Beyond

Do we take meds because we need them or because we need to fix time? Since detox I've noticed an hour feels like a day. Things around me are larger. I feel smaller, closer to the earth, pulled by gravity. I know the one day at a time because that is truly all we have, today is a gift. I've been getting back into painting and my sober rage is ripe for inspiration. Isn't being sober just a way of living in real time? On speed or benzos you get to control time somehow. OPs make time bearable. We would look at the clock and judge Our time by how many pills we had taken or when we needed another. Aren't we all just failed magicians, we thought we could pull the rabbit out the hat but that pesky white rabbit and his pocket watch always late. Sober time sucks. Isn't this the epic struggle we all face? How do we live in real time like the rest of the automatons, punching the clock when the one thing we all have in common is the all seeing beyond.

hypochondriac

How long have you been clean/sober Beyond? Time definitely went slower for me early on but it normalised later on x

awuh1

Your adventure has just begun, and if you stay the course, you will arrive somewhere much better than down that rabbit hole. Give it some time. Things can be difficult in the beginning. Your post also sounds like you may have some depression. Just a hunch. If so, consider an evaluation/ treatment for it. Stay the course.

Beyond

Oh depression. Yeah that started when I was seven. I've been told by several medical professionals doctors shrinks experts therapists that I should go into the field because of my grasp. Is the depression a symptom of pain or a side effect? Naturally, being in pain is a moody place to be. I've been to therapists. A few rare gems & the rest a lot of I'm a therapist because it makes me feel better that I'm helping people even though I have no empathy and keep 3 clocks strategically placed around the room, will interrupt mid sentence cause times up. I don't need therapy or drugs. I need a bullet & a water gun.

awuh1

Whatever its nature, depression (I believe there are a host of varieties) can be quite an obstacle to overcome. Drugs and alcohol are often seen as recreation, while in reality serving more as self-inflicted treatment. That’s fine as long as it works. Typically there comes a time when it does not.

In my experience the depression and the pain are one in the same, though the attribution is different. There’s much you can do about it, from exercise and over the counter things to a therapist who can put himself in your shoes and does not look at his watch.

There’s a meaningful life above ground, but you’re going to need to search it out.

quitforme79

You're a great writer beyond. I am sure that could pass some of your time

Weasel1966

You clearly are intelligent. You articulate a perspective succinctly and poignantly. You have a tone of contempt for the average. I would want to escape as well.

I have said sober days are twice as long as drunk and high days. I know that's fact.

Time has a sense of urgency for me. I have fewer moments in front of me than behind. So I savor the one I am in at any given moment. I want to fit two seconds in every one.

I can tell you I won't give one more second away because this magician has made years disappear.

lilgolden73

Love this post, and yes sober time drags on. I am weaning myself off my antidepressant, as I want my brain completely chemical free in the long run. I am going to keep the multivitamin though