I swear some our theme titles would make good crountry
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
I swear some our theme titles would make good crountry
music mine most of all. I think the hardest thing for me is not drinking the dam of emotions just break. I tear up over posts, I tear up over dreams. I quess for me just feeling again is the toughest thing about recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
I get emotional reading peoples' posts and stories too, Fitz. There is much pain, inspiration, and thankfully, recovery and joy in these forums. That all makes for some emotional reading. But I bet it is hard feeling it all so raw, after being numb for a long time.
hugs,
Ro
hugs,
Ro
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I swear some our theme titles would make good crountry
trouble in life. Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard did a great one on their Pancho
and Lefty Album top song second side about "Getting Sober." lol
There are many C&W singers that have been around for a long time that have
'stopped' being the songs they wrought, lol I always said while still drinking
"thank God I am a C & W music lover cause it sure fits in with my life." Sheesh
how little I knew then, roflmao
Now as to 'emotions' and 'feelings'. I buried mine for so long that after I found
recovery I would have to explain to my sponsor what was going on, and then
she would tell me well, that is angry, or sadness, or empathy. I didn't even
know the name tags to put on them anymore. And Whoa, as to crying, Oh dear,
if even one drop fell I was shot as the tears would pour out of my eyes, and
sometimes I didn't even know why.
Once I got sober, it became very apparent just how sensitive to others I really
was. I was told over and over by many who had been where I was, that it was
okay to cry, it was okay to bawl, and it was okay to do it until I couldn't anymore.
That tears were a good thing. The tears were not only washing my 'soul' clean
but they were helping to wash away the underpinnings on that great big HUGE
7' high, 7' thick steel wall that I had built to keep people at a distance. Wow, I
had never looked at it that way, but it made sense to me!!!
Enjoy your tears Fitz, they show just how compassionate a man you are, a man
who has served his country, a man who has seen war, a man who has suffered
PTSD, a big strong Military Man that has COMPASSION for his fellow man and can
show that compassion, now that IS A MAN!!!!
Now I survived the streets for 1 1/2 years and not by living in the shadows. lol
When I came into AA I scared a lot of people (didn't know that until later, and
was kind of proud of that, go figure). They said I came in and I was a walking
time bomb and they just didn't know when I was set to go off. Then they told me that
at about 3 weeks or so they could see that something had happened and I had
'softened a bit.'
Well I can say now what happened, but didn't tell anyone for years (was still in
'survival' mode and no one needed to know 'my business) I had found a tape of
the "Old Yeller" movie and I watched it, the whole thing. And the ending is what
did it, and yes it is a sad ending as they had to put Old Yeller to sleep, but the
waterworks started. I started to cry and it was like a damn had been broken,
and this is no lie, I sobbed and bawl for over 3 hours straight. When I could finally
stop I was doing the 'hiccup' thing, could barely get my breathe and felt like I had
just gone 15 rounds with Mohammad Ali.
But, after I calmed down and the days to come, I did really feel like there were
some 'chinks' in that horrible wall I had kept up for so many years.
All of the above to say, (((((Fitz))))) you cry when you feel like it! You are
important, and you are allowed to cry any time you want to or need to. Thank
you for starting this thread.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
I understand what you mean.
I used to think drinking "helped" me to feel. Happier. And sometimes I would get drunk & cry & I thought it was good to get all that hurt & pain out.
But the truth is.... drunk tears are NOT healing tears. They are a facade just like the happy drunk moments. They aren't real.
After I got sober, emotions hit me like sea waves. And I felt raw. I had no idea how to cope.
Yet, little by little I learned, feelings & emotions won't kill me.....Drinking will.
I feel much more healed & whole now.
The good thing about moods, is they always change.
Smile Fitz, you're a great guy, doing the right thing. Embrace the true you.
I used to think drinking "helped" me to feel. Happier. And sometimes I would get drunk & cry & I thought it was good to get all that hurt & pain out.
But the truth is.... drunk tears are NOT healing tears. They are a facade just like the happy drunk moments. They aren't real.
After I got sober, emotions hit me like sea waves. And I felt raw. I had no idea how to cope.
Yet, little by little I learned, feelings & emotions won't kill me.....Drinking will.
I feel much more healed & whole now.
The good thing about moods, is they always change.
Smile Fitz, you're a great guy, doing the right thing. Embrace the true you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Fitz, I do know what you mean. I hid those feelings of emotions for soo long. I still had them then, it was just that I would sit in a car, and cry by myself. When I stopped drinking it felt like the tears never ended. It is hard to deal with emotions.
I tend to rate movies now, by was that a 1 tissue or 5 tissue movie !!!!!!!
People think I am crazy, but they always bring tissues for me when I watch a movie
I tend to rate movies now, by was that a 1 tissue or 5 tissue movie !!!!!!!
People think I am crazy, but they always bring tissues for me when I watch a movie
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
hey, hey, hey enuf of this, trying to still clean up all the other water I spit all over my computer
Are you referring to my recent post,
My truck broke down
My wife just left me
And the dog just tipped over my last bottle?
too funny !!!!!
Are you referring to my recent post,
My truck broke down
My wife just left me
And the dog just tipped over my last bottle?
too funny !!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
d@mn, one of these days I will be able to quote part of a quote with the authors name in there. Will work on this.
So how ya doin Fitz? And that other song was "Don't go breakin my heart. Need to look up who did that now. I always do research when I read your thread, and that is a good thing.
So how ya doin Fitz? And that other song was "Don't go breakin my heart. Need to look up who did that now. I always do research when I read your thread, and that is a good thing.
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