Help against obsessive anxiety
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Help against obsessive anxiety
Hi all!!!
I've been making LOTS of progess since I last wrote. I moved, I joined AA and became serious about my recovery. Day 19 here! Met LOADS of fantastic people who have helped me more than I could have imagined. I have a sponsor with whom I work.
For the first time in almost 10 years I have found some sort of peace of mind. I have almost 0 urge to pick up a drink. It's like a switch has been flipped in my head.
However, I still battle THE most persistant problem of my life: anxiety, obsessive, paralysing anxiety.
This is how my anxiety manifests itself: Usually it's related to things in "daily life". I've been living between countries (in Europe) for the past years and have been filing my taxes in the country where I've been considered a resident. It's been going fine until now. Suddenly I got a letter from one country's tax authority telling me they consider it illegal that I haven't filed an income tax report to them for 2011 (even though I got a letter from them, a few months ago, saying I was not considered a resident in 2011). Obviously they attached a list of legal paragraphs with threats of imprisonment, fines etc etc.
I took action in the delay that they have accorded me: 30 days. I wrote a letter explaining that I didn't file a report because I:
a: had received a letter from them stating I was not considered a resident in 2011.
b: I had no income, whatsoever, in that country in 2011.
I also assured them that I would be happy to fill out any form they may require from me.
STILL, I have absolutely obsessive thoughts and horrible anxiety over this. It's at it's worst around the time the mail arrives. I sit behind my door, waiting with absolute dread for a letter from them... with some horrible news. Some sort of a huge fine or worse.
I try to think that I have done what I could and I try to hand over what happens next to my higher power. But I still can't let go of the almost panicky anxiety while waiting for the mail.
The worst part is almost that this is how I go about my life all the time. Once this is solved I will very quickly find a new reason to worry in the exactly same way.
Any suggestions as to how to let go?
THANKS!
I've been making LOTS of progess since I last wrote. I moved, I joined AA and became serious about my recovery. Day 19 here! Met LOADS of fantastic people who have helped me more than I could have imagined. I have a sponsor with whom I work.
For the first time in almost 10 years I have found some sort of peace of mind. I have almost 0 urge to pick up a drink. It's like a switch has been flipped in my head.
However, I still battle THE most persistant problem of my life: anxiety, obsessive, paralysing anxiety.
This is how my anxiety manifests itself: Usually it's related to things in "daily life". I've been living between countries (in Europe) for the past years and have been filing my taxes in the country where I've been considered a resident. It's been going fine until now. Suddenly I got a letter from one country's tax authority telling me they consider it illegal that I haven't filed an income tax report to them for 2011 (even though I got a letter from them, a few months ago, saying I was not considered a resident in 2011). Obviously they attached a list of legal paragraphs with threats of imprisonment, fines etc etc.
I took action in the delay that they have accorded me: 30 days. I wrote a letter explaining that I didn't file a report because I:
a: had received a letter from them stating I was not considered a resident in 2011.
b: I had no income, whatsoever, in that country in 2011.
I also assured them that I would be happy to fill out any form they may require from me.
STILL, I have absolutely obsessive thoughts and horrible anxiety over this. It's at it's worst around the time the mail arrives. I sit behind my door, waiting with absolute dread for a letter from them... with some horrible news. Some sort of a huge fine or worse.
I try to think that I have done what I could and I try to hand over what happens next to my higher power. But I still can't let go of the almost panicky anxiety while waiting for the mail.
The worst part is almost that this is how I go about my life all the time. Once this is solved I will very quickly find a new reason to worry in the exactly same way.
Any suggestions as to how to let go?
THANKS!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi DB
congrats on your sober time
have you ever seen a counsellor or a Dr about this kind of general catastrophising anxiety?
My experience with bureaucracy is only with one country but I'd be willing to suggest it's the same the world over...they're always open to explanations, and you always have right of appeal should anything nasty happen.
Little guys like us are generally not their targets - I severely doubt you'll ever be carted off to jail...and even if you were found liable? any fine for one year, is likely to be smaller rather than larger.
I'm sure others here will be able to provide more pertinent experience though
The point is tho, you can worry or you can not worry.
The outcome is pretty much going to be the same.
try not to worry
D
congrats on your sober time
have you ever seen a counsellor or a Dr about this kind of general catastrophising anxiety?
My experience with bureaucracy is only with one country but I'd be willing to suggest it's the same the world over...they're always open to explanations, and you always have right of appeal should anything nasty happen.
Little guys like us are generally not their targets - I severely doubt you'll ever be carted off to jail...and even if you were found liable? any fine for one year, is likely to be smaller rather than larger.
I'm sure others here will be able to provide more pertinent experience though
The point is tho, you can worry or you can not worry.
The outcome is pretty much going to be the same.
try not to worry
D
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi DB
congrats on your sober time
have you ever seen a counsellor or a Dr about this kind of general catastrophising anxiety?
My experience with bureaucracy is only with one country but I'd be willing to suggest it's the same the world over...they're always open to explanations, and you always have right of appeal should anything nasty happen.
Little guys like us are generally not their targets - I severely doubt you'll ever be carted off to jail...and even if you were found liable? any fine for one year, is likely to be smaller rather than larger.
I'm sure others here will be able to provide more pertinent experience though
The point is tho, you can worry or you can not worry.
The outcome is pretty much going to be the same.
try not to worry
D
congrats on your sober time
have you ever seen a counsellor or a Dr about this kind of general catastrophising anxiety?
My experience with bureaucracy is only with one country but I'd be willing to suggest it's the same the world over...they're always open to explanations, and you always have right of appeal should anything nasty happen.
Little guys like us are generally not their targets - I severely doubt you'll ever be carted off to jail...and even if you were found liable? any fine for one year, is likely to be smaller rather than larger.
I'm sure others here will be able to provide more pertinent experience though
The point is tho, you can worry or you can not worry.
The outcome is pretty much going to be the same.
try not to worry
D
You are so right: wether I worry or not, the outcome will be the same.
So, the conclusion must be that this anxiety is not rational in nature. My rational side doesn't manage to overpower my "reptile brain" when it comes to this kind of anxiety.
I'm beginning to think that maybe I just need to practice hard (pray, meditate) on turning these thing over to my higher power. Practice makes perfect?
Any ideas are welcome.
Yes, I have spoken about it to several docs and shrinks bit haven't gotten any good hands on responses or ideas.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I have had serious anxiety my entire life around the issues of finances and authority figures. I know where it stems from, but all the intellectual gymnastics in the world don't seem able to "talk" it away.
My recovery work has helped, but sort of in a round about way. Acceptance is a huge part of it for me. Accepting that I have this area of vulnerability. Accepting that there are ways to address these things that so concern me, and making a commitment to myself to do so. That helps me feel less powerless and taking action helps some of the adrenaline seep out.
People budget for things that matter to them. I realize that budgeting a financial advisor is important to me. Others may want a personal trainer or a gardener. I need help in this area.
Meditating, focused breathing, and disciplining myself to eat right, go to bed on time, etc all help as well.
the sort of thing you describe is one of those things that sends me reeling. Making sure I am putting energy into the other areas of my life, so I don't get so obsessively focused and maintain balance is very important.
My recovery work has helped, but sort of in a round about way. Acceptance is a huge part of it for me. Accepting that I have this area of vulnerability. Accepting that there are ways to address these things that so concern me, and making a commitment to myself to do so. That helps me feel less powerless and taking action helps some of the adrenaline seep out.
People budget for things that matter to them. I realize that budgeting a financial advisor is important to me. Others may want a personal trainer or a gardener. I need help in this area.
Meditating, focused breathing, and disciplining myself to eat right, go to bed on time, etc all help as well.
the sort of thing you describe is one of those things that sends me reeling. Making sure I am putting energy into the other areas of my life, so I don't get so obsessively focused and maintain balance is very important.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 55
Dont sweat the small stuff....life is too short to worry. It happens to me also and I try to think of 1 thing....if I was told I only had 3 months to live would (my current worry) really matter....funnily enough no has been the answer every time....helps put things in perspective
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I used to be in a constant state of anxiety and panic. Everything scared me, everything created anxiety and panic. It was a comfortable state of being.
Irrational fear(s), definitely. This is where the steps 4-9 helped me.
Now, changing my habits were a bit more difficult. Feeling anxious and panicky was a habit. It takes time to change a habit.
As Dee said, the outcome may be the outcome, no matter how you feel. Breathe slowly, use the tools of AA (call your sponsor and network, help another alcoholic, etc).
Give yourself more time and soon you will find that facing your fears, as you have done with this situation, can be done and that anxiety will soon leave you!
Irrational fear(s), definitely. This is where the steps 4-9 helped me.
Now, changing my habits were a bit more difficult. Feeling anxious and panicky was a habit. It takes time to change a habit.
As Dee said, the outcome may be the outcome, no matter how you feel. Breathe slowly, use the tools of AA (call your sponsor and network, help another alcoholic, etc).
Give yourself more time and soon you will find that facing your fears, as you have done with this situation, can be done and that anxiety will soon leave you!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Funny I have anxiety about the mail as well. That some sort of terrible news is going to be delivered but it is very managable. At 19 days your brain is still clearing out and what you will find is that the longer you are sober the more the anxiety will disappear. Stay sober and things will start to get better.
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Thanks for all the great suggestions and thoughts.
Had a long talk w/ my sponsor today and his opinion is that my anxiety related behavior goes hand in hand with 'the alcoholic mind' and its way of functioning/thinking. He thinks I need to just hang in there and speak about it all to others in order to better understand that I am not alone in this and that there is hope. He thinks I'll be able to handle all of this better as I'm going thru the steps.
To me it's a revelation that I have an alcoholic mind and an alcoholic way of thinking EVEN when I'm sober. I'm not completely sure of what that entails at this point.
Had a long talk w/ my sponsor today and his opinion is that my anxiety related behavior goes hand in hand with 'the alcoholic mind' and its way of functioning/thinking. He thinks I need to just hang in there and speak about it all to others in order to better understand that I am not alone in this and that there is hope. He thinks I'll be able to handle all of this better as I'm going thru the steps.
To me it's a revelation that I have an alcoholic mind and an alcoholic way of thinking EVEN when I'm sober. I'm not completely sure of what that entails at this point.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
I suffer from anxiety. I have had some treatment for it in my life. When I quit drinking 2 years ago, I had several panic attacks. It was worry about my health. That is my biggest panic trigger. It got to where I hardly left the house, but i was good at veiling it. I could get myself to things at the school, the stores around town, but was very anxious about straying ot far in case something horrible happened to me. I was in the midst of a big health scare, and waiting for results of appointments and tests.
Years before that, I was having similar anxiety and panic surrounding my father's declining health(but it was making me have scary episodes of chest pain, rapid heart rhythms, etc...).
I had some medication for awhile, and some monthly therapy to adjust the meds. And I read a book, at the recommendation of my psychiatrist. "Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic." It really was helpful.
It is a disorder, like any mental illness. So, it may never go way, but you can manage it. I was very anxious when I stopped drinking the first time(I had been drinking my heaviest before that), and it was due to the withdrawal, I am sure. Not so much this time.
I hope you can find a way to feel more calm. Anxiety can be crippling.
Years before that, I was having similar anxiety and panic surrounding my father's declining health(but it was making me have scary episodes of chest pain, rapid heart rhythms, etc...).
I had some medication for awhile, and some monthly therapy to adjust the meds. And I read a book, at the recommendation of my psychiatrist. "Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic." It really was helpful.
It is a disorder, like any mental illness. So, it may never go way, but you can manage it. I was very anxious when I stopped drinking the first time(I had been drinking my heaviest before that), and it was due to the withdrawal, I am sure. Not so much this time.
I hope you can find a way to feel more calm. Anxiety can be crippling.
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Originally Posted by rochele
I suffer from anxiety. I have had some treatment for it in my life. When I quit drinking 2 years ago, I had several panic attacks. It was worry about my health. That is my biggest panic trigger. It got to where I hardly left the house, but i was good at veiling it. I could get myself to things at the school, the stores around town, but was very anxious about straying ot far in case something horrible happened to me. I was in the midst of a big health scare, and waiting for results of appointments and tests.
Years before that, I was having similar anxiety and panic surrounding my father's declining health(but it was making me have scary episodes of chest pain, rapid heart rhythms, etc...).
I had some medication for awhile, and some monthly therapy to adjust the meds. And I read a book, at the recommendation of my psychiatrist. "Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic." It really was helpful.
It is a disorder, like any mental illness. So, it may never go way, but you can manage it. I was very anxious when I stopped drinking the first time(I had been drinking my heaviest before that), and it was due to the withdrawal, I am sure. Not so much this time.
I hope you can find a way to feel more calm. Anxiety can be crippling.
Years before that, I was having similar anxiety and panic surrounding my father's declining health(but it was making me have scary episodes of chest pain, rapid heart rhythms, etc...).
I had some medication for awhile, and some monthly therapy to adjust the meds. And I read a book, at the recommendation of my psychiatrist. "Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic." It really was helpful.
It is a disorder, like any mental illness. So, it may never go way, but you can manage it. I was very anxious when I stopped drinking the first time(I had been drinking my heaviest before that), and it was due to the withdrawal, I am sure. Not so much this time.
I hope you can find a way to feel more calm. Anxiety can be crippling.
I can identify with almost all you are writing about. I too have paranoia and anxiety about health stuff. But financial stuff is my worst trigger I think.
Yes, my anxiety is crippling. It's a vicious cycle. Waiting for the mail keeps me so anxious that I CANNOT focus on the freelance work I have to get done at home that is my only source of income right now. I didn't get any mail today and it's 1 pm and I am feeling tired yet relieved.
This is insanity.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Try the book, and a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds. it can help. It is an illness. Would you not use meds to fight cancer if you needed? Mental illness is real, it is not a weakness. And you can gain balance as well. But get help if this is crippling you, interfering with your work. It is horrible and feeds off of itself. I know.
Amazon has the book. And a work book(I did not have the workbook).
Amazon has the book. And a work book(I did not have the workbook).
Memberado
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
Originally Posted by rochele
Try the book, and a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds. it can help. It is an illness. Would you not use meds to fight cancer if you needed? Mental illness is real, it is not a weakness. And you can gain balance as well. But get help if this is crippling you, interfering with your work. It is horrible and feeds off of itself. I know.
Amazon has the book. And a work book(I did not have the workbook).
Amazon has the book. And a work book(I did not have the workbook).
Ok I will get the book and really try this time to get out of my head and take in the advice that is on offer.
Seeing a shrink now and getting meds is expensive since I am not covered by insurance right now... I just changed countries. I'll begin with the book and see where it takes me.
Thanks again!
PS today when I told my sponsor about this, I kind of jokingly said: "I'm 30, I'm an adult. I shouldnt be acting irrationally like this. Sitting behind the door, waiting for the mail, fantasizing about all possible horror scenarios that may become reality when I receive my mail. This is insanity!"
He responden: you said it, not me. You said it's insane.
It made me realize that this is actually serious. It's not comical or funny. This has and is ruining my life in a lot of ways.
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