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Day 1 again!

Old 11-27-2012, 11:22 AM
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Originally Posted by dragon12 View Post
I"ve lost count of how many times I have attempted to give up drinking. My drink of choice is wine and it is usually around 5pm that I start drinking. What makes it even worse is that my partner is also a big drinker and neither of us are working so it's not such a big deal if we wake up with a sore head as we don't have to go to work. If we go out with friends or family, I will only have 2 to 3 glasses of wine, but when I get home I open another bottle to top up.

I know that the wine is having a really detrimental affect on my health, as every morning my stomach feels like the lining is being eaten away.

I've never sought help before, apart from this forum, but I am considering getting some assistance or counselling. I feel so ashamed though that I have reached this stage and I feel ashamed that anyone will know about my "secret".

Yesterday I was very hung over so wasn't such a big deal not drinking last night. but tonight will be the gig challenge.....DAY 1!
Your story is familiar. I spent years and years in the cycle you describe...only I would have a glass or two of wine before going out with friends and having another 2 or 3 glasses with dinner and then coming home and having more. I would feel awful about it every morning, disgusted with myself for having no self control, wondering if anyone had "noticed" etc., or if I had said or done anything I now couldnt remember. The cycle would start again in the late afternoon. I would talk myself into justifying it by telling myself that THIS time I would only have one glass etc.
Humiliated and worried about my health and the example I was setting for my children and grandchildren, ruined holidays and other gatherings with family and friends, not remembering who had done the dishes the night before or who may have called me, I called a local recovery clinic where I was able to get help withtherapy and medications that helped me detox and take the edge off cravings. It was the hardest phone call I have every made and the most difficult doctor visit of my life.
I was ashamed too about my dirty little secret.....the thing was, though, with those closest to me.....it wasn't a secret to them. They already knew I had a problem and they were happy and proud that I was finally trying to deal with it.
I am happy that you are here at SR now too. There's is great support and information that will help you here.
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Old 11-27-2012, 11:58 AM
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romando-
I sure know that feeling of not wanting to drink in the morning and then it's like a spell comes over me at night.
Sometimes I've called in sick to work because of the hangovers.
Dragon12- this is my day one. And I've had many so good luck. For me I think I finally have to try AA. I feel ashamed for even having to go there but nothing else is working.
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:17 PM
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I love this thread, how kind everyone is to each other. I know the old AA thing was gruff tough love, but I personally respond better to kindness.

MIRecovery, you said you would have to find somewhere else to live while in recovery. I know I would too.

Another Sober Recovery friend here, her husband makes no effort not to drink. I can't imagine how tough that would be for me. I don't think I could handle that. I am very happy that I am the only one in the house with a drinking problem.

ClearLight, I hope you like AA. I am going, even thought I have a love/hate relationship with meetings right now. I know it's better than doing nothing, and there are so many meetings around here, that it's easy to do. Huge congrats on making the decision to get sober.

We can do this! There is a lot of good support right here in these threads. It has helped me tremendously to be on this forum. Thanks to all the mods and admins and the people who work so hard on and started SoberRecovery.com, this is great.
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:41 PM
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here's something i'm trying (in Day 2): every time i do ANYTHING positive, even if it's writing an email or chatting with someone, as long as it's NOT drinking and it's contributing to being well instead of sick, I give myself a "point" -- i write it down and keep a list. the list has nothing negative on it. so i can look back and see things i did that were NOT about drinking. hopefully the lists will get longer....
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:46 PM
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courage2 - that's a good idea I intend to use. It will help to keep me focused.
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Old 11-27-2012, 02:18 PM
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Well i made it through Day 2 but what a night. I was restless all night long, on the computer off and on, reading SR........finally got back to sleep and i have woken up this morning feeling like I have drunk a couple of bottles of wine last night! I swear I can taste the alcohol in my mouth and I'm groggy with a headache.
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Old 11-27-2012, 02:20 PM
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Thank you everyone for your kind wishes and good luck. I can realte to so many of your stories.
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Old 11-27-2012, 06:42 PM
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Originally Posted by dragon12 View Post
Didn't have a drink this evening......2 days without. But now it's12.30 and I can't sleep.....is this normal?
I know I have had a difficult time falling and staying asleep. My doctor has prescribed something to help, for some reason my brain doesn't shut off even when I am exhausted!
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Old 11-27-2012, 06:50 PM
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Originally Posted by dragon12 View Post
I have spoken to him many times....he doesn't think that he has a problem and that we can drink moderately....which we can't. Therefore, I have got to go it alone. Now that is different because in the past I have always tried to persuade him too and then held him to some degree responsible when things went wrong....I must stop doing that.
My husband and I had the conversation that we need to cut down on our drinking almost daily. I finally decided that I just needed to stop because the moderation thing wasn't working for me.

He still has beer every night, he has cut down, but not stopped. I was a big fan if wine, and have 47 days sober today. It hasn't been easy, but it is getting easier.

I can't change him, but I can make changes for me. Good job so far!
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Old 11-27-2012, 07:42 PM
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Originally Posted by dragon12 View Post
Well i made it through Day 2 but what a night. I was restless all night long, on the computer off and on, reading SR........finally got back to sleep and i have woken up this morning feeling like I have drunk a couple of bottles of wine last night! I swear I can taste the alcohol in my mouth and I'm groggy with a headache.
Dragon, Day 2 sounds like it was really tough. Ugh! But what a great accomplishment!!!!!! So happy you made it.
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Old 12-03-2012, 02:16 PM
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I'm with you day one again...I couldn't have said it better myself. I feel embarassed about my actions when I drink and am afraid to get help so people will know that I have a problem. My friends say I can get it under control but unfortunately I do not think I can drink at all. I wanted to say thank you for letting me know that it's ok to start over again.
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Old 12-03-2012, 04:02 PM
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Dingo! So happy to see you here. I was hoping I could get my drinking under control, but for me, it wasn't going to happen. I had to just stop drinking. A little voice in my head says "One day you will be able to drink one or two like normal people". Maybe one day. But now now. I really do feel better after over two weeks sober.
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Old 12-03-2012, 04:07 PM
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[QUOTE=Junebugapril;3700889]Dingo! So happy to see you here. I was hoping I could get my drinking under control, but for me, it wasn't going to happen. I had to just stop drinking. A little voice in my head says "One day you will be able to drink one or two like normal people". Maybe one day. But now now. I really do feel better after over two weeks sober.[/QUOTE

2 weeks.........well done! What a wonderful Christmas gift to yourself to say that you are sober!
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Old 12-03-2012, 04:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Dingos83 View Post
I'm with you day one again...I couldn't have said it better myself. I feel embarassed about my actions when I drink and am afraid to get help so people will know that I have a problem. My friends say I can get it under control but unfortunately I do not think I can drink at all. I wanted to say thank you for letting me know that it's ok to start over again.
Dingo, we have to keep trying. For me I have to learn by what went wrong in the past. For me I have tried too many times to drink in moderation or to try giving up alone. I now realise that I need help and I can't drink in moderation.
I'm going to AA this Thursday, yes I too feel embarrassed and ashamed but I want to stop drinking. Knowing that you want to stop is the first step and this forum will give you lots of support and strategies. Good luck.
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Old 12-03-2012, 04:19 PM
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Dragon, I've been "dragon" myself to AA meetings these past couple of weeks. I kinda hate em. But I kinda love them. Hard to explain. The one I went to last night was pretty cool. Some of them totally sucked. But all of them were full of people who gave out their phone numbers, and said "call anytime".
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Old 12-03-2012, 05:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Junebugapril View Post
Dragon, I've been "dragon" myself to AA meetings these past couple of weeks. I kinda hate em. But I kinda love them. Hard to explain. The one I went to last night was pretty cool. Some of them totally sucked. But all of them were full of people who gave out their phone numbers, and said "call anytime".
Thanks Junebugapril,
I'm not looking forward to going and I know how I operate, I will make every excuse not to.....but, there is no excuse. The meeting is at 11am and I have nothing else on on Thursday and I have told everyone on SR and also my husband that I am going so now I have to.

I'll keep in mind that some of the meetings you have liked and some of them not. That way if I hate Thursday, there is no excuse not to try a different time different place, or just the same place on another night.

Sounds like you are doing really well.
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Old 12-03-2012, 05:40 PM
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Dragon, thanks. I am a little shaky still, still romanticizing my glass of wine, but all in all, I think I am doing pretty well.

Some of the meetings were downright comical. Especially the first one I went to with all the gang members wearing doo rags on their heads. But one of the gangbangers actually bought me a Big Book after class.

In retrospect, I think it would have been better for me if I went to a meeting before I got sober.
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