. I am happy for you both.
DD

Gemini

Thank you Dan. We're feeling rather blessed at the moment, in spite of everything and knowing there's a long road ahead--a lifetime of road. Best of all, he told me tonight that I must "take care of myself first," and he needs my help, but very much wants me to go to Alanon. But first, about two hours of sleep between us both, so 7 pm and we're about ready to crash. Be back soon. Best to all.

G.