Day 3 + My Story
Nov.23, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 21
Day 3 + My Story
Hi, its day three for me and here is my story…apologies in advance for the long post but I need to get it off my chest (for the first time)
I started drinking at the age of 15-16 as many of my friends did getting drunk on weekends and parties, lots of binge drinking. When I started to live on my own is when I started drinking daily, 2-3 at first. Through university as a musician in the club scene drinking was what you did. All this was part of life as a student through college and University with the occasional binge black out episode.
Fast forward 10 years of drinking, I lost my license in a DUI, the most terrible thing to happen to me in life. The embarrassment of telling family, my girlfriend, friends, spending the night in jail, going to court. The conviction follows me around to this day.
Starting my professional career doing stressful work with lots of travel and hotels. Perfect time to have a few while nobody is watching, drink at the airport lounge, on the plane, on the train, at the hotel…only I knew. Drinking with co-workers, clients. These are the years when my daily drinking got heavy 3-6 beer, wine, martinis a night before bed, normal to have a bottle of wine at dinner. It just became my daily routine and how I told myself I was dealing with the stress of my work.
This feeling of being in control I guess is how for many years I convinced myself I did not have a problem. Over the years, I have stopped drinking for short periods of time, cut back but for me having one drink always creates a craving to go get more and has led to many dumb mistakes. Also with more income, just developed a taste for more expensive drinks, nice wine, scotch…how civilized, not alcoholic.
Fast forward a few more years, married now with kids, I always kept it just enough under control not to create any relationship issues other than a few arguments about “another drink…do you need one every day” comments. Family and friends drink, father is an alcoholic, people come over, we have 3-4 bottles of wine at dinner, its what we do as adults. At one point with my weight at an all time high of over 250 lbs and drinking 3-6 large beers per day (over time I upsized to the large cans) and no exercise, I really cut it back, lost the weights and got active again. But, I never really stopped drinking completely.
The last 6 months is what has brought me here today. Living and working overseas alone in countries where alcohol is cheap, and available nearly 24 hrs a day on every street corner. Buying 2-3 beer per day, I don’t bring home more cause I know I will drink them all. The trend is getting worse. Bring home three beers, get the larger cans, go from 5% alc. To 9%alc. Finish off the three…then go out to the shop to get more beer…or wine…lately its vodka. Hiding drinks in the house, chugging back a beer alone in the basement when nobody is there and hiding the empty can in the bottom of the garbage can, drinking when the kids are around, when the wife is not home, drinking outside the house and driving home, hiding the empties, getting up early to take out the empties . Having to take advil every morning to shake the headaches and go to work, only to come home at night and start all over again. I am on a path I have been on before to another period of heavy use, I know it will get heavy enough and then I will have a reality check with myself and cut back…only to let the cycle slowly build again. I need this roller coaster that I have been on for so long to stop.
Just writing this for the first time and reflecting on all the time, energy, money is exhausting.
I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.
I am shy introvert (part of why I started drinking I suppose) so for me AA, or even talking about this problem is very hard. How can I have this problem when I am so successful in life – work, family? So, I have found AVRT and this forum which I hope can help me to stay strong.
Thanks for reading.
I started drinking at the age of 15-16 as many of my friends did getting drunk on weekends and parties, lots of binge drinking. When I started to live on my own is when I started drinking daily, 2-3 at first. Through university as a musician in the club scene drinking was what you did. All this was part of life as a student through college and University with the occasional binge black out episode.
Fast forward 10 years of drinking, I lost my license in a DUI, the most terrible thing to happen to me in life. The embarrassment of telling family, my girlfriend, friends, spending the night in jail, going to court. The conviction follows me around to this day.
Starting my professional career doing stressful work with lots of travel and hotels. Perfect time to have a few while nobody is watching, drink at the airport lounge, on the plane, on the train, at the hotel…only I knew. Drinking with co-workers, clients. These are the years when my daily drinking got heavy 3-6 beer, wine, martinis a night before bed, normal to have a bottle of wine at dinner. It just became my daily routine and how I told myself I was dealing with the stress of my work.
This feeling of being in control I guess is how for many years I convinced myself I did not have a problem. Over the years, I have stopped drinking for short periods of time, cut back but for me having one drink always creates a craving to go get more and has led to many dumb mistakes. Also with more income, just developed a taste for more expensive drinks, nice wine, scotch…how civilized, not alcoholic.
Fast forward a few more years, married now with kids, I always kept it just enough under control not to create any relationship issues other than a few arguments about “another drink…do you need one every day” comments. Family and friends drink, father is an alcoholic, people come over, we have 3-4 bottles of wine at dinner, its what we do as adults. At one point with my weight at an all time high of over 250 lbs and drinking 3-6 large beers per day (over time I upsized to the large cans) and no exercise, I really cut it back, lost the weights and got active again. But, I never really stopped drinking completely.
The last 6 months is what has brought me here today. Living and working overseas alone in countries where alcohol is cheap, and available nearly 24 hrs a day on every street corner. Buying 2-3 beer per day, I don’t bring home more cause I know I will drink them all. The trend is getting worse. Bring home three beers, get the larger cans, go from 5% alc. To 9%alc. Finish off the three…then go out to the shop to get more beer…or wine…lately its vodka. Hiding drinks in the house, chugging back a beer alone in the basement when nobody is there and hiding the empty can in the bottom of the garbage can, drinking when the kids are around, when the wife is not home, drinking outside the house and driving home, hiding the empties, getting up early to take out the empties . Having to take advil every morning to shake the headaches and go to work, only to come home at night and start all over again. I am on a path I have been on before to another period of heavy use, I know it will get heavy enough and then I will have a reality check with myself and cut back…only to let the cycle slowly build again. I need this roller coaster that I have been on for so long to stop.
Just writing this for the first time and reflecting on all the time, energy, money is exhausting.
I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.
I am shy introvert (part of why I started drinking I suppose) so for me AA, or even talking about this problem is very hard. How can I have this problem when I am so successful in life – work, family? So, I have found AVRT and this forum which I hope can help me to stay strong.
Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Good for you for making the decision to stop drinking. I know it isn't easy. I have found I needed to find a new stress relief and I have been exercising a lot and sometimes just remembering to take deep breaths. I have definitely been more present around my kiddos, and they are the most important thing to me in this world. Your family will also benefit from your decision.
This is a great site, I am looking forward to seeing you on here!!!
This is a great site, I am looking forward to seeing you on here!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 58
Good for you for realizing that you want off the roller coaster ride. AVRT is great..it has helped me so much. When the beast ( my addiction voice) starts talking..I tell it to go to F itself and stay grateful for no headaches..no shame..and no guilt. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and scared of the damage i have already done to my body and soul. So i know of what you speak. Hang in there..and thanks for sharing your story!
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
welcome to SR. the whole ritual of drinking really can get to where it just overwhelms our lives. i got to the point where everything, and i mean EVERYTHING, revolved around my drinking. i finally got sober when i made the commitment to not taking that first drink ever again. i decided not to feel shame in not drinking either. it's easier for me because i don't have many friends where i live and i'm not a social drinker because of that. i went to AA daily for about the first month and a half of my sobriety. i was shy too but i found out that a lot of my shyness was brought on by the fact that i didn't have anything i particularly felt proud about in myself. bringing myself to AA daily and not drinking became my temporary pride and i was able to smile and have lighthearted chats with the people around me because of it. it helped me work on my people skills because the people at AA understand that many of it's members (especially the newbies) don't really know how to socialize without alcohol. i found many people to be friendly and forgiving and a few to be kind of challenging but pretty forgiving as well. or maybe they were just forgetful! but it helped me get used to just talking to people without a drink in my hand. heck, it helped get me used to talking to people, period.
i use AVRT too, though i was using it unknowingly for a long time. i've found it very helpful. i hope it works for you as well. i'm an analytical and introverted kind of person so it had become second nature for me to recognize when my AV is active and for me to deal with it. i hope you find SR to be of help to you as well. it's been an invaluable tool to me. i don't know if i would be sober today without this place. the support and sage advice i've gotten here blows me away every time. i'm glad you found us! keep coming back and congrats on making the decision to not drink. sobriety has been a lot more than not drinking for me. it's opened a door to a whole new part of life. i hope you find happiness in your sobriety like i have.
i use AVRT too, though i was using it unknowingly for a long time. i've found it very helpful. i hope it works for you as well. i'm an analytical and introverted kind of person so it had become second nature for me to recognize when my AV is active and for me to deal with it. i hope you find SR to be of help to you as well. it's been an invaluable tool to me. i don't know if i would be sober today without this place. the support and sage advice i've gotten here blows me away every time. i'm glad you found us! keep coming back and congrats on making the decision to not drink. sobriety has been a lot more than not drinking for me. it's opened a door to a whole new part of life. i hope you find happiness in your sobriety like i have.
Nov.23, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 21
Thank you so much for all the kind comments and support...wow. I am already feeling good about the freedom...although for the last two days not drinking I am still waking up feeling like I have a hangover. Withdrawals?
DisplacedGRITS...I too am very analytical and introverted so for me, the AVRT seems logical, hope it helps to guide me on the right path, when I walk past bottle shop.
Thanks for the support.
DisplacedGRITS...I too am very analytical and introverted so for me, the AVRT seems logical, hope it helps to guide me on the right path, when I walk past bottle shop.
Thanks for the support.
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Welcome Wocso. Man, your story sounds so much like mine, with a few variations here and there. The pattern is very similar, though. Congratulations on making a Big Plan. Don't do like I did and blow it. It sounds like you are serious about making it stick. You'll have the rest of your life to thank yourself for making that decision. Stick around here, too. Lots of people going through the same thing and plenty useful information to check out.
Nov.23, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 21
It is so good to hear I am not alone and other have lived through the same story.
Went to the grocery store for the first time in three days...I knew the drink was there but I walked past it...with a bit of a shiver down my spine...strange feeling...but, I know I will feel better for it in the morning when I awake with a clean head.
Went to the grocery store for the first time in three days...I knew the drink was there but I walked past it...with a bit of a shiver down my spine...strange feeling...but, I know I will feel better for it in the morning when I awake with a clean head.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: London
Posts: 122
Very well done on day 3. Day 8 myself. I too have stumbled upon ARVT from this forum and I can say it is working for me. I also read Jason Vales book How to kick the drink easily. (on kindle Amazon) following which I didnt for 60 days or so. I trust that together with AVRT, and other books, this forum etc, I too will never drink again, and I will never change my mind.
All the best to you, stay strong.
All the best to you, stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
I've been on that craptastic roller coaster and it is exhausting. Good news is that you never have to ride it again. I've completely turned it all around since I quit drinking 1 1/2 years ago. Any depression that I had has completely disappeared. Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I could have written part of your post almost verbatum. i've been sober continuously since May 2011.
welcome Wosco! good start, i'm sure you will start feeling better soon. treat yourself gently if you don't feel well in the morning...(i'm a big chicken broth fan with some carrots cooked in, it digests fairly easily and the salt makes my stomach feel better)
welcome Wosco! good start, i'm sure you will start feeling better soon. treat yourself gently if you don't feel well in the morning...(i'm a big chicken broth fan with some carrots cooked in, it digests fairly easily and the salt makes my stomach feel better)
Nov.23, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 21
Thanks again everyone, it's the end of day three.
Tabasco - what did you think of Jason vale's book. From what I can gather it aligns with the AVRT philosophy.
Soberween - so glad to hear your depression went away, on and off over the years I was on meds for depression but never stopped drinking with the meds although the doctor told me the alcohol was a big part of the depression...and that without cutting the alcohol out, the meds would not help...I could not stop for more than a few days.
Tabasco - what did you think of Jason vale's book. From what I can gather it aligns with the AVRT philosophy.
Soberween - so glad to hear your depression went away, on and off over the years I was on meds for depression but never stopped drinking with the meds although the doctor told me the alcohol was a big part of the depression...and that without cutting the alcohol out, the meds would not help...I could not stop for more than a few days.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: London
Posts: 122
Jason Vale's book is excellent. He does have the view that it is not a disease, and that we have to take responsibility for our actions, however, he also states that AA has helped millions of people.
It is not as in opposition to AA as AVRT, whose belief is that by stating we are powerless is incorrect and enables the alcoholic side of our brains to start to believe that drinking is inevitable. It is similar in many ways to the Alan Car book.
The book goes through reasons why we drink and gradually challenges each reason with excellent logic.
My view is that the answer to all of our problems, no doubt lies for most people in a mixture of learnings and experience from multiple sources. It is highly likely that each school of thought has something to offer. Jason Vales book should be on everyones reading list in my opinion.
It is not as in opposition to AA as AVRT, whose belief is that by stating we are powerless is incorrect and enables the alcoholic side of our brains to start to believe that drinking is inevitable. It is similar in many ways to the Alan Car book.
The book goes through reasons why we drink and gradually challenges each reason with excellent logic.
My view is that the answer to all of our problems, no doubt lies for most people in a mixture of learnings and experience from multiple sources. It is highly likely that each school of thought has something to offer. Jason Vales book should be on everyones reading list in my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome to SR Wocso! Quick tip, careful with the beast. It sits there and waits then tries to trick you. When you feel really good about yourself and you feel confident expect it to tell you you can just drink normally... Best wishes!
Nov.23, 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 21
Well...I am back. Today is day 1...again. Been on and off since this first posting here almost a year ago. To think I could have been sober nearly a full year. Was clean for over two months, then one little drink created the avalanche. Back to 3-4 strong drinks every night and feeling like hell in the morning, yet I do it again every night. I realize that drinking does nothing good for me, yet every night I somehow convince myself, I need it just one more night, or not to stop this week cause its a bad week at work. I know that all my stresses in life are made worse by this poison, yet I cannot find the power to stop. I want to stop. I will stop today and never change my mind. I know how good it feel to have a clear head after weeks of not drinking and that high is way better...I just need some help to get there again. Thanks for listening...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NW
Posts: 96
I am on day 25 and I am there with you. I went years knowing that if I stopped things would get better all around in my life but couldn't. I would tell myself every day that this is the last day but still buy that 12 pack on the way home and not go to bed until it was gone. Wake up the next day feeling terrible and start the cycle again. i have really found sr to be a good place to come in the evenings and read and post. It makes me think of drinking but it shows me how bad it can be and why I want to stay away from it. Seeing a counselor has also helped alot. This is the first time I have honestly accepted help for the drinking and it feels good. Having a support group, either family or internet friends helps a lot. I couldn't do it on my own and I have finally realized it.
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