arhat

It seems now that the only way to save my marriage is let my wife feel that my swear to quit drinking is legally obliged.

Is there some kind of document we can sign that states if I drink again, she can divorce me right away and I have to agree to leave without taking any share of our assets?

I only hope such legal document can prove to her how serious I am to stop drinking for ever. But first, does this sort of thing exist in the first place?

Thank you very, very much for any input.

suki44883

We can't give out legal advice. You should contact an attorney.

onlythetruth

I'm an attorney, here to tell you that you need to see an attorney. There is no way that I or anyone else here can advise you on that.

I am glad you are serious about quitting, though! That is the way to be.

arhat

Thank you, guys. I didn't know it's against the rule to seek leagal advice. Actually I was not looking for advice. I just want to know if an attorney can help us prepare such documents, meaning such documents do exist. Pls delete my post. Sorry for the trouble.

Dee74

There is actually no 'no legal advice' rule

I do think the advice here is good tho - if you want to know your options I think it makes sense to talk to a professional, arhat

D

awuh1

Here is a tidbit of information you might want to consider. One of the two founders of Alcoholics Anonymous (Bill W.) made pledges (more than one) to his wife to stop drinking, and wrote them in the family bible. It did not work. It turned out that he needed a bit more than his will power alone to stop. That’s not true for everyone, but it is for many, including myself.

Tiredman

Seems that if it is at that stage it might be too far gone?

DrunkTx

Although admirable, your iron clad commitment is to the wrong person. Peace comes from and is focused within. If you and your wife are truthful and honest with one another, then this type of gesture - although powerful is not relevant or adequate.

I often tell my wife, god forbid if I ever cheated on her, giving her the money and assets would be easy - and would almost be forgiving my conscience. The real commitment is not to lose my wife.

DoubleBarrel

There might not be a forum rule, but in most places in the US, giving legal advice is illegal if you aren't an attorney, and you can also be sued for it. So there IS a rule, for many of us.

Dee74

Thanks for the heads up.

There's nothing in this thread that remotely qualifies as legal advice tho, so we're good

D

sugarbear1

IMG_20120513_180312.jpg

KissMyTiara

Anyone can give advice on anything. It's only illegal if you misrepresent yourself as a lawyer if you aren't.

sugarbear1

Sorry that was large! I happened to take a pic of the framed "Page of Pledges" that Bill wrote to Lois when I was answering phones at the intergroup office.

It's going to take a lot for your wife to trust you again. We've apologized and made promises and vows not to drink again, only to constantly break them. It's why amends is not saying, "I'm sorry," but it is about putting ourselves in others' shoes and trying to see things from their perspective...

It will take a long time for us to regain trust from others, especially loved ones. It just is this way. My friends with decades of continuous recovery are still making amends in many ways. Read the Family and Friends Forum.

It can be done. It will take time. We must show our loved ones that we are serious.

I really wish you well on your sober journey.
With great love and hugs,

DoubleBarrel

With all due respect, I've been in the legal field for 12 years, and giving legal advice without being a lawyer is practicing law without a license.

1The jurisdictions that have adopted a definition of the practice of law are: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Idaho, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Utah, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, and Wyoming. "2004 Survey of Unlicensed Practice of Law Committees," monograph, American Bar Association, December 2004.

2The jurisdictions that have adopted a definition of the practice of law by supreme court rule are: Alaska, Arizona, District of Columbia, Idaho, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Mississippi, Nebraska, Utah, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, and Wyoming. "2004 Survey of Unlicensed Practice of Law Committees," monograph, American Bar Association, December 2004.

Maylie

I'm in law school and the biggest thing they ram into your brain whenever you ask a question is "it depends".

For someone to give you accurate advice he/she would have to fully know your story, the laws in your state, etc.

Instead of making promises show her with your actions. Our words have lost much meaning for the most part, its all about changing within and staying sober. Once you have done that, she will see that you are serious.

Xune

Giving a lay opinion / advice on any subject matter, legal or otherwise is protected speech under the 1st amendment.

In any event, when producing your quotes, it would have been helpful if you had also provided the actual codified definitions of what those states determine the practice of law to be.

arhat

Thank you all, really. Esp. Dee, you are as kind as always. The title is misleading, sorry. I just wanted to know if such legal document exists or not. I actually have contacted some lawyer's offices. But since it's already Friday afternoon, I have to wait for their callback. As TX points out, the real commitment comes from within and hopefully from the bond my wife and I can forge again. We signed an agreement just 1 hour ago, which gives her the choice to divorce me and I must obey without causing any hassle if I ever drink again. Think I will honor that for the rest of my life, cuz I can't lose my wife who is the most precious in my life.

Dee, pls, if this post can cause any legal confusion or even issue, delete it (I couldn't find the option to delete it myself). When I pull myself together, I will post my progress and contribute to SR in every way I can.

Dee74

I think we're getting wayyy off the original topic so yeah I agree arhat - time to move on.

Hope your lawyer can help with any lingering questions you might have

D