Parrotice23

I was doing pretty good, sober for 27 days. Then yesterday, I drank. Nothing bad happened, beyond me getting "caught" by my girlfriend, which ultimately I am thankful happened. While I don't really know why I did it - there was no specific cause or reason... it was premeditated. I had been thinking about it for days, what I would do, how it would happen. I just wanted a few shots, of course things never stop there. Something in my brain acted like it would make life easier for a few hours, or something like that. Of course it didn't, nothing about the experience was good, except perhaps re-enforcing all the bad stuff I wanted to end when I stopped drinking.

So here I am today. Didn't sleep at all last night, just kept getting up and going from room to room. I feel tired, wore out and frustrated at myself for not doing what I promised myself (and others, and the SR community) I would do.

I really don't want to count days, I don't want to have to think of today as being day one again. I made a commitment to be sober and while I slipped up yesterday, today I am more committed then ever to be back on the sober path.

FamilyMan2153

Relapse is part of recovery. I hate when people say that because it sounds like a green light to drink. It is not but just a fact. Rarely do people decide to quit and it lasts a lifetime. You came back here so at least you were being honest. No one will judge you. Remember that relapse starts way before we take that first drink. Your planning is called "foreplay". Next time recognize it and have a plan for it. Don't let those thoughts stay in your mind for very long. Day 1 or day 28 does not matter, make it a sober one.

soberbrah

Your at day zero bro, tomorrow is day 1, if you don't count that as a relapse then what does counting even mean

Parrotice23

Thanks, FamilyMan. I wanted to post my error both to be honest and also to be truthful to myself.

In the past, when I tried sobriety a mistake like this would be the beginning of a big cycle - you already drank yesterday, you can quit tomorrow again, etc... all the excuses. I'm at a point where I can see that and curb it before that cycle starts again. Thankfully.

Anna

I'm glad you're back and working on your recovery.

MIRecovery

I am celebrating 1 day at a time. Counting sobriety is dangerous stuff. All I have to worry about is being sober today by doing what I do everyday. Go to a meeting, talk to another alcoholic, pray for a day of sobriety, and thanking my higher power for going to bed sober.

Any day sober is a good day. Who ever gets up earliest has the most sobriety

buickbeast

Grats on 27 days. It might help to just not count the days. It doesn't matter if tomorrow you stay sober...it matters today that you stay sober.

Xune

Relapse does not have to be a part of recovery.

If I refuse to have a first drink, relapse is impossible.

To the OP, learn from your relapse and move forward.

doggonecarl

It's not easy to come here and post about failure. Kudos to you.

That's fine. Whatever works to keep you sober. MIRecovery make a good point for not counting each and every day...merely counting today.

I count. Every day sober is an accomplishment and it registers with me. Will it backfire on me? I don't know. What I have noticed is that those who are most against counting sober days are often those who can't accumulate them.

bryangt

Seems that the more you accumulate, the more you have invested in yourself & your program of recovery. I don't count days anymore, but I am grateful in the morning when I wake up sober & grateful to MHP at the end of the day for another day sober. I do however, count the months and soon years. And with time, it gets easier and you soon realize that you don't want to throw it all away.

Parrotice23

Thanks everyone. I do hope to someday be able to think of my sobriety in terms of months and years. It may have been a mistake, what I chose to do yesterday, but at least I am learning a lot from it.

Dee74

welcome back parrotice

Relapse is a part of my addiction - not my recovery.
It might sound like semantics but it's not.

Many of us falter - I certainly did - but it *wasn't* necessary for me to do that to get sober.

I was just having difficulty letting go of my old life (for 15 years or so...)

D

Caledonia1

Well Parrotice I admire your honesty and wish you well with your recovery.