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I am really tired today and I'm tired of feeling tired

Old 11-24-2012, 06:47 PM
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I am really tired today and I'm tired of feeling tired

Hello everyone, thanks for making this site available. I am feeling very sad today and extremely tired and disappointed. It was my birthday on Thursday and my boyfriend made it wonderful for me by remembering and we went dancing and he was warm and loving. On Friday while I was at work, he mowed my lawn and we shared a lovely evening together. He was going to take me for dinner and to the museum today after his rehearsal for a dance show. That's the good bit. The painful bit is that he drinks enormous quantities of alcohol in one form or another and yesterday he consumed a 4 litre cask of horrible white wine. I don't really drink. All was well and we went to my mother's to celebrate my birthday and it was the best! We laughed and laughed! Now, the hard part. We got home and he listened to music and continued to drink. I felt so deflated and alone. I went to bed (he does not live with me; my choice). I awoke around 1:30 to find him still playing music with promises to come to bed. Eventually he did around 2:30 am, very drunk and with a drink in his hand. He wanted us to make love and wanted me to do all the work; no kisses; nothing. I stopped and lay there, and decided to stop. He did nothing except get angry, complain and could not function where it mattered. I went to another room and thought and before I did, he wanted me to set the alarm for 7 to catch the train to be on time for dancing. So, at 5:00 I was still awake and really tired. I turned on the light and told him that I would take him to the station now be cause I wanted to sleep uninterruptedly; now or get there yourself. He came, I took him and left him. I love him but feel so alone amd do not want the next 10 years of my life like this. I feel enormously sad, but I want a man who has the ability to function well, which he does not. I feel so weak, because I am afraid that if he says he wants to see me, I will weaken. I want him in my life but not at this cost to myself. Why is it so hard to break away. I am determined to have my best life. Any thoughts and wisdom will be welcome, so don't hold back. The truth will go in and I will learn how to have the life I deserve. I am just so hurt and disappointed. Thank you people.
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Old 11-24-2012, 07:03 PM
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Hi wildflower

I'm sorry for your situation.

I do agree with you though that you do not want the next 10 years of your life to be like this, and sadly as many of us know, it could be.

Have you ever spoken to your boyfriend about this?

I know you'll find a lot of help and support here - I also encourage you to check out our Family and Friends forums

D
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Old 11-24-2012, 07:07 PM
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Sorry. I know it's hard to break away. But the only thing to do is to just break away. I know it sounds so much easier said than done, but what are your choices really? It's a tough decision when you love someone so much.
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Old 11-24-2012, 11:19 PM
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Thanks for your msg. I can just see myself getting more and more tired and everything else in my life is on track. I enjoy my work and all the things I love to do. Upon reflection, I see that I am always responding to a need of his. Reminds me of my teenage daughter when she was at home. I am very independent but do want to share my life with an equal partner. My thought is that if my boyfriend really desires health for himself, and really wants a solid relationship with me, then he will do something about it. In the meantime, the most loving thing I can do for me is to remove myself so I'm not tired all the time and can enjoy being with people who reciprocate. In unconditional love for him, by taking myself away and setting a clear boundary, although I am hurting a lot and miss him ( he does have wonderful qualities too, like cooking for me, mowing my lawn etc.), continuing to stay around him doesn't address the drink issue. I think I'm mourning the loss of potential rather than something concrete.
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Old 11-24-2012, 11:27 PM
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Thank you Rose. I love his smile and the way he makes me double over with laughter. I love how we dance together and share a network of friends in our dance community. That and other things. My options are to not rock the boat and continue to have weekends like this where I'm constantly setting boundaries and feeling disappointed because I feel let down yet again. I'm just going to get more of what I've had over the past year. On the positive side, I've learned to stay with my own feelings, create and maintain firm boundaries and relate unconditionally without expecting him to be other than who he is. He gave me a compliment yesterday because he said that he s now a much stronger man because if my influence on him. He has benefitted too. I am thinking that if I let go, he may decide to get treatment and our relationship has the possibility of growing beautifully, because we do love each other. The other possibility is that I know what I don't want, so I can now be available to relate with a man who is capable of relating and with whom I won't have such a hard time. I am not sorry that we were together and I do love him but love us not enough.
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Old 11-25-2012, 03:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
D
Have you ever spoken to your boyfriend about this?

I have spoken to my boyfriend about his use of alcohol in a way that was simply to gain information. His response was that his alcohol consumption is his business and did not want to elaborate. He is of the mind that he can decide how much to consume and he is more concerned with how much it costs financially rather than the damage being caused to his body. He continues to say that he is going to reduce his consumption, but he never makes those changes. Soon after I met him he was admitted to hospital vomiting blood and was told by the doctors that his liver was at risk and that he was burning a hole in his oesophagus. His solution was to drink beer instead of spirits. He does not see any need to enter treatment. I have simply set my boundaries as far as his consumption affects me.
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Old 11-25-2012, 06:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Wildflower7777 View Post
I am thinking that if I let go, he may decide to get treatment and our relationship has the possibility of growing beautifully, because we do love each other. The other possibility is that I know what I don't want, so I can now be available to relate with a man who is capable of relating and with whom I won't have such a hard time.
You finally putting your foot down could be the catalyst he needs, kind of an intervention isn't it? It always makes me sad to see that one person is so loving, forgiving and patient of the other who is using, yet the user is so lost in addiction that he/she doesn't realize he/she is about to lose something so special. I can relate personally. I really do feel your pain.

Originally Posted by Wildflower7777 View Post
I am not sorry that we were together and I do love him but love us not enough.
If only love were enough? I think that you are really supportive of him, but life is just too short to compromise your own happiness. You've given it a year...that's a really long time to settle for someone who chooses addiction over your relationship don't you think? Such a terrible situation. There's no decision you can make that will be easy.
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