Out in the real world
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
Jeni, you are brilliant - thank you for this post.
I can relate to so much of it. I had to assess a few of my friendships as so much of my time spent with each of them involved copious amounts wine. I was nervous about how I/we would be affected...just how much did we really have in common when you removed the alcohol. Could we find others things to do together? Many questions ran through my mind.
These amazing friendships found there footing long ago as I've been sober 20 months now. But I vividly remember feeling exactly as you did. I'm so proud of you...and your post helped to remind me that I'm really proud of myself too for making such a huge positive change in my life....and I can see subtle positive changes in EVERYONE around me because of the commitment I made to stop drinking and take back my life.
Thanks to you too Sapling for that BB paragraph...captures it perfectly for me.
I can relate to so much of it. I had to assess a few of my friendships as so much of my time spent with each of them involved copious amounts wine. I was nervous about how I/we would be affected...just how much did we really have in common when you removed the alcohol. Could we find others things to do together? Many questions ran through my mind.
These amazing friendships found there footing long ago as I've been sober 20 months now. But I vividly remember feeling exactly as you did. I'm so proud of you...and your post helped to remind me that I'm really proud of myself too for making such a huge positive change in my life....and I can see subtle positive changes in EVERYONE around me because of the commitment I made to stop drinking and take back my life.
Thanks to you too Sapling for that BB paragraph...captures it perfectly for me.
...not falling down them
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,200
I really like how you demonstrate total acceptance that you have changed and acknowledge that it is sad with your friend who was also a drinking partner, but at no time do you express regret or feel tempted to return to the drinking relationship.
Awesome good stuff, Jeni.
Thank you for sharing this. <3
Awesome good stuff, Jeni.
Thank you for sharing this. <3
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Originally Posted by Jeni26 
I'm home. It was a good evening apart from the last hour which was as long as it took me to get shoes and coats onto 2 of my friends and get them into my car to drive them home. I took lots and lots of teasing about drinking orange juice, in fact it seemed to be the hot topic of conversation all night! Lots of reminders of past drunken behaviour which I shrugged off. None of it affected me at all.
My friend talked about her own drinking a lot. I could tell she was torn between being sad that I wasn't drinking with her and being proud that I'd given up for so long.
She admitted to me that she didnt think she could ever quit. She asked about how not drinking had affected my marriage.
She asked why I had quit and I told her the truth.
As I helped her find her key and made sure she was inside her house safely, I was just so very pleased to be sober. I feel like a totally different person to the one i was when I used to drink with her. She hugged me, and told me that I had changed. We both knew that was true. That things would never again be the same. It was poignant and a bit sad.
Then as she stumbled in she said ' I love you Jen, text me when you get home so I know you're safe'. In actual fact, though I had an hours drive on some icy roads home, I know I'm actually in a much safer place than her.
My friend talked about her own drinking a lot. I could tell she was torn between being sad that I wasn't drinking with her and being proud that I'd given up for so long.
She admitted to me that she didnt think she could ever quit. She asked about how not drinking had affected my marriage.
She asked why I had quit and I told her the truth.
As I helped her find her key and made sure she was inside her house safely, I was just so very pleased to be sober. I feel like a totally different person to the one i was when I used to drink with her. She hugged me, and told me that I had changed. We both knew that was true. That things would never again be the same. It was poignant and a bit sad.
Then as she stumbled in she said ' I love you Jen, text me when you get home so I know you're safe'. In actual fact, though I had an hours drive on some icy roads home, I know I'm actually in a much safer place than her.
How the tables have turned with your drinking buddy shows a lot of self awareness on your part. I wish you both the best.
There's a difference between a true friend and drinking buddy. It sounds like your friend will be around for the duration, regardless of who is drinking. I certainly hope so.
I'm glad you had a safe night.
xxx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,005
Thanks guys. I'm feeling a bit reflective this morning. My whole outlook on life has changed in the past few months. I feel quite detached from the person I was when I was drinking.
And waking up on a Saturday free from the anxiety that shame brings with it is a wonderful way to start the weekend!xxx
And Hypo-you're the greatest. Thanks for being my rock as usual xxx
And waking up on a Saturday free from the anxiety that shame brings with it is a wonderful way to start the weekend!xxx
And Hypo-you're the greatest. Thanks for being my rock as usual xxx
No pity. No remorse. No fear
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 183
Thanks for posting this Jen, both the before and after. I'm just about to go to my work Christmas function at a German-themed restaurant here in Melbourne, Australia. So lots of steins full of beer etc. Thanks for sharing your strength. Looks like I'll be having a summer thunderstorm to drive home in too...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
amazing post! let's me know that it will be possible for me someday too, to hopefully see my long-time friends that honestly i've been avoiding because I don't even know how to react to my own alcoholism and I know i've been a terrible friend over the past few years and extremely selfish.
thanks for the hope
thanks for the hope
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Jeni, you are fab. I have bookmarked this thread as in 6 months sober for me will be my birthday month and I know I'll get some pressure. You handled it beautifully and you give out a wonderful calming aura.
Yay you!
S x
Yay you!
S x
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Jeni that's great you were able to help all of your friends get home safely. That must have felt really good! Glad got home safe as well.
It is bittersweet to know that things will never be the same with an old drinking buddy but knowing that you're not going back to that lifestyle is a triumph. Hoping your example will help your friends and then you can be non drinking buddies in the future. I'm hoping for the same with a couple of mine.
It is bittersweet to know that things will never be the same with an old drinking buddy but knowing that you're not going back to that lifestyle is a triumph. Hoping your example will help your friends and then you can be non drinking buddies in the future. I'm hoping for the same with a couple of mine.
You rock!
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